A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Good Clean Jokes | Part 4Best first:
Little Johnny: Odd. First my parents teach me to walk and talk, and then they want me to sit down and shut up all the time.
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come, now, there’s a fire!”
“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”
The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
I think it's caught a virus.
Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?
Paul: I tried, but they said no.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Twice. He only had 2 worms.
What did one candle say to the other?
A: I'll be going out tonight.
Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
How did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got back from the weather station. They said we had a really nice day today.
I thought so.
This whole week is nice. Thursday we'll be mostly sunny and 61 degrees.
I always have to check the weather before I come here to post.
Besides having something to talk about, I figured I should let everyone here know exactly what to expect in case you decide to come down here and visit me in the next few days.
I could even post my daily dining menu if you want.
Let me know, and have a happy where you are.......if you're not coming here.