Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
-
~Isaac Asimov~
``````````````
Corn Anyone?Do you know what makes me smile?
-
My facial muscles.
````
Today I brought a pizza with me on the bus. The driver said: “Hey this is not a restaurant.” I said: “I know, that’s why I brought my own food.”
````
Being a 24-year-old virgin sucked, I’m glad nobody can say that about me anymore.
-
I’m 27 now.
````
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"
````
My mom loves gardening. She was so excited that spring finally arrived, she wet her plants.
````
What wouldn’t you find in a haunted house?
-
A living room.
````
Where do you bring horses that are sick?
-
To the horsepital.
````
What is yellow and can’t swim?
-
An excavator.
-
Did you find that funny?
-
No.
-
Neither did the excavator operator.
````
Pick up line: Hey girl, I overheard you saying that you’re on the lookout for some STUD! Well I’ve got STD, so all that’s missing now is u…
````
Have you been picking your nose again?!
-
Why would I?! I’ve had it since I was born!
````
What should we call an American bee?
-
A USB.
````
What do you call a totally unimportant elephant?
-
An Irrelephant.
````
What sits up a tree and goes "Aaaaaah"? An owl with a speech impediment.
````
Man to a butcher: "I'd like bull's testicles."
Butcher: "So would I"
````
Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I’m a barber.
````
What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?
-
A zebra with a sun burn.
````
“I am a master of fast calculations.”
-
“OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?”
-
“22!”
-
“Ha ha, that’s wrong!”
-
“Maybe, but it was fast!”
````
Last week’s Clairvoyants Associated meeting was cancelled for unpredictable reasons.
````
What has four legs, one foot and one head?
-
A bed.
````
At work:
Excuse me, may I disturb you real quick?
-
Of course, what is it?
-
Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.
````
Where do we get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
````
What is white and sits on your TV?
A fly wearing a white nightie.
````
Good morning everyboomie.
Friday at last! Now we can get past the holiday and get to the weekend!.
Not sure what I'll have going today. I could go to the sod farm, but I don't know if it'll be worth the effort and gasoline.
I'm thinking I may go shoot some bark off of trees. I bought a new gun and I'm itching to shoot it.
It's actually a hand gun.
Anyway it's tree hunting season, and I need to bag me a big old oak.
I hope you're all enjoying your holiday weekend.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe