Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?“
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~Bill Murray~
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Top Bad Jokes / Really StupidAndy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes now.
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It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
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Two birds.
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Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Michael: The good news.
Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.
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Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says “B
positive”.
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What did the cowboy say to the cow that stood on the barn roof?
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Get down, cow!
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What is yellow and cannot swim?
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An excavator!
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And why?
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Because it only has one arm.
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What is the tallest piece of furniture?
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The bookcase. It’s got the most stories.
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Last words of a highly poisonous snake?
"Drat, I bit my tongue!"
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Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
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A: Blue paint.
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Why are you giving me an apricot?
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I heard there’s no way you can get a date.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
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A crying son runs to his mom: “Mom, mom, (sniff), Grandpa slapped me in the face.”
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Grandpa approaches: “Stop lying or I’ll do it again!”
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Helium walks into a bar and orders water. Bartender apologizes, "Sorry sir but we're currently out of water." What does Helium do? It doesn't react.
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A woman starts chatting to a man on a subway: "Hello my name is Margaret."
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The man replies: "Mine's not."
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What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?
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A Golden Receiver.
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Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
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What would happen if you threw blue sneakers into the Red Sea?
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They would get wet.
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What would you call a very funny mountain?
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"Mt Hill Arious"
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What do you get when you crossbreed a mail pigeon and a parrot?
A mail pigeon who stops to ask for directions.
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I was devastated to hear that Peter died. Are you coming to his funeral?
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And why should I? He’s not coming to mine.
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What tea can vary in taste from bitter to sweet?
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Realitea.
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You’ll never believe whom I saw yesterday! Everybody I laid my eyes on!
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Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian. Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I had a pretty great day yesterday. It was almost warm, but pretty dog gone windy. Actually we were about 71 or 2 degrees.
I think it was closer to 71 degrees than 2 degrees.
You have to get up very early to outfox an oak tree Ana. I didn't bag a single one.
I did bag a couple of targets on a fence post, and had a blast blasting away with my big guns.
Saturday we're going to hit 77 degrees, so you know what I'll be doing, right?
Shoot me an email please, I forgot.
Have a happy day everyone.
rah rah
joe