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Monday Joe's #1170773
12/02/18 09:11 PM
12/02/18 09:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,520
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,520
Calera, Oklahoma
Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples. -

~George Burns~
``````````````


Funny Sayings | Part 4 | Very Funny



Best first:

I didn’t fall down. The floor needed a hug.

````

Top 10 funny messages for an answering machine message


1. Hello, this is Frank's fridge. If you leave a message, I will attach it on my door with a magnet.

2. Hello, I am David's answering machine. And who are you?

3. Hello, this is Death speaking. If you leave your name and telephone number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

4. Hi, I'm at home but unfortunately too drunk to find the telephone. Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I'm capable of it.

5. Hello, this is Daniel's answering machine. Please leave a message between the beeps: Beep-beep. Nothing? OK, good bye.

6. Hello, this is Anna's answering machine. I'm always here for you and I love listening to you. Please leave a message after the beep.

7. No, please not the beep. Please, noooo.... Beep

8. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you. Please speak after the beep.

9. Hello, you are connected to the Vatican. All the confessionals are currently busy. Please explain your sins in full detail after the tone.

10. Hello? Hello? Yes, Aha... Well this is Tony's answering machine. Sorry he's not here. But you can leave him a message after the tone.

````

If somebody calls you ugly, you can just say, “You’ve mistaken me for your mirror again, didn’t you?”

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After millions of years of evolution, you’re kind of a disappointment.

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I’m breathing. That’s about it for today’s productivity.

````

A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.

````

I am an example to others. Not a good one, but heh, nobody's perfect.

````

Rule No. 1: Women are always right. Rule No. 2: If a woman is not right, Rule No.1 applies.

````

Men with piercings are ideal marriage material. They are not new to pain and they have experience with buying jewelry. - Gabi Köster -

````

Girls want a lot from one guy. On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.

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Panic, Chaos, Pandemonium – my work here is finished.

````

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.

````

May I be excused? My brain is quite full.

````

The perfect man doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t drink..............doesn’t exist.

````

Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.

````

The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?

````

Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.

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Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.

````

Monday office chat: There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.

````

Promises are like babies… They’re fun to make but hard to deliver.

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Welcome to the new week! Get ready for a whole lotta good things coming your way this week. yay


Tis the season to spread love and cheer, and get love and cheer. wink


Ho Ho Ho you know.....


And since we're on the subject.....you have 21 shopping days till Christmas, so don't panic you still have plenty of time to get my gift, and get it in the mail.


It would be better if it were post marked by the 15th. No point in beating around the bush. razz


Too bad Sunday is over. I'll have to go back to watching football reruns. snicker


Except for the game that's on right now. taz


Have a happy day everyone. urock


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170780
12/02/18 10:36 PM
12/02/18 10:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,818
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,818
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I am so not ready for the holidays. Time flies and I need more hours!

Have a happy day all! The next two weeks will be super busy again.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170781
12/02/18 10:36 PM
12/02/18 10:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,082
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,082
marietta,georgia
going to the heart place for a echocardiogram

Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170787
12/03/18 12:17 AM
12/03/18 12:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,818
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,818
In the Naughty Corner
Good luck at the docs family!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170789
12/03/18 12:40 AM
12/03/18 12:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,371
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
venus  Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,371
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Enjoy your game, Joe, whether it's live or a rerun. grin

Hope your day isn't too busy, Ana!

Good luck with your visit, family!

It's Sunday night, and I'm off to sleep. It's back to work for me again tomorrow. Looks like I was able to arrange a 3 day weekend, anyway. grin

Have a great Monday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170796
12/03/18 05:56 AM
12/03/18 05:56 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,471
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,471
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, family, venus and everyone. Joe enjoy your day. Ana hope your week isn't to hectic! Family hope all goes well with the echocardiogram. Coffee and tea are ready.
happydance12 A Happy Day wished for everyone! happydance12


Gerry
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170802
12/03/18 08:16 AM
12/03/18 08:16 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,826
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,826
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Working the kitchen at the Eagles, then a meeting there tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, and French Toast in the NC. happydance12


Connie
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170813
12/03/18 09:56 AM
12/03/18 09:56 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,082
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,082
marietta,georgia
falcons lost, new england won, chargers won, but they cheated, the guy kept getting off side 1 time.

Last edited by family; 12/03/18 10:43 AM.
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170839
12/03/18 12:20 PM
12/03/18 12:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,708
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,708
San Diego, CA
Just wanted to let everyone know I am still here. Managed to stupidly go to Wally Mart yesterday. Not only was it a 'black Friday' deal day stuff, but it's also Payday around here for almost everyone. Wow. Somehow I managed to find a parking spot, find a BASKET (albeit a wobbly one), find my stuff, check out reasonably fast and get home without injury. Two different drivers tried to ruin my day. Huge truck driven by a distracted woman was parked at the curb. She let 3 cars pass on the street and then pulled out RIGHT INTO the side of my car. Missed me by a few inches as I slammed on my brakes. I didn't even have time to honk my horn. The second stupid driver was in the far right 'turn right only' lane beside me at the light. The left turn lane arrow guys did their turns and then the green light came on for ME to go straight. Sooooo the guy in the right turn only lane decided he needed to turn LEFT from the right lane in FRONT of me and I was already halfway into the intersection! Talk about loving anti-lock brakes. Managed to get the 3 blocks to my house without further incident, but I sure was watching EVERYONE. Hate holiday shoppers. scared


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170869
12/03/18 06:39 PM
12/03/18 06:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,944
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 47,944
Alabama
Hope you all have had a wonderful Monday. It's been warm here...back to shorts and open windows.

G'sons are living with us for awhile. One is fine and the other is petulant. Oh well!

Daughter is going down the home stretch on Baby Unicorn2, so that means I have to think about when I'm heading to CO.

I finished most of my Christmas shopping today...thanks to the internet and a d-i-l that makes me wish lists and links them. Still have one g'daughter that no one seems to know what she wants, and the boys here.

Have a great evening, ya'll wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1170880
12/03/18 11:30 PM
12/03/18 11:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,371
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
venus  Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,371
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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