I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up. -
Christmas JokesBest first:
What do you call a Christmas elf with ear-muffs? Whatever you like. He won’t hear you.
How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking? One. It’s not empty after the first one.
There will be no Christmas anymore. I told Santa that you have been good the whole year. He died of laughter.
Funny how the year you stop believing in Santa is roughly the year you start getting socks and clothes for Christmas.
Another helicopter tried to land in our garden today. I think we’re going to have to reduce our Christmas lights a bit.
Lisa thanks her grandpa, "Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year for Christmas. I've never got such a brilliant gift!"
"Really?" asks the surprised Grandpa.
Lisa says, "Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!"
What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time? A Holly Davidson.
An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.
Two women are chatting, "I took my husband to the Christmas market yesterday," says one of them.
"And, did anyone want to buy him?" asks the other.
Last Christmas I gave you my heart... well - that was the end of me...no one survives without a heart.
One turkey asks another, "Do you believe in life after Christmas?"
Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail.
What did the reindeer say when he was spotted one Christmas Eve by Little Johnny?
Nothing, reindeer don’t talk.
I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.
This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.
```` Good morning everyboomie.
A nuther day has snuck up on me while I was enjoying the last one.
I hate when that happens!
Wait, what am I saying? I love when that happens........don't you?
Who doesn't love getting older?
I don't mind getting older.............the alternative doesn't appeal to me at all.
I don't mind getting older, I just hate having to act my age.
My real age.............not my emotional age.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this................have a happy new day everyone.