My wife said she wanted
a “fairy-tale romance,” so I’ve locked her in a tower.
Hilary, a grandmother, overhears her 5-year-old granddaughter, Mo, playing "weddings."
As the little girl, Mo, marches the bride down the aisle, the marriage vows went something like this: 'You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may now kiss the bride.'
1 If you want your wife to listen and to pay undivided attention to every word you say, all you need to do is talk in your sleep.
2 Nicky: I'm a man of few words.
Mike: I'm married, too.
3 A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.
4 If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.
5 My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.
````Five Favourite Wedding Day Shorts
1 My wife really worships me, she puts burnt offerings in front of me every day.
2 Each year on his wedding anniversary Patrick goes down to City Hall in the hope that his marriage license has expired.
3 John: Have you ever seen one of those machines that can tell when someone is telling a lie?
Dave: Seen one? I married one.
4 Husband: Let's go out on the town tonight and have some fun.
Wife: Ok, but if you get home before me, remember to leave the front door open.
5 An insurance salesman was trying to persuade Sonia to buy a life insurance policy.
'Just imagine if your husband was to die tomorrow, Sonia' he said. 'What would you get?'
Oh, a Labrador dog, I think,' replied Sonia. 'They're so well-behaved.'
Kate, young single lady visits the local dating agency and explains, 'I'm looking for a husband. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?'
The dating receptionist needs to find out some details so she asks, ' What are your requirements, please?'
'Well, let me see.' Kate says, 'He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.'
The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, 'I understand. You need a television.'
Prince William, now 60, goes to the Bishop to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for many years.
The Bishop says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
William says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
```` Mathematics of Marriage
1 Smart man + smart woman = romance
2 Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
3 Dumb man + smart woman = affair
4 Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
5 Smart boss + smart employee = profit
6 Smart boss + dumb employee = production
7 Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
8 Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older. One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich'.
The second lady chimed in, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.'
The third one responded, 'Well, I am glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood, 'as she rapped her knuckles on the table. She looked up and said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
More Maths of Marriage
They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.
Question: Why do women live longer than men?
Answer: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
True Marriage Story
Man forced to marry four wives in six months
A Saudi man is in hospital after his divorced parents forced him to marry four times within six months. The battle began when the father insisted the boy should marry a girl from his side of the family. The mother retaliated by ordering him to wed a girl from her side, reports Arab News quoting Al-Watan daily. But the father wasn't happy with the balance of power and insisted on a third wife from his side, to show who was boss.
The mother, not to be outdone, then demanded that her son include another wife from her side of the family. The son has now been admitted to a hospital for psychological treatment. He is refusing to see his parents or his wives.
Good morning everyboomie.
We are half way through the weekend, on our way to another strong beginning, but I'll leave that conversation for tomorrow's diner.
When I went to bed last night they were giving us a 30% chance of rain, with a low temperature expectation of 28 or 30 degrees, so it would seem logical to maybe expect to see snow if indeed we did actually get rainfall, and yet when I went to bed that was not an expectation that I had.
Actually I just didn't expect that we would get any moisture of any kind, but when I woke up, I sat up in bed and looked out the window to see if the sun was shining, and I couldn't see the sky because this white stuff was covering my screen.
We didn't get a lot of snow, just an inch or so.
It made for a great day of sitting inside and having some coffee, and gaming.
The sun finally did come out at 4:35.
Have a happy Sunday everyone.