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Happy Thump Day Diner #1175531
01/23/19 08:55 PM
01/23/19 08:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
What does it mean if a black squirrel crosses your path? Will I have adorably bad luck?

—@Suddain-
``````````



Retirement sing along to the tune of:


'My Favourite Things' You remember: the tune from 'The Sound of Music'


Rennies and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Zimmers and handrails and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up in string, These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses, Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
I simply remember my favourite things, And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy meals or food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating pads, hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pains, confused brains and no fear of sinning, Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning,
More of the pleasures maturity brings- When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim, I simply remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel... so bad.

````

Another Funny Retirement Story

We are led to believe that the following job application is a real one submitted by an elderly retired gentleman aged 74, to a national DIY retailer in Ipswich, Suffolk, UK. Word is that they have employed him. We have changed the name to protect the guilty.

NAME: Brian Walker [also known as Grumpy [blip]].
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 [$295,000 USD] a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a cr*ap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: ....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

````

You Can't Keep a Good Old'un Down


Rosa and Arthur, now well into their 80's, went to breakfast at Bert's Café where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' murmured Rosa. 'But I don't want eggs.' Retirement stories - You can't keep a good old 'un down 'Then I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering à la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' Rosa spluttered. 'Yes.' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then.' Rosa eventually decided, smiling at Arthur. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and still in the shell,' Rosa answered with a glint in her eye. Rosa took the two eggs home. Moral of the story: You can't keep a good old'un down.

````

Vintage Classifed Adverts

Youngsters aren't the only people who take out personal ads. Seniors do too! And they have a sense of humor as well. Here are funny classifed ads placed by actual senior citizens in Florida plus a few from Arizona.


Male, 1922, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out, and enjoy quiet times.

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy.

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5' 4" (used to be 5' 6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

80-year-old, bubbly, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

Wanted: Bonded escort, silver-haired (not dyed), two days a week for three active ladies, eighty-plus. Should look rich (but not too rich). Politically conservative. Good bridge player and waltzer. Sharp enough to handle six Bingo cards at once. Prefer chauffeur's license, L.P.N., and Black Belt in karate.

````

Classic Proposal



Maurice, aged 87, was very contented living in the Alpha Nursing Home just outside Stubbington, Hampshire, England. After meeting Edna, 76, he grew even happier and fell deeply in love. Only yesterday Maurice plucked up the courage, got down on his knees and told her there were two things he would like to ask her. Edna smiled and replied, 'Alright.' Maurice asked softly, 'Will you marry me?' Delighted, Edna answered him, 'Yes.' She then asked Maurice what his second question was. He replied, 'Edna, will you please help me to get up?'

````

Same Class?


While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate hanging on the wall; it gave his full name. Thinking hard, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 36 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. 'Yes,' he replied.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'In 1971. Why?'

'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then the thoughtless idiot asked, 'What did you teach?'

````

Funny Old Goat


A group of Americans was travelling on a bus tour through France and were in the Loire Valley quite near to the town of Sancerre. They stopped at the nearby village of Chavignol and visited a cheese farm where the world famous 'Crottin de Chavignol' goat's cheese is made; their guide, who was the farmer's wife, led them through a process of cheese making, explaining how goat's milk was used.

Madame showed the group a picturesque hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. Madame then asked, turning to the group, 'What do you do in the USA with your old goats that aren't producing?'

One spry and very quick elderly gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours in France.'

````

Good morning everyboomie. hamster


Another day, a nuther 20 jokes. thumbsup


Plus a few lame comments from yours truly. grin


Here's one. I was reading earlier that Carrie Underwood has named her new son Adorable. slapforehead


Yeah, here's the headline: Carrie Underwood Welcomes Baby Number Two—and His Name Is Adorable


Sheesh! Now I ask you, what kid wants to go through life with a name like that? crazy


That's worse than a boy named Sue. cool


Maybe she plans to write a song about it.


'How do you do! My name is Adorable!' taz


The world is an interesting place to say the least. wink


Have an interesting day everyone. urock


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 01/23/19 09:01 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175542
01/23/19 10:28 PM
01/23/19 10:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Joe...that is very "adorable" rotfl

Ana...the dogs are just fine, they get treats and are fed and are given more treats lol hope you see some sunshine soon!

Venus...grin...there's never enough time to do them all, so a little bit here and a little bit there

Thanks Gerry...how about a tall dark roast this morning and then when L4L makes it we'll have some yummy hot chocolate in the corner yes

L4L hug

Today is my last work day until next Thursday as I hit the road Friday to retrieve L4L happydance

Have a wonderful day everyone wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175550
01/23/19 11:55 PM
01/23/19 11:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! YOur adorable comment made me laugh out loud!

soot, safe travels to you! We will have a serious deep freeze and I'm sure you will be driving through it!

Have a happy day all! Being a dog walker isn't the most fun job in this weather. lol

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175551
01/24/19 12:06 AM
01/24/19 12:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
same watching court shows and soap opera.

Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175555
01/24/19 12:33 AM
01/24/19 12:33 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I thought that was actually the baby's name at first. rotfl You never know. grin

Soot, I understand about the time issue! That's great that you get so much time off. woot Hope you and L4L have a great time!

Ana, I can imagine. shiver Hope the weather eases up for you soon!

Have fun, family.

L4L, Isis is setting in so well, you'd think she'd lived here forever. lol It's funny, she actually reminds me quite a bit of kitty version Venus and a little bit of Jupiter. It makes me think I picked the right cat to take home. grin Hope you are still having a fantastic time with Levi! happydance12

It's Wednesday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have another long work day tomorrow. woozy

Have a great Thursday, everyone. winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175561
01/24/19 04:31 AM
01/24/19 04:31 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Joe sherlock hehehe The Sound of Music will never be the same for me ROFL- hope You & Missy have a wonderful day. eek12 puppy

Soot hamster - Safe journey, keep warm shiver and enjoy the drive.. car

Ana wavegirl Stay safe from that freezing weather winter and happy gaming. eek12

Venus catrub - get comfy and snuggle goodnight. shiver

family enjoy your Tv time & relax time. grin

Happy Gaming too all Boomers.. penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 01/24/19 04:34 AM.
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175564
01/24/19 05:39 AM
01/24/19 05:39 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, family, venus, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe you are to funny! Soot drive safe your tall dark roast is ready and always yummy hot chocolate for you and L4L in the corner! Ana stay warm and be careful! Family enjoy! Venus glad to hear Isis is making herself at home and she is the right kitty for you! Taintedfury what's on your schedule today? Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
wave Have a Happy Day everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175571
01/24/19 08:32 AM
01/24/19 08:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Thump Day. I will be working the Poker tournament tonight at the Eagles. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175572
01/24/19 08:33 AM
01/24/19 08:33 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hi Kaki's Sister cat thanks for tea & coffee just what i needed hehe, ah well i made pasta salad and chicken think broccoli , bought the dogs lab inside as we had another burning hot day i got the doctors in the morning about my dermatitis... eek

But i'm gonna play a bit of a game before going to bed goodnight all.. sleep

P.s Hope you have a fabulous day.. thumbsup

Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175573
01/24/19 08:34 AM
01/24/19 08:34 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Thanks for breaky Connie & a Good morning to you as well happy gaming. wavegirl

Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175602
01/24/19 12:38 PM
01/24/19 12:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope all's well with you and you're having a great day!

Can't believe we're this far into January already, time's flying! Weather's cold here but so far we've had no snow this winter but that could change!

I've been keeping myself busy around the house washing, ironing, dusting and cooking where possible! Also since I got my 'freedom chair' you can't keep me in! lol Even doing the grocery slhopping with hubby is fun. I attend a physio and excercise class twice a week at our local hospital which is hard but needs must if I want prosthetics. The excercises are to help build up muscle strength in my legs and hips. I'm still having problems with the first surgical scar not healing so the district nurse comes in twice a week to clean and dress the wound, she's confident it will heal in time. I hope so!

I've restarted my card-making hobby which I share with Diana. I totally lost interest in it while I was ill but have taken it up again to keep me out of mischief! lol

Enjoy the rest of your day guys!

Mary hearts wavegirl


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175626
01/24/19 01:54 PM
01/24/19 01:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

We have snow blowing in today, but I THINK it will be gone by the time Soot gets here on Saturday. We shall see.

Baby Levi has decided that it's momma or nobody. My first one did that til he was 14 mos. Levi will have to get over it as his momma has to go back to work.

Meatloaf and mashed potatoes will happen later today, unless at some point baby decides I need to be a bed.

Joe, you got me this morning. Had to google the Carrie Underwood thing.

Soot kissy

Ana, there's gotta be an award in heaven for you. Are you working for yourself these days? How is hubby?

Family, enjoy

Venus I'm so glad she is doing well.

Tainted, stay cool

Gerry, thanks for the hot chocolate. It's a good day for it here.

Connie, have fun at the tournament. I know you are working tonight, but do you play poker at all?

Mary, so good to see you. My sister makes cards. Glad you are enjoying it again. Will keep you in our prayers for healing.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175683
01/25/19 01:40 AM
01/25/19 01:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Thump Day Diner [Re: gymcandy1] #1175690
01/25/19 04:27 AM
01/25/19 04:27 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
MsMercury (Mary)
Your an inspiration too us all which shows that there's light at the end of the tunnel...urock

P.s Your card making hobby sounds like fun. thumbsup


Hiya Looney lab
Yep i'll try my best to stay cool cool but this is one burning summer...P.s hope you stay safe and warm, your dinner sound yummy enjoy. broccoli

Venus catrub sleep well and goodnight all. sleep

wavegirl penguin

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