I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.
—Ronald Reagan~
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Valuable LessonVictoria, a middle aged mother, decided that she wasn't going to remind her kids any longer of their need to write thank-you notes when they received presents.
The result of this was that Grampy never received any thank-you letters for the very generous checks he'd written to the children.
However, the following year, things were different. 'All the Kids came over personally to thank me,' declared Grampy in a triumphant manner.
'That's good,' commented his friend, 'why do you think they decided to change their behavior?'
'Well, that's easy,' declared Grampy, 'this year I didn't sign the checks.'
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Dress CodeTwo elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the Botley Grange Country Club.
'We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black,' announced Mrs Hickling.
'Oh dear,' uttered Mrs Packer, 'I'd better not go in that case.'
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My Rememberer My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is most often generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who in the world was that?'
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that is not a joke.
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The Funny Ideas and Thoughts of Mr Grumpy Grumpy old people 'can't help it'.
Grumpy old men may not be able to help it, as age could affect their sense of humor, scientists have found.
A study by Washington University in St Louis, USA, found older people find it harder than students do to understand jokes.
The authors inform Will and Guy that their findings should be taken seriously as laughing has been linked to health benefits such as boosting circulation.
The findings were published in the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society.
The researchers tested 40 people aged over 65, and 40 undergraduates. The participants had to complete jokes and cartoon strips, choosing the correct punch line or final picture from a selection of options.
Choosing the punch line for jokes, undergraduates performed 6% better than older people, and completing cartoon strips they were 14% better.
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Fixing the UK Economy
Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic
Retirement Plan:There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
They MUST retire - Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
They MUST buy a new British car - Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed
They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed
They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ..... And there's your money back in duty/tax.
Instead of playing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy polluters to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or shut them down.
P.S. If more money is needed, have all Members of Parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances. If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
If not, please disregard.
Mr Grumpy
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I hope you all have some fun plans and have total climate cooperation for your activities.
I am going to do something, I'm just not sure what yet. Right now I don't want to commit to anything beyond getting out of bed.
That might include getting dressed, but not making the bed.
That's not me mind you. Missy usually won't let me make the bed for an hour or two because she's not ready to face the day yet.
Some women.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
A Happy Day wished for everyone! 
thanks for the laughs...
- 
On your cross country drive 
I'll have a Cuppachino with no sugar thanks..have a super day... 
that he makes a speedy recovery. 
