Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami."
She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
~Jack Benny~
````````````
The Plot Thickens
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, 'I have a complaint!'
'Yes, Ma'am?' said the librarian looking up at her.
'I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible.'
Puzzled by her complaint the librarian asked, 'What was wrong with it?'
'It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever,' said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, 'Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our 'phone book.'
````
Examples taken from letters written to various government agencies You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
Dear Sirs,
Please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband, who was reported missing, is dead.
This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can't do a thing until he knows.
I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.
Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.
I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn't done me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.
````
This is allegedly a true storyThe name of a two-year-old boy was listed on the country's list of wanted suspects. He was briefly banned from getting on a plane bound for Turkey. The details on the toddler's passport had been the same as those in an arrest warrant, even the date of birth.
'While going through the passport checking procedures to get on board, one of the officers on duty said they wanted to take Suhail,' Emirates Today quoted the boy's father, Abdullah Mohamed Saleh, as saying. 'I thought he was kidding me and said 'Take him if you want'. He showed me a print-out of a document that said Suhail was wanted and there was an arrest warrant for him.'
Officials said they would investigate the cause of the mix-up.
````
Hilarious Government Logic1) On the day Aaron immigrated to the USA, he was given an alien ID card that featured a lovely photo of himself at the age of 15. Some years later, when he went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated his card.
'What will you do with it?' his wife, Rebecca, asked.
'We burn it!' came the abrupt answer.
'Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?' pleaded Rebecca, who had not known Aaron when he was 15.
'Certainly not,' said the "jobsworth" clerk. 'This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed.'
````
2) Sadly, no one is safe from receiving the dreaded *pink slip.
Recently, a job application came across my desk at the federal personnel office in Washington, D.C. It was written on a standard form, which includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
The applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, 'The express wish of 116,000 voters.'
````
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm sorry I can't be bothered to post a diner tonight. I'm totally engrossed in a ball game.
It's not really an important game. Just a little NFL game being played in Atlanta.
Had a really nice day here. Overcast but really mild in the upper 60s.
I cleaned all the floors in my house, cleaned my shower (UGH!), and did a couple of loads of laundry including my linen. Hey, it's a Spring cleaning bug.
Ok.....I'm outta here.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope yours goes well!
Have a Great Monday everyone! 
Ok now it's time for you to relax and unwind..have FUN 
, Venus 
, Kaki's Sister 
& family 
have a great Monday with your favorite tv show/game or outing happy gaming all. 
, I sure hope your arm gets better soon, I 'll be saying some prayers for you tonight take care. 
now you just said that swearing word [work] p.s only joking take care have a great day. 
welcome you must be new here or I need new eyes 
hope you have a speedy meeting at the Eagles and fit in some gaming. 