We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
More Funny Things That Happened at the Doctor’s OfficeOverheard at the nurses’ station
A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk
at length about the procedure.
Patient: I’m sorry to have so many questions.
Me: Oh, that’s no problem. You can always call and ask for clarification when you need it.
Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! You’ve been very helpful. —Source: notalwaysright.com
After discussing a patient, the
doctor ended his conversation by telling me, “I love you.” Following an awkward pause, he said, “I’m sorry, you were telling me what to do, so it made me think I was speaking with my wife.” —Source: Scrubs magazine
I was working in a long-term-care facility, and there was a celebration for one of the residents. It was her 100th birthday. She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, “Do you know how old you are today?”
“No, how old am I?”
“You’re 100 years old.”
“Well, no wonder I’m so tired.” —Source: healthdegrees.com
Scene: I answer a patient’s phone call …
Me: Dermatology, how may I help you?
Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. I’d like to know my results. —Source: notalwaysright.com
A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. The only thing that was stolen was
a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. It turns out, that’s where she was keeping her urine sample, which she’d brought in to be tested. —Janet Grow, Overland Park, Kansas
I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. She said, “Well, we don’t have cable.” —Source: Scrubs magazine
The doctor explained to his
patient that she suffered from
cervicitis, or inflammation of the cervix. Concerned, she demanded that he test her husband for it, too.
The doctor assured her, “I’m
positive your husband does not have cervicitis.”
She shot back, “How do you know? You haven’t examined him yet.” —Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey
Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? —Source: rinkworks.com
Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. —Source: rinkworks.com
Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? —Source: rinkworks.com
I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. Feeling some pressure “back there,” I reached down and patted the doctor on the head.
“It’s OK, Yehudi,” I said. “Just go back to sleep.”
Yehudi is the name of my dog. —Sherry Moore, Eau Claire, Wisconsin
When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed,
I was a complete basket case—
sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. But my doctor knew how to calm me down.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” he
assured me. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.” —Chelsea Bender,
The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”
She rechecked the orders. “Whoa!” she bellowed. “That didn’t say fleet enema. It said feet elevated!” —Julia Fussell,
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Patient: I’m worried about this birthmark.
Doctor: Birthmark, you say? How long have you had it? —Source: overheardintheoffice.com
he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened.
“They fell under the lawn mower,” he explained.
“Oh,” she said, nodding. “Were you wearing them at the time?” —Susan Strong,
South Glastonbury, Connecticut
Actual stories ripped from the headlines:
“Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison” —Source: kizaz.com
“Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance” —Source: the Toronto Star
“Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive” —Source: Masoc County News (Texas)
“Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59” —Source: al.com
Patients reported that they suffered from these ailments. Can you decipher what they meant and come up with the correct malady?
1) “Immaculate degeneration”
2) “Liza Minnelli”
3) “Smiling mighty Jesus”
4) “Fireballs of the universe”
1) Macular degeneration
3) Spinal meningitis
4) Fibroids of the uterus
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm running late tonight. Been working on my bathroom and 'Ahm tard'.
I couldn't find a linen cabinet that I liked for my bathroom, so I ordered one from Wayfair, and I went back to working on the other bathroom just to have something to do.
It was colder than the moon this morning (18 degrees),so I didn't get to town until about 1:00, and didn't get started working until after 2:00, and I am very impatient, so I didn't want to stop working until it was almost all done.
I've gotta go fix dinner now. I'm thinking I'll have chocolate chip cookies and milk.
Have a happy Tuesday everyone.