Give Me Golf Clubs…

Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

—Jack Benny
````````````````````


Girl on skates. The ice was thin. Then it broke and she fell right in. Boy on bank heard her shout. Jumped right in and helped her out. Now they’re married. Very nice. But first she had to break the ice.

````

When my granddaughter Keilei was 8, she asked me, “Grandma, does God answer prayers?”

“Yes, he does,” I replied.
Then she asked, “Will he give you whatever you ask for?”
Again, I replied yes. Then Keilei lifted her arms and yelled, “Thank you, Jesus! Grandma’s getting me a dog!”

````

My dog, Willow, is smart as a whip, but she sheds like crazy.

One day Willow brought me a tuft of her black fur. I thought, I wonder where she found that? But I rewarded her with a treat and put the fur in the trash.
Later, she traded a second clump of fur for a treat. When she brought me another one, 
I realized it looked familiar.
Sure enough, there was no fur in the trash. Willow was trading the same tuft for treats. She knew she was busted and innocently put her head on her paws and fell asleep.

````

My nephew asked, “Why does Nana have so many Bibles?” I said, “She’s studying for finals.”

````

Joe always went to his local barber for a monthly shave and haircut. But one day the barber was ill. So the barber’s wife, Grace, took over. Joe noticed over subsequent weeks that his hair was not growing.

The barber, an evangelical Christian, explained the mystery. “When you’re shaved by Grace,” he said, “you’re once shaved, always shaved.”


Groan

````

The fourth birthday of my daughter, Amanda, was approaching. I reminded her that the day was on its way. After a couple of weeks, Amanda became exasperated, stomped her foot and with her hands on her hips asked, “Well, is it coming in the front door or the back door?”

````

One day, my 4-year-old grandson, Maverick, was playing on the floor and asked me to come sit and play with him. I told him to give me a minute because I had something on my mind and was thinking. He said, “Well, Nana, just bring your thoughts to the floor with me and play!”

````

My 2-year-old niece, Sienna, lives in Asia. While her family was visiting Grandma and Grandpa in Florida, she asked her mother if she could play with Play-doh. Her mother said the Play-doh was back at their house. Sienna looked puzzled and replied, “But where did the house go?”

````

In my youth, I delivered the Coeur d’Alene Press in a rural area. Back in the ’50s, there were no leash laws in Idaho, and many dogs were on the loose along my paper route. When they threatened me, I reached down and pretended to pick up a rock. I can’t recall ever having to throw one—the dogs would just run away.

Later in life, my job took me to Tampa, Florida. My wife and I, along with our faithful Lab, Tonga, would take walks in our neighborhood. One morning, a very aggressive dog started bothering us. I tried my old pretending trick, but the dog did not move. I realized it was not afraid because there are no rocks in Florida, just sand!

````

My 6-year-old grandson, William, loves trains. One day I was asking him the names of different parts of an old steam engine. He told me, “That’s a cowcatcher,” and I asked him what it was used for. He said, “It’s to catch cows and scoot them off the tracks so Grandpa doesn’t have to chase them away.”

````

I took our 4-year-old granddaughter, Halle, to the corral on pregnancy testing day to watch as the veterinarian did ultrasounds on our cows. After a positive test, the vet shouted out, “Call it good!” I explained to Halle this meant there was a baby in the cow’s tummy. She replied, “I don’t want to call the baby Good; I want to call it Queen Elsa.”

````

The first time my husband and I took our 3-year-old son to visit his grandma in Arkansas, he went with her to gather eggs. The next morning, he watched her fry some up for breakfast and put them on his plate. He looked at me and said in a serious tone, “Mama, these eggs came from chickens!”

````

My granddaughter was discussing the expected arrival of a new brother for her 4-year-old son, Matthew. She told Matthew that you can’t predict the exact date of birth.
“You were expected on Aug. 19,” she said, “but arrived on Aug. 11.” Matthew thought for a moment and then said, “Oh! I’m so lucky I was born on my birthday!”

````

We were sitting at the table for a meal and my wife and sister were discussing recipes. When a dump cake was suggested, my 4-year-old daughter, Hannah, announced, “Yuck! That has trash in it!”

````

When my grandson, Jimmy, was 4 or 5, we asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. “I want to be a machine,” he said without hesitation. When we asked him why, he explained, “Well, you can replace the parts in a machine when they wear out.”

````

One night when my son Patrick was 2 years old, he looked up at a half moon and said, “Moon broken.” The next time there was a full moon in the sky, he looked up and said, “Moon fixed now.”

````

Good morning everyboomie.


Thursday......................................nuff said.


I made my trip down Texas way today to visit Sam's.


Sam wasn't there.


I had to come back home.


At least the weather was nice.


Nice and cold............nice and windy.


I think Beau will be paying us a visit tomorrow.


Have a super Thump Day everyone.


joe

Joe, I haven't seen Sam either! And I've gone tons of times! Yay on Beau coming to see you! I bet Missy will be happy!

Have a happy day all! I'm in need of a weekend!

Ana

Have a great day Joe, Ana and all who follow.

I survived my craziest day of the week and have a semi crazy day to prepare for tomorrow. I'm also late for bed.

Have a great Thursday, everyone.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus, Connie and everyone. Happy Birthday Connie! Lets celebrate with cake! Joe have fun with Beau. Ana we have some of your cold weather today! Venus hope your day is less stressful! Coffee, tea, hot chocolate and Birthday Cake are ready for celebrating! Happy Day All!

G'Day Joe, Ana,Venus and Kaki's sister hope everyone is enjoying day and dinner and a fantastic sleep. Happy gaming Boomers

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. Thanks for the cake Gerry, friends are taking me to lunch. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC.

Thumping Good Thursday ya'll

It's bright and beautiful and sunny in AL. Doors and windows open.

My kitchen saga continues. It's looking better every day.

Connie,

Off to feed the pups

Thump Thump Thump everyone

It's Friday Eve

Great news about your visitor Joe

I am too Ana...I'll join you this weekend!

Thanks for the coffee Gerry

Happy Birthday Connie!!!

I hope half crazy is all you achieved today Venus

Wishing you all a quiet evening and good night's sleep

watching court shows and soap opera