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Happy Thump Day #1181018
03/20/19 07:12 PM
03/20/19 07:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,672
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,672
Calera, Oklahoma
For every set of horseshoes human beings use for luck, somewhere in this world there’s a barefoot horse.

~Allan Sherman~
`````````````````````````


Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three copies of 
an office key. The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies … which he’d made on the Xerox machine.

````

Shane works in the deli department of a large supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in trouble. Just look at the notes management has supposedly written to him:

“Shane, stop putting Some 
Assembly Required stickers on 
the eight-piece chickens.”

“Shane, any free samples you 
give must come from the deli, not electronics.”

“Shane, when a customer asks where to find a product, give them an aisle number, not directions to 
Albertsons.”

````

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Hazing the new guy,” he said with a grin.

“You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet.”

His reply was quick and to the point: “You didn’t.”

````

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by the immigration 
officer, “Do you have any felony 
convictions?”

The Briton replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”

````

We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.

“It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”

````

Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,” he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.’”

````

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

````

We’ve been over this before: 
Stupid doesn’t play well on job interviews. Hiring managers wish these 
job seekers had gotten the memo.
• Applicant acted out a Star Trek role.
• Applicant asked for a hug.
• Applicant popped out his teeth when discussing dental benefits.
• Applicant crashed her car into 
the building.

````

The topic of my student’s essay was the importance of trust, camaraderie, and toughness among football 
players. “After all,” he wrote, “you don’t want a bunch of pre-Madonnas out there on the field.”

````

It’s important that soldiers 
learn from their mistakes; otherwise, they’re bound to repeat them at 
inopportune moments. Here soldiers share what they’ve gleaned from 
past gaffes:

• “I was cold” is not a sufficient 
reason for being caught in the female barracks.
• Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics.
• Do not conduct live fire exercises at the general’s (unattended) jeep, even if it’s parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone.
• Do not attempt to shave with fire.
• Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks 
so the general won’t have any questions during the inspection.

````

On Facebook, the English 
language has few friends. 
Three examples:

Post: I can’t stand people 
that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb.
Response: Their, their, calm down.

Post: Is it me or does nobody have manors these days?
Response: I just have a normal house.

Post: I do not have patients for stupid today.
Response: Patience.

````

Events had left my son-in-
law’s sister feeling sad, and she started tearing up. Luckily, our 
two-year-old grandson was nearby 
to dispense words of wisdom. 
“Don’t cry,” he said. “Sometimes 
batteries die and toys break.”

````

While serving jury duty, 
I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one 
point, he picked up a piece of 
evidence and asked his client, who was on the witness stand, “I see 
an acronym on this receipt. What 
would CAR stand for?”
The defendant replied, “Car.”

````

The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.”

We’ll skip over the details and 
go straight to the signature: 
“Love, Constipated-Dog Owner.”

````

Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a bottle of vitamins.

Coworker #2: What’s that?

Coworker #1: Vitamin D.

Coworker #2: Why do you take that?

Coworker #1: Because we live in Ohio, and we never see the sun.

Coworker #2: Wait a minute … they make a vitamin that gives you a tan?

````

The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress.

“This soup is awful,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


I missed it yesterday so Happy 2nd Day of Spring!! [Linked Image]


I celebrated by staying inside most of the day while it was too cool. taz


Luckily the sun came out in the afternoon,and it warmed up nicely. [Linked Image]


I think we'll be nice and warm for the rest of the year. [Linked Image]


I guess I'm gonna have to crank up the old lawn mower for it's inaugural voyage of the season. Ra Ra! woot


Also have to go to Wally World for goodies. happydance


I believe in positive reinforcement, so when I get out of bed, I get a goodie, get dressed, get a goodie.... [Linked Image]


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by looney4labs; 03/21/19 10:33 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181021
03/20/19 07:52 PM
03/20/19 07:52 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,429
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,429
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera

Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181028
03/20/19 09:42 PM
03/20/19 09:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 77,397
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 77,397
In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day all! Computer still not functional so typing on my phone which is a pain!
Last long day for me and bringing hone a boarder at the end of the day. One of my favorite cliebts!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181033
03/20/19 10:09 PM
03/20/19 10:09 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
venus  Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sounds great, Joe. Keep up the positive reinforcement. grin

Enjoy your day, family.

Ana, what a pain! Hope your computer will be functional soon! Have fun with your client. puppy

It's Wednesday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have what will (hopefully) be a shorter day at work tomorrow, which means afterward I should be able to spend time with my friend. happydance I haven't seen her in a long time, and she's just moved closer to me, which hopefully means we will be able to see each other more often. thumbsup

And now it's time for me to get some sleep. Have a great Thursday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181044
03/21/19 04:40 AM
03/21/19 04:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,724
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,724
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana, venus, and everyone. Joe a trip to Wally for goodies always worth it! Family enjoy! Ana sounds like a busy day. Venus how nice for you to have your friend closer. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.

springHappy First Full Day of Spring everyone! spring


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181046
03/21/19 04:46 AM
03/21/19 04:46 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Have a great day everyone.. spring

Happy gamingpenguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 03/21/19 04:46 AM.
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181053
03/21/19 06:51 AM
03/21/19 06:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,221
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,221
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Terrific Thump Day. Ana, I hope your computer is functional soon. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181073
03/21/19 10:35 AM
03/21/19 10:35 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,109
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,109
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

We are cool today, but nice if you get into the sun. I have to run out and do some errands, and we have Bible Study tonight.

Ana, sorry your computer is not behaving. Getting a new one or getting this one repaired?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181142
03/21/19 08:47 PM
03/21/19 08:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,887
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,887
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Sleep well everyone

Have a great afternoon TaintedFury

sleep


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1181150
03/22/19 03:22 AM
03/22/19 03:22 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Thanks Soot.. wave2

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