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T*G*I*F #1181131
03/21/19 07:10 PM
03/21/19 07:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Research has found that because it makes you think positive thoughts, throwing salt over your shoulder can actually prevent bad luck. Or at least give you better luck than the guy behind you.

~Jimmy Fallon~
```````````````````````


To get my cousin to write to 
her even once, my aunt resorted to 
sending him a check with this note: “Do not cash until you write me a thank-you.” A few weeks later, the check had cleared, yet no message had arrived. So she called him.

“I told you not to cash the check until you’d written to thank me,” she complained.

“I didn’t cash the check,” he said. “I deposited it.”

````

I recently stumbled upon 
my favorite new sports team. It’s 
a woman’s bowling squad called 
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.

````

The barbershop was crowded, 
so the woman at the cash register 
offered to put my name on the 
waiting list. “What is it?” she asked.
“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said.

Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: “Pheven?”

````

Working for a news organization is a tough job, as these world-weary tweets suggest:

• News reporter: “The computer erased all the apostrophes in my story. Apparently I’m too possessive.”

• Copy editor, as group of Cub Scouts gets a tour: “There it is, ‘Scared Straight: Newsroom Edition.’”

• Producer: “Free food in the 
newsroom is like oxygen masks on an airplane. You get yours first, then 
you inform others.”

````

The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped 
forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I 
explained, “The last time someone 
gave me wings, I had to jump 
out of the airplane.”

````

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the East Coast trying to return their shoes. Even worse, they end up wanting to speak to my supervisor because I “don’t sound professional enough.”

````

“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire asked.

“It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby,” said the first manager.

“Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers,” said the second manager.

“Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it,” said the first manager.

“Um, I’m putting in for a new brush,” said the second manager.

````

I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need painkillers after a major surgery. His response: “This time, your evil superpowers came in handy.”

````

I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.

````

We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my Sunday school class. An illustration showed King Solomon ordering a child to be cut in half, as one woman sobbed and another watched uncaringly.

Pointing to the heartless woman, a young boy said, “I hope she ends up with the part that has the butt on it.”

````

I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” autocorrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo

On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to 
abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris

My mom once texted me “can you come over, I want you to take a selfie of me.”

````

"What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.

“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”

“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.

````

Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older woman.

Woman: My! You have the most beautiful skin.

Me: Oh, thank you.

Woman: If I were younger, I’d hate you.

````

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.

“Maybe the list is alphabetical,” 
I offered.

So he started searching from the bottom of the list: “Q … Q … Q …”

````

My husband was driving 
home from work when he was 
pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later—same ticket, same cop.

“So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?”

“Yes, I have,” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a 
different way home from work.”

````

Faculty at our university had to file an explanation when they gave a grade of Incomplete. One semester, a professor’s report read “Student #1 contracted mononucleosis. Student #2 contracted pregnancy.”

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Another perfect day here. Actually a little warm for me..........just never happy. snicker


Anyway we went to Lowe's to make a return, and then picked up some Thompson's Water Seal. yes


Then to Walmart, and back home. I went out and ran my weedeater to knock down all the weed clumps. The grass is just starting to turn green. thumbsup


Then I started to clean the mulch out of the garden. That's gonna take a few weeks. I can only clean out as much as the trash container will hold, and then wait until the next Tuesday for them to come and empty it. slapforehead


At any rate I'll sleep good tonight. tired


I also got the new door for my cabinet in the bathroom, and put it on. woot


Have a happy day everyone. urock


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/21/19 07:12 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181134
03/21/19 08:10 PM
03/21/19 08:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera

Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181141
03/21/19 08:45 PM
03/21/19 08:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
woot Joe...you've been a busy bee...it's warming up here to this weekend.

Enjoy your shows Family

Hope you get your computer fixed fast Ana

Venus that's cool news about your friend being closer!!!

I"ll take a tall coffee Gerry and Danish to boot Connie

Hope your back is better TaintedFury thumbsup

hearts L4L

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181145
03/21/19 10:42 PM
03/21/19 10:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Quick fly-by.....still getting my computer restored and it's taking forever to download 500 gb from the cloud. lol

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181151
03/22/19 03:29 AM
03/22/19 03:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hiya Joe sherlock we're still getting warm weather here down under - have a great sleep Joe, Thanks Soot car- i'm using the heat lamp now on my back which is helping it a bit better now, Ana praiseeven though it's a pain waiting you'll get there p.s put on a great movie and family hamsterhave a great day. wave2 penguin

Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181153
03/22/19 04:20 AM
03/22/19 04:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, soot, Ana, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe keep up the good work! Family enjoy your day. Soot your tall coffee is ready. Ana hope you computer is back to normal soon! Taintedfury hope your back is feeling better soon. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.

springHope you all have a stress free day! spring


Gerry
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181162
03/22/19 06:56 AM
03/22/19 06:56 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Terrific TGIF. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. wavegirl


Connie
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181190
03/22/19 10:46 AM
03/22/19 10:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

I had a rough night....something hit my tummy wrong and I spent most of the night in the Little Girls Room. So today will be a nice quiet one. If it warms up enough and I feel ok, I'll go out for a stroll. Otherwise, I'll be sipping so as not to get dehydrated and reading the paper and resting. Ya'll have a good one. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: looney4labs] #1181216
03/22/19 04:04 PM
03/22/19 04:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great weekend Boomers. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181245
03/22/19 09:07 PM
03/22/19 09:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
woot I survived the work week ... it's Friday...and I am ready for bed

See you all tomorrow!

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1181270
03/23/19 03:29 AM
03/23/19 03:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
G'day Kaki's Sister, Looney( hope you feel better soon spring) ,SpaceQuestFan and connie wonderful day to you all.. wave2 penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 03/23/19 03:30 AM.
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