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Joe's Tuesday #1181551
03/25/19 05:52 PM
03/25/19 05:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,563
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,563
Calera, Oklahoma

Candied Scams

Where are all the Sour Patch parents?

~Comedian Bo Burnham~
`````````````````````````````````````



A Man Walks Into a Barbershop…

A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”

“Twelve dollars,” says the barber.

“And for a shave?”

“Ten dollars.”

“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”

````

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”

````

A client walked into my design studio with a black-and-white flyer.

Client: Can you make a color copy?

Me: Do you have the original?

Client: No. Just this one.

Me: Sorry, I can’t make color copies unless I have the original color version.

Client (confused): Why can’t you just run it through the color copier?

````

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

````

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

````

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”

````

A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: “Patient needs a 
referral for your office from me. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.”

````

These office drones know exactly what you’re thinking at work:

• No one likes hearing “agree to disagree.” Why don’t we just say, “You’re wrong, but I don’t feel like fighting about it right now”?

• Sorry, I don’t listen to lectures on being organized from people with 60 icons on their laptop’s desktop.

• Answers to questions asked on the way to the bathroom are not 
legally binding. People will agree to anything in that situation.

````

Supervisor: This project isn’t something we can finish off quickly. It’s like an onion. It has layers that we have to peel away, one by one.

Coworker: And it will make us cry a lot.

````

It’s Winter break time, and a lot of people will be traveling. Which means it’s also a great time to be the person who gets to approve visa requests, like these handed in by travelers to England.

• “I want to be closer to Elton John. He doesn’t come to Togo. Do you see him much in Britain?”

• “Do you know if it’s easier to find a wife in England? I’m struggling here [in Peru].”

• “Is everybody friends with the queen?”

````

My cousin once called in sick to work because of a “death in the family.”

I was her boss.

````

For much of her bartending shift, my wife had to contend with 
a rowdy customer. At the end of the night, he demanded, “Where’s the bathroom!?”

“Go down the hallway, and you’ll see a door marked gentlemen,” she said. “But don’t let that deter you.”

`````

From a church bulletin: “The new parking area looks great. Thanks to the men who turned out Saturday to help with the groveling.”

````

Our neighbor brought over a delicious homemade meal, eliciting this comment from my daughter: “No offense, Mom, but Kristi’s dinner makes you look like a really bad mother.”

My older daughter quickly jumped to my defense.

“Parker, that’s absolutely not true,” she said. “Kristi just makes Mom look like a really bad cook.”

````

Have a date for Valentine’s Day? Hope it doesn’t end up like these 
@FirstDateHell dates.

• He couldn’t remember my name, so he asked if I would mind if he just called me Amy instead.

• In a restaurant, she said she did a great impression of a fax 
machine. Then she beeped loudly while unraveling a napkin from 
her mouth.

• He said, “From your photo, I thought you were too good for me. I’m glad to see you’ve got flaws.” Then he listed them.

````

It’s easy to get disoriented when visiting New York City. One 
befuddled tourist asked his hotel concierge, “The last time we were 
in NYC, we got out of a subway, and we saw some water and some boats. Do you know where that is?”

````

I was visiting my mother one day, when she passed the candy dish full of chocolates and took one for herself.

“I thought your doctor told you to stop eating candy,” I said.

“Oh, I don’t have to listen to him anymore,” she replied.

“Why not?”

“He died.”

`````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


if it's the day after yesterday then that's awesome, cuz Tuesdays are infinitely better than Mondays, and I had a pretty darned good Monday. joy


I went out to the sod farm Monday. They had a fair amount of rain since my last visit, and I was able to find four nice points and four or five scrapers. yay


It will be hard to top that. I expect Tuesday will be used up with more home improvement chores. yes


Have a super Tuesday everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181560
03/25/19 07:17 PM
03/25/19 07:17 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,325
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 29,325
Usually in an Alabama Tree
It is the day after yesterday Joe and mine was too!

woot on your newest finds from the sod farm Joe ... well done!

Was your boarder fun Ana? I hope so smile

Family...have a good day

Gerry, I'm ready for a dark roast this morning ... El Grand-O Tall!!

Connie, I'll have a NC Danish to go please.

Have a good day TaintedFury

Happy Toosday everyone

L4L hearts

Happy Toosday everyone wave2




To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181578
03/25/19 09:09 PM
03/25/19 09:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,992
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 76,992
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you are a master of head hunting! Well done my friend!

soot, I still have him a few more days. I love him, it'll be hard to say good bye! I really am used to snuggling with him all night. Have a great day!

I spoke too soon on the normal days. lol

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181599
03/25/19 10:33 PM
03/25/19 10:33 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,192
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,192
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera

Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181609
03/26/19 02:04 AM
03/26/19 02:04 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 796
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 796
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Happy Tuesday to Joe sherlock , Ana bravo , (thanks) - Soot car and family thumbsupwishing you all a wonderful day. penguin

Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181612
03/26/19 03:25 AM
03/26/19 03:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,560
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 23,560
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, family, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe congrats are so many finds! Soot one tall dark El Grand-O awaits for you! Ana sounds like you are getting attached to the little guy! Family enjoy your shows. Taintedfury hope all is well with you. L4L it is good the snow is melting slowly. Not so messy that way. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
spring Have a wonderful Tuesday everyone! spring


Gerry
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181625
03/26/19 06:12 AM
03/26/19 06:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,946
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,946
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. The AC man will be coming to check the system, as it's getting close to that time. My best friends brother is having emergency surgery today, Prayers please. Danish. Eggs, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181649
03/26/19 11:17 AM
03/26/19 11:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,004
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,004
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Still toiling in taxland today. I think I will take myself out for a walk in a bit as soon as the rain gets out of here. Boys will be back at some point today.

Ya'll have a great day. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1181712
03/27/19 02:32 AM
03/27/19 02:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 796
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 796
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
G'day Kaki's Sister spring much appreciated back has eased slightly but it's giving me trouble, it sounds like spring is approaching your way.

connie dragon wishing you a wonderful day and sending prayers for your best friend brother.


Looney lab hope you have/had a beautiful relaxing walk..


Happy gaming all. wave2 penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 03/27/19 02:32 AM.
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