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Thunp Day Joe's #1181793
03/27/19 07:02 PM
03/27/19 07:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

~Rita Rudner~
`````````````````````


“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.

“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s that mad at me.”

````

In New York City, if you have a complaint or a question, dial the city’s 311 hotline and you might get it solved. We doubt these callers did.

“Who won American Idol?”
“Can you check to see if my boyfriend is married?”
“Can I claim my dog on my income tax?”

````

I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”

````

Scene: Me at our auto dealership, cold-calling customers.

Me: Hi, I’m calling on behalf of…

Customer: Is this a recording?

Me: No, I am not a recording, sir. May I please speak to…

Customer: I don’t believe you!

````

Going in for a job interview? Don’t mess it up with questions like these from real candidates:

“Can my husband finish the test for me?”

“Would you consider going on a date with me?”

“Can I place my desk near the cafeteria?”

“Do I have to be at work every day?”

````

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift.

I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

````

A woman went into my father’s insurance office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she’d ever had any trouble telling them apart.

She gave him an odd look and said, “No, I haven’t had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth.”

````

During graduate school, I tutored a football player in Psychology 101. After the session, my supervising professor asked me if I was interested in the student, since he was a good-looking athlete.

“No, I’m not,” I assured him.

“Yeah, you probably prefer men who eat quiche,” he joked.

“Actually, I prefer men who can spell quiche.”

````

Eight fellow accountants and I got into the elevator at work, never 
stopping our discussions about an upcoming meeting. After a minute, 
a voice from the back interrupted us.

“So,” a man said, “how many accountants does it take to press the elevator button?”

````

After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.

“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”

````

As I headed into a liquor store, a colonel came out carrying two bags. I snapped to attention and saluted. The colonel responded in kind. The result: the soul-crunching sound of both bags crashing to the sidewalk. As liquor seeped into the gutter, he choked out, “Don’t ever salute me again!”

````

Sign above the toilet in a women’s latrine at Camp Ripley in Minnesota: “If you are reading this sign while using this latrine, you are in the wrong one.”

````

After leaving the Army, I applied for a hunting permit but was told I would first need to take a hunter’s safety course. “I’m a veteran, trained in handling firearms,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I get a waiver?”

The clerk replied, “Because we teach you not to shoot people.”

````

I could barely understand my client due to a lousy phone connection.

“Sorry,” he said. “I have the AT&T every-other-word plan.”

````

I recently learned a valuable lesson regarding what not to say to patients. At our large hospital, I watched as a nursing assistant pushed an elderly woman in a wheelchair. As he opened the door leading from the clinic into the hospital wing, the patient looked confused. “Where are we?” she asked.

The nursing assistant gently explained, “We’ve gone over to the other side.”

````

I eavesdropped on two of my language arts students. The first one asked, “Did you warsh your hands?”

“It’s not warsh, it’s wash,” said the other. “The r is silent.”

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


As sure as Wednesday follows Tuesday, Thump Day follows Hump Day. wink


So this is Thursday? Looks just like Wednesday. Wild and windy. taz


I went to the sod farm Wednesday. I had to wait till 11:00 because of the wind. We were warming up to 70 degrees, but it didn't feel that way with 13mph wind. rolleyes


Anyway after walking around for 3 hours, I finally found a nice point while digging around in the back corner. I also found several scrapers. thumbsup


Thursday will be a nuther home project day. woot


I hope your day is nice and productive....if that's what ya want. yay


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181806
03/27/19 08:27 PM
03/27/19 08:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Home projects are the stuff of life Joe; they never end which is good as there is always something to do.

Yes, Ana, you've got to be careful with YouTube videos as they can hook you...Enjoy your snuggle buddy

Gerry, I'm ready for another cup of that malty Scottish Breakfast Tea thanks

Connie, wishing you, SQF and Family a great day

Any big plans for the afternoon TaintedFury?

L4L hearts

Hope all is well


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181812
03/27/19 08:40 PM
03/27/19 08:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, congrats on your new find! You are on a roll!

soot...the weekend cometh!

Have a happy day all. A long one for me. My boarder went home last night. I miss him already!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181827
03/28/19 02:00 AM
03/28/19 02:00 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera,

Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181828
03/28/19 03:01 AM
03/28/19 03:01 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Joe sherlock woot on your finds...hope you a glorious Wednesday in your activities... thumbsup

G'day Soot car that Scottish Tea sounds warm and comforting to drink... wishing a terrific day... wave2

Ana puppy that's a good time to watch a good animal movie...on the bright side remembering your time with him is something you'll always have... may you have a great Wednesday. wave

Hiya family labenjoy your day. wavegirl

Happy gaming all penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 03/28/19 03:06 AM.
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181829
03/28/19 04:16 AM
03/28/19 04:16 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, family, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe Spring has sprung and the projects begun! Soot a tall Scottish Breakfast Tea is waiting for you! Smells delicious! Ana maybe you need another pup of your own? Family enjoy! Taintedfury hope the back is feeling better. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.

spring Happy Thursday to you all! spring


Gerry
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181840
03/28/19 06:24 AM
03/28/19 06:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Terrific Thump Day. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181842
03/28/19 06:47 AM
03/28/19 06:47 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Kaki's Sister spring much appreciated - I hope you have a lovely breakfast and a wonderful day. wave2

Good morning too you to connie spring have a yummy breaky and a beautiful day.. wave2

penguin

Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181880
03/28/19 01:58 PM
03/28/19 01:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Doggies and I are back from a nice walk. Bright and sunny out. Not windy, so that was a treat.

Son is home with boys.

Not sure what I will do the rest of the day. Not feeling inspired.

Have a great one

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: looney4labs] #1181886
03/28/19 04:44 PM
03/28/19 04:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Boomers. I hope you all are having a great day. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thunp Day Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1181938
03/28/19 10:41 PM
03/28/19 10:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
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