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Happy Hump Day #1184243
04/23/19 06:13 PM
04/23/19 06:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma

Notable Never-isms

• Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford

• Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for office. —Shirley Maclaine

• Never board 
a commercial 
aircraft if the 
pilot is wearing 
a tank top. —Dave Barry

• Never be in a 
hurry to terminate a marriage. You 
may need this person to finish a sentence. —Erma Bombeck

• Never argue with a doctor; he has inside information. —Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding

• Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level; it’s cheaper. —Quentin 
Crisp

````


Funniest Things That Ever Happened at the Doctor’s Office


“Here,” says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom.

“Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was 
a toilet in there, so I didn’t need 
this after all.”

````

As I leaned in to check her eyes, 
my older patient got a little frisky. “You remind me of my third 
husband,” she said coyly.

“Third husband?” I asked. “How many have you had?”

“Two.”

````

My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said. “What’s the bad news?” I asked.

“It tasted awful.”

Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her they’re called eardrops for a reason.

````

Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the 
grocery store and really hurt myself.

Me: Where did you get hurt?

Patient: Aisle six.

````

I gave my patient the results of 
her sleep study: “It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.”

Her response: “Did I start back?”

````

During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon.

“Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off.

The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And 
I felt so alone.”

````

Scene: The operating room. I’m 
reviewing the surgical checklist 
with the nurses.

Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand.

Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out?

````

I prescribed an inhaler for a patient’s cat allergy. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. Turns out, he was spraying the 
inhaler on the cat.

````

Medical excuses for missing work (people actually thought might fly)


“My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed.”

“I got sick from reading too much.”

Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.

“My dog wasn’t feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then 
I got sick.”

````

A doctor tells his wife, “You’re a 
terrible cook, you spend too much money, and you’re a lousy lover!”

Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner.

“What’s going on here?!” he 
demands.

“Just getting a second opinion,” she replies.

````

“Did you hear what happened to Bob?”

… one friend said to another. “He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Last week, he dropped dead from cancer.”

“That’s terrible,” says the other friend. “Well, I told him a hundred times to go see my doctor.”

“Is he any good?”

“Good? He’s the best! If he treats you for heart problems … you’ll die of heart problems.”

````

Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesperson replied, “Mrs. Harper was admitted for 
cataract surgery. All we did was 
correct her eyesight.”

````

To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be careful of medical transcripts; you may die of a misprint.

Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does 
not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed.

On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared.

Discharge status: alive but without permission.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

Occasional, constant 
infrequent headaches.

Bleeding started in the 
rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

She is numb from her toes down. —Sources: gmrtranscription.com; nursebuff.com

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


It is Hump Day already. yay


Modern technology never ceases to amaze me. cool


I love the digital age. I just hope I never get digitally aged. whistle


Did I lose you? sherlock


Me too........ headscratch


The next two days are supposed to be very wet here, so I have no real plans, except to sit inside and practice breathing. woot


I may do a lot of inspections and maintenance on the insides of my eyelids. sleep


Have a happy day everyone. wink


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184257
04/23/19 07:30 PM
04/23/19 07:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
What Day is it Mike?

Mike? Where are you Mike?

Hey Ho Joe ... I love technology too ... when it's working smashpc

Have fun practice breathing ... and don't over do it!!! wink

Good morning Ana Venus Family SQF TaintedFury Connie Gerry L4L StarCom and the rest of the Diner gang laugh

Can I have a tall dark roast Gerry thanks

L4L hearts

Have a great day everyone wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184260
04/23/19 07:47 PM
04/23/19 07:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera, and making lasagna and having dinner rolls for cooking class.

Last edited by family; 04/23/19 09:04 PM.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184267
04/23/19 10:01 PM
04/23/19 10:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Happy hump day everyone! Still have a mountain of things to do before bed, so flying by to wish you all a great day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184274
04/24/19 02:17 AM
04/24/19 02:17 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Joe sherlock i like your method of inspection and maintenance hehehe happy gaming... sleep


G'day Soot carafter my early morning i need a tall dark roast lol...have a Happy Hump Day.. woot

family lab it sounds like you've got an busy day - wish you a fun time at your cooking class.. broccoli

Ana puppymay your day go quickly and your chores go by....take care.. spring

Happy Gaming Boomers

Last edited by looney4labs; 04/24/19 10:47 AM.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184281
04/24/19 04:55 AM
04/24/19 04:55 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, family, Ana, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe sounds like a gaming day for you! Soot and Taintedfury a tall dark roast is ready for you both! Family enjoy your cooking class. Ana hope your day is not to hectic! Coffee and tea are on!

waveHappy Day wished for all! wave


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184287
04/24/19 06:10 AM
04/24/19 06:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184299
04/24/19 08:28 AM
04/24/19 08:28 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Kaki's Sister & Connie wishing you both a beautiful and happy hump day. penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 04/24/19 08:29 AM.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184308
04/24/19 10:49 AM
04/24/19 10:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Tomorrow is supposed to bring rain.

Bread is ready to be shaped and set to rise. Dogs are fed. I'm going to go outside and read in the sun once the bread is rising.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1184323
04/24/19 03:29 PM
04/24/19 03:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. I'm off to the doggie park. lab


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184329
04/24/19 05:55 PM
04/24/19 05:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hope you had fun at the park SQF!!

I'm calling it a day at my end ... have a great evening everyone

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1184357
04/25/19 05:25 AM
04/25/19 05:25 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
G'day Looney and Space Quest Fan have a great day happy gaming to you both:)

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