What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?
~Jerry Seinfeld~
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Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
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My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
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Q: If love is “grand,” what is divorce?
A: A hundred grand, or more.
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Q: Whats the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
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My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
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Son: What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Father: Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener.
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If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.
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Man: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Man: “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
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Son: Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.
Father: Son, that’s true everywhere.
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This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: “Wife wanted.”
He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife. Sadly, bigamy is against the law.
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If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.
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A retired rancher decided
to go back to school. He made an appointment with the dean of admissions at a university.
The dean asked him, “Are you pursuing a bachelor’s degree?” The rancher replied, “I want to, but I can’t. I’m still married.”
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The photographer was positioning my new husband and me for
our wedding photos when he asked, “Have you ever modeled?”
My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …”
The photographer interrupted me: “I meant him.”
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The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”
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A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day huh? Humph!!
We are having heavy weather here in real time Tuesday night.
I want to get this out for you while I can still post.
I hope everyone has a fantastic Hump Day.
joe
acebook
witter
Ana stay dry! Coffee and tea are ready!
Happy Hump Day everyone! 
