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Happy Thump Day #1185003
05/01/19 05:55 PM
05/01/19 05:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Billy Corgan, the lead singer of the rock band Smashing Pumpkins, on the perils of life as a rock star: “I’ve moved on to other things. Obviously I love rock ’n’ roll, and I love music, but it’s nice to be in a world like professional wrestling, where I’m treated like a normal person.”

````


I once gave my husband the 
silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

Bonnie McFarlane, 
from You’re Better Than Me

````

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of 
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?”

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”

The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

````

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”

Here’s what Siri sent: “You need 
to get back to work now; you have 
a has-been to support.”

````

The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”

````

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”

````

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

````

A commercial boasted that its product could help people live 
pain-free in their golden years.

“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.

“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”

````

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of 
the blue, the wife says, “I love you.”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife. “Talking 
to the wine.”

````

Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “I do.”

````

On the first night of their 
honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the 
husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”

She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”

Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”

````

My husband is infantry, and 
he said the most wonderful things 
to convince me to marry him:

• The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day.

• I could have as many babies as 
I want because giving birth is free.

• He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone.

````

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no 
secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that 
she forbade her husband from ever opening. But when she was on her deathbed—and with her blessing—he opened the box and found a 
crocheted doll and $95,000 in cash.

“My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never 
argue,” she explained. “Instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

Her husband was touched. Only one doll was in the box—that meant she’d been angry with him only once in 60 years. “But what about all this money?” he asked.

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money 
I made from selling the dolls.”

````

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my 
advantage. I take that as a compliment.

````

After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks out. When he 
gets home, filthy and exhausted, 
his wife says, “Where have 
you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

````

When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.”

My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.”

“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.”

“Two thousand.”

“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the reception?”

“Five thousand!”

We eloped to Spain.

````

My young son declared, “When 
I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.”

“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister.

“Then I’ll marry you.”

“You can’t marry me either.”

He looked confused, so I explained, “You can’t marry someone in your own family.”

“You mean I have to marry a total stranger?!” he cried.

````

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”

````

My client buys many rental properties, not always with the 
enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered.

“Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.”

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


We have very serious storms bearing down on us. Gonna put this up and get ready for them. shocked


We had a tornado and one woman killed in our county last night. frown


Have a happy day. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/01/19 06:05 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185006
05/01/19 06:22 PM
05/01/19 06:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera,

Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185007
05/01/19 06:56 PM
05/01/19 06:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Enjoy family. smile

Have a great Thursday Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185018
05/01/19 08:54 PM
05/01/19 08:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, so very sorry to hear that! I'm glad you are safe and sending positive thoughts you stay that way! We are floating away here. Rain, rain and more rain! Today will be another one just like the rest have been.

family, enjoy.

soot, so glad the worst is over!

SpaceQ, have a wonderful day! I hope all our rain doesn't reach you!

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185032
05/02/19 04:42 AM
05/02/19 04:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, SpaceQ, Ana and everyone. Joe hope you have a better weather day today. Family enjoy. SpaceQ enjoy your day too. Coffee and tea are ready. spring Have a great day everyone!Hope its sunny! spring


Gerry
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185038
05/02/19 06:09 AM
05/02/19 06:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Thump Day. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185040
05/02/19 06:25 AM
05/02/19 06:25 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good Joe sherlock - keep safe and warm:)....Ana wavegirl keep safe and warm too, it's been rain here non-stop as well..i made good use of my umbrella today.....Kaki's Sister kittyand Connie dragon wishing you both a lovely breakfast and beautiful day..family labhave a terrific day and enjoy watching your shows...

Happy Hump Day too all Boomers wave2 penguin

Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185065
05/02/19 10:42 AM
05/02/19 10:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Just back from a neighborhood walk. At the end of our street, I waved to a girl who walks very slowly. She asked to join me and I said "sure". I thought she would just want to go down the street and back, but she stayed with me for the whole way. She wanted to hold Sky's leash, and after a bit, I let her. He did very well with her. Took longer than usual, but that's ok!

Dogs are fed and I think I'm heading out to sit in the the shade and read. A week ago I was chasing the sun, but now I chase the shade. Read for a bit, get up and move back into the shade, read a bit, move, rinse and repeat. I can really feel the humidity climbing, so gotta enjoy the outdoors while I can.

Have a great day everyone! wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1185086
05/02/19 03:40 PM
05/02/19 03:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
We got a little bit of rain and the day was overcast but at least it is warm. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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