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Happy T*G*I*F #1185094
05/02/19 05:47 PM
05/02/19 05:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,837
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,837
Calera, Oklahoma
What should you do when 
you see an endangered animal 
eating an endangered plant?

~George Carlin~
````````````````````````



Realistic Romantic Comedies


• When Harry Met Sally and 
Discovered She Looks Nothing Like Her eHarmony Photos

• Love Handles, Actually

• Runaway Bridal Expenses

````

Tailor-Made Quips

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

````

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”

````

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my 
advantage. I take that as a compliment.

````

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”

I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

````

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”

“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.

He replies, “Two weeks.”

````

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

@TheNardvark

Do people who say “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising?

````

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?”

The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

````

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me 
a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.

````

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle—which no longer works—and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.

I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I thought I heard an intruder. 
I came down to scare him.”

Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, “You didn’t need the gun.”

````

Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old asked, “Did you marry Dad because he was good-looking?”

“Not really,” I replied.

“Did you marry him for his money?”

“Definitely not,” I laughed. “He didn’t have any.”

“So,” he said, “you just felt sorry for him.”

````

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status “I’m getting a divorce,” he was the first one to click Like.

````

Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?

A: He’s trying to figure out the combination.

````

During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, “You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don’t think I could ever marry again.”

Her friend nodded sympathetically. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Once is enough.”

````

Overheard at my garden-club meeting: “I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.”

````

I identify with football players because I know what it’s like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.

````

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.

“Your wife must like rolls,” he said.

“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.

“Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”

````

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?”

“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”

The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

````

For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with lavender-scented detergent. When my husband got into bed, he sniffed. "What’s this?" he asked.

"Guess," I said coyly.

"I have no idea," he said. "It smells like the stuff you use to line the hamster’s cage."

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


There's no hurry this evening. All the heavy weather is well South of us. bravo


After seeing our rainfall totals from last night, over 4", and checking out the temperature forecast for today, I decided to go to the sod farm. yes


I may not be going back out there for a long time. Grass is growing too fast. thumbsdown


I walked around and found two nice points, plus other pieces like scrapers and broken points. bravo


After that I walked to the other side of the farm to look, but the ground was so wet and muddy I couldn't walk in it. I tried going back to my truck by walking around this little lake, but he had graded all of that area, and it was a total swamp and mud, and every step I took sucked my feet 10" into the mud. It got so bad that it sucked one of my boots off. I could not put it back on in the mud. I had to carry my boot, so I could not carry Missy and she was having a very hard time walking. In places I had to walk through water that was over a foot deep. Missy had to swim. I could not see my foot because of the mud and I could not tell if my sock was still on it. I had to walk hundreds of yards to get back to my truck and it was life sucking mud all the way. By the time I got to a point where I could walk almost normally, I couldn't walk any more, I wanted to lay down and crawl. I was sucking air in like I had just done a 100 burpees. I drank a half gallon of water before I collapsed into my truck. I didn't even put my shoes back on. shocked


When I got home I pealed everything off in the laundry room, and took a long hot shower. slapforehead


That was my day. Missy and I will both sleep pretty good tonight. lol


Have a fantastic day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185101
05/02/19 06:53 PM
05/02/19 06:53 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,840
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,840
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera,

Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185113
05/02/19 08:56 PM
05/02/19 08:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,077
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,077
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, a very successful and fun day indeed! Congrats!

family, enjoy!

It's Friday!!! Woohoo!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185134
05/03/19 03:37 AM
05/03/19 03:37 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
G'day Joe, Ana and family Happy T*G*I*F and have a fabulous Friday.. wave2 penguin

Last edited by Taintedfury; 05/03/19 03:38 AM.
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185135
05/03/19 03:41 AM
05/03/19 03:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,129
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,129
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe that sounds like a scary time you had at the sod farm! Family enjoy. Ana Happy Friday. Taintedfury how are you doing? Everything okay? Coffee and tea are ready.
waveWishing everyone a great Friday! wave


Gerry
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185146
05/03/19 05:27 AM
05/03/19 05:27 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,676
winter springs fl.
connie Online content
Adept Boomer
connie  Online Content
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,676
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Eggs, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185175
05/03/19 09:41 AM
05/03/19 09:41 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Good morning Kaki's Sister - I'm mostly sore in the Bursa these days so i'm just counting the days till i get the steroid injection...as well keeping in regular contact with Mum(Mom)....P.s Coffee and tea sound wonderful right now happy T*G*I*F.. hug spring

Happy T*G*I*F Looney, Soot, Venus, Space Quest Fan and Connie.... wave2

Last edited by Taintedfury; 05/03/19 09:43 AM.
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185218
05/03/19 03:21 PM
05/03/19 03:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Great coffee Gerry happydance

happy TGIF Family Ana Connie and TaintedFury

woot Joe ... points and scrapers

I survived the week!

Have a great evening everyone wave2


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Happy T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1185226
05/03/19 04:37 PM
05/03/19 04:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,088
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,088
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great weekend Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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