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Joe's Saturdiner #1185237
05/03/19 05:21 PM
05/03/19 05:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,895
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,895
Calera, Oklahoma
There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

~Source: The Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith), 
on Downton Abbey~
````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````


Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.

When he saw me, he shouted, "Are those potato chips?"

````

After we had lunch with another couple, the women went shopping, and the men opted to go sailing. Bad decision—a storm blew in while we men were out on the water.

Making matters worse, the tide had gone out, grounding the boat. We had to climb overboard and shove it back into deep water.

As my friend stood there—ankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat, and rain pelting his face—he grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure beats shopping!"

````

It may have been the most romantic statement ever uttered in our courthouse. In between hearings, a wedding was performed. As the newlyweds left the courtroom, the bride nestled up to the groom and cooed, "Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?"

````

A soldier in my National Guard platoon became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.

"It’s not going to work for me," he said, panicked.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."

"So?"

"For the past ten years, I’ve been telling my wife that I serve for free!"

````

On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough.

"Kids," he said over the din, "if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me."

Our six-year-old shot back: "Too late, I already got you another present."

````

I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.

"Things haven’t changed that much," she said. "Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t."

````

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”

“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”

“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”

“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

````

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But she was speaking to you."

````

Scene: My checkout line at the supermarket.

Me: Paper or plastic?

Customer: I’d like double-bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.

Me: Okay.

Customer: In case you’re wondering, I had a fight with my wife, and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.

Me: Uh-huh.

Customer: It’s also her turn to unload the car.

````

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds."

"If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?" asked the second friend.

"I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first."

````

I was a mess. My career as an artist was going nowhere, my horseback riding was no longer fulfilling, and in general I felt unattractive. My husband did his best to be supportive: "You’re a great artist," "You’re a wonderful equestrian," "You’re the most beautiful woman I know."

One day, after another bad ride, I told him my horse seemed depressed. "How do I cheer up a horse?" I asked.

He shared his secret: "Tell her she’s good at stuff and that she looks beautiful."

````

While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome sameness.’"

"Monogamy," he answered.

````

A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by the text message he’d just received. "You ever have that ex-girlfriend who just won’t go away?" he asked his friend.

"Yeah," came the reply. "My wife."

````

"When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband’s grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That’s what I call an investment!"

````

A fourth marriage meant yet another name change for me. I didn’t realize the upheaval it had caused until I asked my father why I hadn’t heard from him in a while.

"I forgot your phone number," he said.

"You could’ve looked it up in the phone book."

"I didn’t know what name to look under."

````

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway.

````

Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every night, his wife, Louise, yells at him. One day, one of Louise’s friends suggests that she try a different tack. "Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words," she says. "He might change his ways."

That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual. But instead of berating him, Louise helps him into an easy chair, puts his feet up on the ottoman, removes his shoes, and gently massages his neck.

"It’s late," she whispers. "I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don’t you?"

"Might as well," says Harry. "I’ll get in trouble if I go home."

````

My husband and I attended a bridal fair trying to drum up work for his fledgling wedding photography business. One vendor assumed we were engaged and asked when the big day was.

"Oh, we’ve been married ten years," I said.

"Really?" she asked. "But you look so happy."

````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's the WEEKEND!!! joy2


It's been a very wet week for us. Not a lot of rain Thursday and Friday, but plenty of humidity. yes


Saturday and Sunday may be humid,but only 10 or 20% chance of rain. thumbsup


I need my yard to dry up so I can mow it. It's hard to mow through 2 or 3 inches of water. razz


That's about it for my weekend plans. duh


Awww the simple life. I feel like I'm in Green Acres. broccoli


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/03/19 05:22 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185255
05/03/19 09:24 PM
05/03/19 09:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,050
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,050
marietta,georgia
nothing.

Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185257
05/03/19 09:39 PM
05/03/19 09:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,428
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,428
In the Naughty Corner
We finally have sun after 5 inches of rain. yay

I had 3 hours sleep last night and I'm beat so I'll see you all in the morning...

Have a happy day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185263
05/04/19 02:38 AM
05/04/19 02:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,191
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,191
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana and everyone. Joe are you recovered from your trip to the sod farm? Family how about a nice walk today? Ana hope you get to sleep late! Coffee and tea are ready. waveHappy Saturday everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185272
05/04/19 06:02 AM
05/04/19 06:02 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,930
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,930
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Saturday. A trip to BJ's and the grocery store today. I will be working the kitchen for our dinner tonight at the Eagles. Danish, Eggs, BB Pancakes, Bacon, French Toast and Biscuits in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185274
05/04/19 06:14 AM
05/04/19 06:14 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,209
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,209
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Wow that is a lot of rain Ana. eek

Have a great day Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185279
05/04/19 06:36 AM
05/04/19 06:36 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,428
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,428
In the Naughty Corner
Hi ho...hi ho...it's off to work I go. I'm pet sitting this weekend so I have early morning and bed time visits. I will be

Gerry, grabbing some bacon on my way out! grin

connie, that is really nice of you to help out at the Eagles all the time! hearts How is Becky doing?

SpaceQ, I'm surprised our weather didn't make it to you!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185301
05/04/19 09:42 AM
05/04/19 09:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,348
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,348
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

We have tickets to Star Wars Night at the ball field, and it's Raining ....looks like it will be raining all day. We shall see if the game gets rained out.

Hope you all have a great day wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185302
05/04/19 09:56 AM
05/04/19 09:56 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Happy Saturday Everyone...wishing you all a beautiful yummy breakfast, lovely sunshine, fast happy work and quick speedy shopping.....Happy gaming Boomers. wave2 penguin

Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185307
05/04/19 10:39 AM
05/04/19 10:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,939
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,939
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Hey Ho Joe Family Ana Gerry Connie SpaceQuestFan TaintedFury and the rest of the Diner Gang when you get the chance to pop in laugh

I'm hoping we get some good rain too Joe ... cutting the grass can wait for rain yes

Send the rain our way Ana! Hope you got a good night's rest!

Have a great day Gerry and Connie ... the coffee is super and thank you for the Danish

Happy Saturday SQF and TaintedFury ... hope you both are well yes

L4L hearts

It's off to weekend projects and chores and hoping we don't get rained out tonight for the game ... May the 4th be with you is always a fun night at the stadium! happydance

Take care all wave2


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Joe's Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1185347
05/05/19 01:39 AM
05/05/19 01:39 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Thanks Soot hope you are too and have a super Saturday to.. wave2

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