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Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's #1185334
05/04/19 05:58 PM
05/04/19 05:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,837
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,837
Calera, Oklahoma
Fractured Fairy Tales

• There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She got her own TLC show. The end.

~Ryan Anderson~
``````````````````````````


As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed a man next to me juggling three boxes of candy and a large bouquet.

"What did you do wrong?" I said with a laugh.

He mumbled back, "I got married."

````

Suspecting he had a serious medical condition, I nagged my husband until he agreed to see a doctor. Once there, he was handed a mountain of forms to fill out. Next to "Reason for visit?" he wrote, "My wife made me."

````

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20s, and the man she was dating left for war. "We were in love," she recalled, "and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was."

"Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?" I asked.

"Oh, I didn’t marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman."

````

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”

“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”

“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”

“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

````

As my sister relaxed on the couch, her head comfortably leaning against the crook of her husband’s arm, her cell phone beeped. It was a text message from her husband: "Move."

````

It took me forever to wake up one of my nursing home patients. But after much poking, prodding, and wrangling, he finally sat up and fixed his twinkling blue eyes on my face. "My, you’re pretty!" he said. "Have I asked you to marry me yet?"

"No, you haven’t," I gushed.

"Good. Because I couldn’t put up with this every morning."

````

When my petite mother found her seat on the airplane, she was crushed between my 200-plus-pound father and another large man.

"I bet you wish you’d married a smaller man," my father said.

My mother mumbled, "I did."

````

Clearly, my husband and I need to brush up on our flirting. The other night, after I crawled into bed next to him, he wrapped his large arms around me, drew a deep breath, and whispered, "Mmm … that Vicks smells good."

````

I returned home from my ninth business trip of the year with a severe bout of jet lag–induced foot-in-mouth disease. As we prepared to go to sleep that night, I wrapped my arms around my better half, gave her a kiss, and announced, "It’s good to be in my own bed, with my own wife!"

````

Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.

Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?

Friend #2: I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.

Friend #1: What’s a GPS override?

Friend #2: My wife.

````

Before leaving for Officer Candidates School, I half-jokingly mentioned to my family that I was going to learn how to eat, sleep, shower, and shave all over again. My brother, in the throes of planning his wedding, muttered, "Me too."

````

I turned to my father one night and said, "It’s amazing—50 years and you never once had an affair. How do you account for that?" He replied, "I can’t drive."

````

My friend was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said, "I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"

"That’s a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist."

````

I was leafing through one of my hunting catalogs when I found something that made me laugh. "Look," I said to my wife. "What I’ve always wanted: a camouflage toilet seat."

"Get it," she said. "Then you’ll have an excuse for when you miss."

````

The burial service for the elderly woman climaxed with a massive clap of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder. "Well," said her husband to the shaken pastor when it ended, "she’s there."

````

My husband is a car nut. That’s why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our fifth wedding anniversary. It read "The last 72,000 miles of my life have been the best ever!"

````

My granddaughter asked why I called my husband Hon.

"It’s a term of endearment," I explained.

My husband mumbled, "After more than 40 years, it’s a term of endurement."

````

Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I’m renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I’ve reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said.

Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn’t spend that much on my wedding."

My friend answered, "I could have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once."

````

An item on craigslist: "Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $100. If she’s not home, $30."

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Welcome to Sunday morning lazy Joe's big D! welcome


I'm almost too lazy to breath this morning. Almost.... snicker


Saturday morning I went to Walmart. It was against my better judgement, but I never let that interfere with my plans. razz


Later on I mowed my yard.........also against my better judgement, but it was actually the best time to get it done. It was cloudy, breezy, and on the cooler side of the 70s. bravo


The temps are going up into the 80s for Sunday. slapforehead


I hope everyone has a super Sunday. rah


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185336
05/04/19 06:04 PM
05/04/19 06:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,840
marietta,georgia
family Offline
Addicted Boomer
family  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,840
marietta,georgia
cooking frozen pizza with hubby.

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185343
05/04/19 11:49 PM
05/04/19 11:49 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,077
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 78,077
In the Naughty Corner
What a long Saturday! I can't believe I packed in work, took Nugget for a long day hike and swim, back to work and then off to an late night event with hubby. Now home and ready for bed!

Have a great day all! I have my nieces sons baptism today and then work.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185348
05/05/19 02:01 AM
05/05/19 02:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,129
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,129
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana and everyone. Joe hope you get to do some fun things today! Family enjoy your pizza. Ana sounds like another busy day for you! Coffee and tea are ready. wave Wishing everyone a Happy Day! wave


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185351
05/05/19 04:40 AM
05/05/19 04:40 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,088
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,088
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Enjoy your Sunday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185355
05/05/19 06:51 AM
05/05/19 06:51 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Good morning Joe glad you got the lawn while it's cooler...

Ana wishing a wonderful night sleep and huggie nugget..

family pizza sounds delicious...enjoy yummy

Kaki's sister and Space Quest Fan have a lovely breaky and beautiful day..

Happy gaming Boomers wave2 penguin

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185377
05/05/19 10:09 AM
05/05/19 10:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Good morning Boomers laugh

Sunday Sunday Joe ... we are off to watch End Game ... grand son offered to mow lawn on Saturday happydance

Family ... Pizza sounds wonderful ... enjoy!!

Enjoy the baptism Ana ... will be thinking of you at work

Gerry ... I'll take a tall dark roast please thanks

Happy Sunday SpaceQuestFan and TaintedFury wave

Have a great day everyone wave2


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185387
05/05/19 11:07 AM
05/05/19 11:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,676
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 11,676
winter springs fl.
Hello everyone, have a Wonderful Sunday. Went out for breakfast this morning. Becky is doing good, but a real challenge at times. As soon as she goes in the yard she's in the Koi pond. The Koi do not like sharing. She also likes to pull the plants and throw them out of the pond. She is growing fast, a work in progress. She goes for her last puppy shots on Thursday. Sandwiches and Cookies in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185398
05/05/19 03:40 PM
05/05/19 03:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,593
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,593
kansas
thought i would check in. i do sneak a peek in once in a while. sitting here waiting for hubby to put wings in the oven for our supper and tater salad that we made to go along with them. all this rainy weather we have had has been playing hell with my breathing and looks like we got more for this week. my breathing treatments help a little but it this keeps up may have to go to the dr. hope everyone is having a great sunday, trying to stay awake to watch another episode of the red line tonight

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185411
05/05/19 06:32 PM
05/05/19 06:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 30,591
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Hello Connie and My10RRs ... it's so good to see you both

My10 ... I hope you get a break in the weather conditions! In the meantime I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers ... have fun watching Red Line

Hey Ho Connie ... it's so good to hear about Beck laugh I'm headed to the NC for some cookies and milk

Oh my but End Game was quite the movie ... took my breath away. Will need to see it in the theater again before it moves on!

Happy Sunday evening everyone ... off to finish weekend chores and projects wave2

penguin


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185421
05/05/19 07:31 PM
05/05/19 07:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,593
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,593
kansas
thanks soot, but red line wasn't on tonight for all the severe weather happening here. we were under a torndao warning for a quite a while but nothing happened. sat here in my chair in the front room watching the rain coming down like crazy , thundering so bad hubby had to help with my dog to keep her calm and some winds blowing like crazy. so am saying good night

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday Joe's [Re: gymcandy1] #1185444
05/06/19 01:57 AM
05/06/19 01:57 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 821
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Thanks Soot you too... wave2

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