The Internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
~Jon Stewart~
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Our local newspaper lists recipients of school awards. Beneath one photo, the caption read "This year’s Perfect Attendance Awards go to Ann Stein and Bradley Jenkins. Not present for photo: Bradley Jenkins."
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When our students began raising donations for Child Abuse Prevention Week, the school administration did its part by setting up a collection box outside the principal’s office and displaying a banner by the front door of the lobby. It read "Please give $1 to help stop child abuse in the front office."
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An amateur pilot wannabe, I knew I’d finally made progress with my flight training the day my instructor turned to me and said, “You know, you’re not as much fun since you stopped screaming.”
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Discovered: why our nation’s education system is in trouble. When a friend delivered 20 new math books to a teacher’s classroom, the teacher exclaimed, "Oh, shoot! I was hoping it was something I could use."
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In lectures on human genetics, I explained to my college students that males determine the sex of the offspring by contributing either an X or a Y chromosome. So at the end of the year, I put it on the final exam: "How is the sex of the child determined?"
One student wrote, "By examining it at birth."
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A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, “You are unique—just like everyone else.”
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During my first meeting with my physically challenged students, I assured them that most people are handicapped in some way.
"Look at me," I said. "My eyes are so bad, I need to wear glasses. Because I can barely hear, I need a hearing aid. And look at my ears—they’re much bigger than they should be."
From the back, a boy added, "And your nose too."
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Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, Joey, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Joey: Because George still had the ax in his hand?
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When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow teacher asked a student, "Why do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?"
The third grader opined, "Because she’s read all our books?"
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One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.
"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor."
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I’d contacted a butcher to get sheep brains for a lecture in my neuroanatomy class and said I’d be by to pick them up. But when I arrived at his shop, it was closed. Taped to the door was this note: "Teacher, your brains are next door at the barbershop."
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"Guess what?" yelled my high schooler as he burst through the door. "I got a 100 on the Spanish quiz that I didn’t even know we were having."
"That’s great!" I said. "But why didn’t you know about the quiz?"
"Because our teacher told us about it in Spanish."
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Interviewing a college applicant, the dean of admissions asks, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The student thinks it over, then answers, "The living one."
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Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.
Millie: I is …
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, "I am."
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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An e-mail from our school principal: "The Miss BHS Beauty Pageant has been moved to Friday night instead of Saturday because of the contestants involved in the hog show."
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When a nosy fourth-grade student wanted the scoop on what another teacher and I were discussing in private, I decided it was time for an impromptu lesson in manners.
"Do you know what ‘minding your own business’ means?" I asked pointedly.
He didn’t, but a student clear across the room shouted, "I do!"
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Flummoxed by his true-false final exam, a student decides to toss a coin up in the air. Heads means true; tails, false. Thirty minutes later, he’s done, well before the rest of the class. But then the student starts flipping the coin again. And soon he’s swearing and sweating over each question.
"What’s wrong?" asks the concerned teacher.
"I’m rechecking my answers," says says the student.
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"Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don’t want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!"
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I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes.
"When you’re too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist."
A friend next to me whispered, "And if you’re too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they put you in the front and call you a conductor."
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Good morning everyboomie.
My morning was a booming, blustery morning. I woke up to rain pounding against the windows so hard I thought they would break.
There were tornadoes and rumors of tornadoes all over Texas and Oklahoma.
After I got up I saw that I slept right through a tornado warning.
It finally cleared off and with the wind blowing pretty good....it felt pretty good.
I finished up my bathroom flooring job. It looks great if I say so myself.
Got a text from the Ford dealer that said my truck is nearing completion. Maybe they'll finish it early.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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