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Thursdiner #1186902
05/22/19 07:27 PM
05/22/19 07:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous—everyone hasn’t met me yet.

~Rodney Dangerfield~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After his first day back at school in the fall, I asked my son if the high-school students were wearing anything new. "Well," he replied, "a lot of the fellows are showing up in see-through mustaches."
~~~~

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help. "I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."
~~~~

We live less than a quarter-mile from the high school, but my son proudly drove there in a car he bought with his own money. A typical first car, it had lots of little problems and was sometimes slow to start.

One morning I was surprised to see it still in front of the house, so after school I asked him about it. "I had to get to school early," he said, "so I just ran."
~~~~

I’d contacted a butcher to get sheep brains for a lecture in my neuroanatomy class and said I’d be by to pick them up. But when I arrived at his shop, it was closed. Taped to the door was this note: "Teacher, your brains are next door at the barbershop."
~~~~

Four students walked in halfway through the American history test my father was giving at the local community college. "Sorry," they said, "we had a flat tire."

An understanding man, Dad said that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an "A" for the exam. The students agreed. So my father handed each one a piece of paper, placed them in four separate corners and said, "Write down which tire was flat."
~~~~

At the beginning of my junior year at Russellville High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations.

Where it read "Vocational Plans," she had written, "Florida."
~~~~

One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was "There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly." After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she’ll die?"

"Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on ‘Fear Factor.’ "
~~~~

While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?" A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"
~~~~

I was teaching a life-skills class to my high school students one day, and we were discussing the various terms one might encounter in a restaurant. I asked, "What does the phrase ‘à la carte’ mean?" "It means," a student said, "you’re in the wrong restaurant."
~~~~

Parents are justifiably upset when their children don’t get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D’s, I explained that her daughter just wasn’t as "competitive" as the admitted class. "Why doesn’t she try another school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested.

"Another school!" exclaimed Mom. "Have you seen her grades?"
~~~~

Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a terrible car wreck? He was grading papers on a curve.
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Another day another dollar, or so they say, but then they say a lot of things don't 'they'? rolleyes


I suppose $365 dollars a year will make some people happy. razz


I need a few more than that $1, just to pay for my gas to get me down to the VA in the morning for labs. yes


That appointment is at 8:30. Ouch that's early for a retired old man! shocked


I'd rather do it early and be done with it, but that's a bit early for me. tired


After that, I'll check and see if my truck is ready. That would save me making the trip again on Friday. I seriously doubt it'll be ready though. taz


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/22/19 07:28 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186916
05/22/19 08:09 PM
05/22/19 08:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Joe, glad you'll get your business done early to give you the rest of the day to do some more work at home wink

Family ... hope you enjoy your shows ... any cooking today?

Ana...I'm hoping you get a break from the rain ... yes, she can keep the snow lol

Connie...80% humidity makes for some hot days for sure and then above 90 makes for just plain "muggy" hot

Have a great day SpaceQuestFan

L4L hearts

Last day of work this week for me ... with a four day weekend to follow happydance

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Connie L4L and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186920
05/22/19 09:37 PM
05/22/19 09:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera.

Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186922
05/22/19 10:15 PM
05/22/19 10:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope your labs are all good and the truck is ready!

soot, congrats on a 4-day weekend! I don't know what mine looks like yet!

family, have fun!

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186927
05/23/19 06:10 AM
05/23/19 06:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Thursday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC.


Connie
Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186955
05/23/19 02:47 PM
05/23/19 02:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. Have a greay rest of the day.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Thursdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #1186965
05/23/19 05:27 PM
05/23/19 05:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Heading out to Bible Study...have a great evening ya'll puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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