I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.
—Mindy Kaling
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!
~~~~
Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle?
A: An extra hour of rain
~~~~
Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates?
A: To Cloud 9
~~~~
Q: What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
A: England
~~~~
Q: What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A: A rain of terror
~~~~
Q: What is a mountain’s favorite type of candy?
A: Snow caps
~~~~
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A: A snowmobile!
their baby’s crib?
A: A snowmobile!
~~~~
Q: What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A: A snow-fake!
~~~~
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
Recording on an Australian tax help line
~~~~
My friend, an intern, was given $50 to get the chairman of the bank some lunch. Told to get himself something, he bought a shirt.
~~~~
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.
“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my
feelings.”
~~~~
My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I
use it as both. When not in use, it
is prominently displayed in a
decorative ceramic utensil caddy
in my kitchen.
The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at
a rummage sale.
It’s a pooper-scooper.
~~~~
Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?
Friend: You ordered a BLT.
Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread.
~~~~
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back
in 20 minutes. The woman asked,
“Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”
~~~~
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.
“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in
our wall.”
~~~~
Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.
Me: You mean … the period?
Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.
~~~~
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
~~~~
As the hostess at the casino
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my
husband, who would be joining me
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
~~~~
I guess this is what happens after you’ve worked at the same place for a while. I was eating at a fast-food restaurant when an employee began his shift by walking into the kitchen area and calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie and welcome to the weekend!
I just finished mowing my lawn. Had to wait for it to cool down.
I'm running way late now so I'm gonna throw this out for you to start enjoying.
Have a happy day and a super weekend everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Using a leaf blower on it helps cool it down. 
