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Sippy Sappy Sunday #1187134
05/25/19 07:33 PM
05/25/19 07:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.

~Stephen Colbert~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.

After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
~~~~

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
~~~~

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn’t move; he just stared.

“Don’t you want to sit on the 
bunny’s lap?” I asked.

“No!” he shouted. “There’s 
a man in his mouth!”
~~~~

Q. How are stars like false teeth?

A. They both come out at night!
~~~~

An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”
~~~~

The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.

“How old are you?” a tenant asked.

“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.

The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”
~~~~

Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four 
elderly women. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could be made about this bust:

Golden Girls, Interrupted

The Lavender Hair Mob

Indicting Miss Daisy

No Country for Old Women

The Social Security Network
~~~~

As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”

She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
~~~~

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
~~~~

When a soldier came to the 
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an 
attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination 
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was 
I in there for?”
~~~~

After trick-or-treating, 
a teen takes a shortcut home 
through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots 
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

“I thought you were a ghost,” 
says the relieved teen. “What are you 
doing working so late?”

“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”
~~~~

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
~~~~

“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.

“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”

“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.
~~~~

In the hardware store, a 
clerk asked, “Can I help you find 
anything?”

“How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband.

The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
~~~~

A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
~~~~

A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”

“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.

The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”

“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.

“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
~~~~

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.

“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”

“But Larry’s still alive.”

“I know, but his hair is gone.”
~~~~

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.

Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
~~~~

She’s only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. One day she said, “You know what kills me … ?”

Smiling, Mark teased, “Apparently nothing.”
~~~~

While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated.

"Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. "I’m looking for my wife. She has white hair and is wearing white shoes."

Gesturing around the store, the clerk responded, "Take your pick."
~~~~

Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
~~~~


Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Family I wish I could say as much with one word, and not need to explain what I mean. lol


I think my Sunday will be a nothing day. wink


This morning I did all of my weed eating. When I finished I was really full. snicker


I didn't do a whole lot after that.


I won't get my truck back for 2 more weeks. hardwall


They texted me on Tuesday and said 'your repair is near completion.' I didn't hear anything else from them, so I fully expected to go down and pick it up at the finish date they gave me, Friday. Then Friday morning I got a text that said, 'your repair completion date has been rescheduled to June 6th.' WHAT!!!! taz


I called them and the guy tells me that the new door was damaged when they received it. slapforehead


Then why did I get a text on Tuesday that said it was near completion, and on time??


Why wasn't I notified sooner that it was going to be delayed??


When was that door received in anyway??


I was probably a little too verbal with the guy, but a month to repair my truck is bull and that's what I told him. blush


Hey, have a happy day everyone.


I know I will, thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/25/19 07:39 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187136
05/25/19 08:26 PM
05/25/19 08:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday Joe and all my fellow Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187137
05/25/19 08:27 PM
05/25/19 08:27 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
nothing, because monday is a holiday

Last edited by family; 05/25/19 08:27 PM.
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187146
05/25/19 09:27 PM
05/25/19 09:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you beat me to the weed eating punch line! lol So sorry about your truck. That really stinks. frown

SpaceQ, any BBQing this weekend?

family, hope you can find something fun!

Full house of 18 people today. The last few days have been crazy getting ready but it all is falling together! Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187182
05/26/19 09:01 AM
05/26/19 09:01 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Hot hot hot in AL. Going to sit under the shade tree and read and sip and hope for a breeze. Have a great day wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187185
05/26/19 09:36 AM
05/26/19 09:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Joe, oh my goodness, what a run around with your truck frown

SpaceQuestFan ... wishing you a Super Sunday too!

Family ... sounds like a good day for pizza!

Ana, have fun with all your guests today!

Connie ... hope your fish fry was fun! I'll have some biscuits in the NC ... coffee and tea are ready in the NC too everyone

Ms Mary ... it was so nice to see you yesterday in the diner ... have a Super Sunday, enjoy your tea as I will definitely enjoy mine too ... safe travels back to home tomorrow

Replaced the flush assembly in our toilet yesterday afternoon ... a 15-20 minute job that lasted for hours as I struggled to get the nuts off the old valve and on to the new one ... the loosening and tightening work took place in a recessed space with only enough room for fingers and no tools woozy

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan L4L and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave

Happy Sunday everyone!


wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187213
05/26/19 03:32 PM
05/26/19 03:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
No BBQ planned but it sounds great Ana. lol

Glad you finally got the job finished soot.

Enjoy your evening Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sippy Sappy Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1187254
05/26/19 11:07 PM
05/26/19 11:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nighty night...


Don't feed the Trolls
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