Responsible? Who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it’s always, “Who’s responsible for this?”
~Jerry Seinfeld~
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An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.
"Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?"
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My 60-year-old mother-in-law, completing two years of wearing orthodontic braces, was in the office having them adjusted. As she sat in one of the waiting- room chairs, the teenager next to her looked at my mother-in-law in astonishment. "Wow," he said. "How long have you been coming here?"
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My diminutive aunt Flora, just four feet, nine inches tall, accepted an offer to visit a health club for a free session. After being greeted heartily, she was shown where she could change and told an instructor would soon be with her.
Having changed her clothes, Aunt Flora went back to the exercise area. Along one wall she noticed a silver bar that was not in use, and decided to try her hand at chin-ups while she waited. She jumped up, barely reaching the bar, and managed to strain through two chin-ups before the instructor came to her side.
Smiling politely, the instructor said, "If you want to let go of the coat rack and follow me, I’ll be glad to help you get started."
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A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! I don’t feel a day over 100!"
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One day at the office of the orthopedic specialist I work for, we had to make arrangements for an elderly patient with spinal arthritis to have a special injection. We said we would phone him with the information.
Two days later, the patient called us, concerned that he had missed our call because of his poor hearing. "I can barely hear, barely see and barely walk," he told me.
Then he added cheerfully, "Things could be worse, though. At least I can still drive."
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Just before Easter I remarked to my husband that, with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt.
“That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”
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Gift RegistryBob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. Bob suggests they go in.
Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. He explains they’re about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?"
"Of course we do," the pharmacist replies.
"Medicine for rheumatism?"
"Definitely," he says.
"How about Viagra?"
"Of course."
"Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
"Yes, the works."
"What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?"
"Absolutely."
"Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
"All speeds and sizes."
"Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. "We’d like to register for our wedding gifts here, please."
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For years my sister’s husband tried unsuccessfully to persuade her to get a hearing aid. "How much do they cost?" she asked one day after he had pitched the idea to her again.
"They’re usually about $3,000," he said.
"Okay, well, if you say something worth $3,000," she replied, "I’ll get one."
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I was with my husband at a baseball game in Boston’s Fenway Park when I decided to go get myself a hot dog. As I stood up my husband asked me to buy him a beer. The young clerk at the concession stand asked to see verification of age.
"You’ve got to be kidding," I said. "I’m almost 40 years old." He apologized, but said he had to insist. When I showed him my license, the clerk served me the beer. "That will be $4.25."
I gave him $5 and told him to keep the change. "The tip’s for carding me," I said.
He put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
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A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my cousin’s 100th birthday party. On the front—in bold letters—it screamed, "If he’s heard it once, he’s heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Sam!"
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My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now."
"Don’t worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. "Maybe you’ll go into overtime."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump day already?
I have to say, it's a rude awakening when you find out your house is held together with plaster, caulk, and paint.
I started on my kitchen floor in earnest today, and this is not going to be a 2 day job.
I made a trip to Lowe's this morning to get some more flooring, and some other supplies. Came home and started clearing what I could out of the kitchen.
Then I started removing the old baseboard. That's when I discovered what I had feared, that there's something rotten in Denmark.
I had to make another trip to Walmart to get stop-gap expanding foam, wall plaster and spackling to fill all the holes and keep all the spiders living under the house from coming in.
I'll probably have to go back for more of that stuff tomorrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope you can get it all squared away! 
Wishing everyone a Happy Day! 
