The worst-tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.
~David Letterman~
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Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
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I’m laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure. About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him, “What are you doing?” He responds, “I’m measuring your patience.”
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What did the buffalo say when his son left.
"Bison"
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Every year, after it turns 12:00 AM on January 1st, my dad makes the same exact jokes. “Where’s your mother, I haven’t seen her ALL YEAR!” “Man, I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!!” “WOW, we’ve been watching this TV ALL YEAR!!”
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Q: What did one ocean say to the shore?
A: Nothing. It just waved.
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Happy Father’s Day to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.
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Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.
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My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no", he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.
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Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A Thesaurus
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Dad Wisdom: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
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I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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Q: What’s the opposite of irony?
A: Wrinkly.
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies,
Yes, I’m positive.
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Son: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Don’t call me Later, call me Dad.
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Dad: What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs?
Son: Bologna
Dad: This isn’t bologna, son, it's a serious question.
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Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye Matey!
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Dad Wisdom: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
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Son: Hey, Dad, whats this movie about?
Dad: It’s about two hours.
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Dad Wisdom: I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.
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Son: Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
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Q: Dad how do you take you coffee?
A: Seriously, very seriously son.
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Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Because the “p” is silent.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Excuse me.......
.......I'm sorry, those jokes crack me up.
This weekend is moving way too fast.
I went to the sod farm this morning. I tried talking myself out of it, but none of my excuses had any merit, so I went anyway.
I was out there less than 2 hours and I found 4 points, and 2 scrapers.
I just should have gone 2 hours earlier, because I was soaked by the time I quit.
I just can't handle the heat any more. Not that I ever could.
I think I'll be super lazy Sunday.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe, congratulations on your finds 
Have a Great Sunday everyone! 
