The doctor says to the patient, “Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window.”
“What will that do?” asks the patient.
The doctor says, “I’m mad at my neighbor!”
~Jack Benny~
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Q: What does one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let's get together and make some cents.
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Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!
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Q: What is Barack Obama's new slogan in these tough times?
A: Spare Change You Can Believe In!
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Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
A: A penny.
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Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is "change" in the weather.
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Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
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Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry.
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Son: "Mom can I get twenty bucks"
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money
Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
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Q: Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween?
A: A kid dressed up as a 401 (K)
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Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
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Q: What did the midget say when I asked him for a dollar?
A: "Sorry, I'm a little short"
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Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
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Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?
A: The Leprechan took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!
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Q: Why are guys calling information in Bangkok?
A: To save money on phone sex!
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Little Jacob is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid jew. Their favorite joke is to offer Jacob his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Jacob always takes the nickel. One day, after Jacob takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Jacob, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Jacob grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
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A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. "Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?" "As a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"
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A Jewish boy asks his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, "Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."
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A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
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A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!!!
I just wanna be prepared.
Either that or I'm overly optimistic.
Although, I don't think I'm capable of being that optimistic.
Well we're steamrolling through June, eh? We're almost half way through the year......already.
Only six more shopping months till Christmas.
Have a super Tuesday everybody. Don't forget to vote.
joe
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Summer is almost officially here! Enjoy your Day everyone! 
