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Monday's #1191361
07/14/19 07:16 PM
07/14/19 07:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

~Bill Watterson~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!
~~~~

What goes black white black white.........?
A penguin rolling down a hill!

What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!
~~~~

Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
~~~~

One mosquito to another, "I cut myself shaving this morning. Breakfast is on me."
~~~~

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time."
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"
~~~~

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
~~~~

Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
~~~~

Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out
and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times
and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and
snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2. Home he replied to shag the cat!!
~~~~

Man decides to buy a pet, but does not know what he wants as a pet, so he goes to the pet shop in search of a pet.
He sees cats in a cage dogs on another cage spiders, rabbits, frogs, birds, fish in aquariums and finally he sees a very colorful parrot in the corner of the store and he goes to the area where the parrot was and salesman asks him,
"Are you interested in this parrot?" the man says, "Does he talk?" the salesman says,
"If you pull his left leg he will say the our father and if you pull his right leg, he will say the hailmary!"
The man says, "What will the parrot say if I pull both legs at the same time?"
The parrot says, "I'll fall on my a** stupid!"
~~~~

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."
~~~~

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
~~~~

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"Oh no, it's just that he's really heavy."
~~~~

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout.
"This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent.
The guys says to the dog, "What's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait," the guy says.
He asks the dog, "What does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you."
He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" barks the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog then turns to the guy and says, "Maybe he's a DiMaggio fan."
~~~~

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Well I got up at 5:00 this morning, and got out to the sod farm by 7:30. It was as I thought. He had mowed the weeds and brush down in the back, but there was still about 20 yards of really tall brush that I had to walk through, and I mean it was as tall as me. slapforehead


I scratched around back there for a long time and found nothing. Then I went across the farm to the other side and walked around and found a couple of points, but they had both been resharpened numerous times to where there was not much left of them. yes


We were back home by 10:30. I think tomorrow I'll make up for getting up so early today. wink


I also think I'll go to Lowe's tomorrow and dig up a project for me to do. thumbsup


I hope y'all have a happy day. woot


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/14/19 07:16 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191362
07/14/19 07:39 PM
07/14/19 07:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good morning Joe hope you find something fun a Lowe's to work on think

Moanday Mourning everyone laugh

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave

penguin


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191363
07/14/19 08:22 PM
07/14/19 08:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and later ordering pizza.

Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191375
07/14/19 10:11 PM
07/14/19 10:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Fantastic Joe! Glad you had a productive outing!

soot, hope this week goes smoothly for you!

family, enjoy!

I have a quiet house for two days and then another boarder. Nugget is resting up!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191387
07/15/19 04:03 AM
07/15/19 04:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, family, Ana and everyone. Joe hope you get to go to the farm again soon. Soot got your kopi luwak ready for you. Family enjoy your pizza. Ana quiet is good! Coffee and tea are ready.

waveHappy Monday everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191394
07/15/19 06:01 AM
07/15/19 06:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope you are all well and having a Marvelous Monday!

Have to have a blood test today to see if the iron infusion did any good...fingers crossed it's helped to stabilise the numbers. After that we will do some grocery shopping.

Have a great day all!

Much love,

Mary hearts wavegirl


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191397
07/15/19 06:34 AM
07/15/19 06:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Working the kitchen for Bingo. Regular meeting tonight. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191433
07/15/19 11:07 AM
07/15/19 11:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Had a hot and humid walk through the neighborhood this morning. Getting ready to see if I can get Seagy to eat some breakfast. Have some errands this afternoon. Must think about dinner, though that may be all I do....think.

Have a great day all wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1191448
07/15/19 04:21 PM
07/15/19 04:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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