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Tuesday Moaning #1193638
08/12/19 06:38 PM
08/12/19 06:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

~W. C. Fields~
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
~~~~

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honor," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, that lawyer objects."
~~~~

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
~~~~

What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
~~~~

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
~~~~

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
~~~~

Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. I don't understand, Cindy complained. When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that? Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.
~~~~

Q:What's the difference between a Lawyer and a mosquito?
A:The Lawyer has a briefcase!
~~~~

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a criminal?
Another criminal.
~~~~

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive...
~~~~

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."

"No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
~~~~

What did one math book say to the other math book?

"I don't know about you man, but I got a lot of problems!"
~~~~

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
~~~~

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult.
All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. joy2


Another day, another 420,000 miles. woot


That's how far Voyager 1 travels in one day. shocked


I was reading a story about Voyager 1 & 2, They have been traveling 420,000 miles a day for over 40 years, and still have to travel for another 18,000 years just to travel one light year. slapforehead


They have been traveling away from our sun for over 40 years (almost 22 billion kilometers) , and the sun's light takes only 17 hours to reach them. eek


So, the light travels that far in 1 year. That's why those frying heat rays from the sun reach us in 8 minutes, and buddy there were a lot of those around here today. 102 degrees at 6:00. taz

Fortunately the cool rays from my air conditioner reach me in about 8 seconds. penguin


Have a cool day everyone. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 08/12/19 06:52 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193643
08/12/19 07:10 PM
08/12/19 07:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
You and me both Joe ... we hit 117 heat index yesterday but think it'll be cooler today around ... I hope

Gerry, I'm liking your tall, dark and strong coffees ... keep them coming happydance

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193645
08/12/19 07:36 PM
08/12/19 07:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, that is a fascinating tidbit! Stay cool!

soot, I love my strong dark roast too! Hot by you! Eek!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193649
08/12/19 09:29 PM
08/12/19 09:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193660
08/13/19 04:00 AM
08/13/19 04:00 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, soot, Ana, family and all. Joe stay cool. Soot I'll keep them coming. Ana how about a double dark roast this morning?? Family enjoy.
Coffee and tea are ready.

waveHappy Tuesday wished for everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193668
08/13/19 06:22 AM
08/13/19 06:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Hot, Humid, and Rainy here. Dinner and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193671
08/13/19 08:51 AM
08/13/19 08:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
family, enjoy!

Gerry, that definitely hit the spot! Hope all is well by you!

connie, sounds like a fun evening! What are your favorite songs?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193674
08/13/19 08:54 AM
08/13/19 08:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope you are all well and managing to keep cool! Our weather has been hot and sticky (ugh!) but today is a lot fresher and cooler after some torrential downpours yesterday.

Still no further forward re bowel problem, still waiting for colonoscopy.

I've been kept busy recently making greetings cards for family and friends, which keeps me out of mischief! I will soon be making a start on C*******s cards (don't want to say the word out loud!). Can't believe we're well into August already.

Today has been spent clearing out wardrobes, badly needed.

Take care all, and enjoy the rest of your day.

Much love!

Mary hearts wavegirl


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193699
08/13/19 12:16 PM
08/13/19 12:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Hi Mary, its so good to see you posting. I'm keeping you in my prayers always.
Enjoy the rest of you day.

Love & Hugs,
Gerry catrub


Gerry
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193720
08/13/19 03:31 PM
08/13/19 03:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Super busy day....first time sitting since I rolled out. Gonna toss the bread in the oven when I post this and then go sit and read for a bit. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #1193725
08/13/19 06:22 PM
08/13/19 06:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good evening Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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