Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
~Mae West ~
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What's brown and sticky?
A STICK!
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Q: What is a baby's motto
A: If at first you don't succeed cry cry again!
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What did the volcano say to the other volcano?
Stop erupting me.
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A Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food."
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What do you give a cat for its birthday?
A catologue!!!
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A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
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Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
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Doctor doctor I feel like Im a pack of cards. What can I do ?
Doctor: I deal with you later.
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What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older?
A broom.
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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John: How old are you?
Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7
John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old ?
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Q: How do you fit 4 elephants into a mini?
A: 2 in the front 2 in he back.
Q: How do you fit 4 giraffes into a mini?
A: You can't because the elephants are in there.
Q: How do you know there is 2 elephants in the fridge?
A: There's foot prints in the butter.
Q: How do you know there's 3 elephants in the fridge?
A: You can't close the door.
Q: How do you know there's 4 elephants in the fridge?
A: ...............there will be a mini parked outside.
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Q: How do you put a elephant in the fridge?
A: Open the door, put the elephant in and close the door.
Q: How do you put a giraffe if the fridge?
A: Open the door take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
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Once chuck norris and time had race.
Result: Time is still running.
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Chuck Norris can walk on water..,he's not God...the water is just afraid of getting him wet.
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Chuck Norris could start a fire with 2 ice cubes.
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Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy. That is why there is no life on any of them.
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It is more of a challenge for Chuck Norris to kill something with a gun than with his bare hands.
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When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, TALKS LIKE A DUCK, AND SMELLS LIKE A DUCK BUT CHUCK NORRIS SAYS ITS A GIRAFFE ITS A [blip] GIRAFFE!
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When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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Suicide committed Chuck Norris.
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Good morning everyboomie, and Chuck Norris lovers everywhere.
If there are any out there.
Welcome to the weekend everyone!
Today has been a day of surprises.
The forecast for today had said 95 for a high, and 20% chances for rain. When I got up the sky was cloudy, and then started getting darker, and very windy. I looked at the radar and almost the entire state was under a thunderstorm.
I walked out on the porch and it felt really good, so I jumped in the truck with Missy and headed for the park. It felt great. It was very cool and the wind felt great. After we got back I hopped on my mower and mowed the lawn, and then did the trimming.
It never got over 82 degrees.
About 1:00 it got so dark I had to turn on my light. The garden solar lights even came on.
After that it finally started to rain, and I was laying on the couch when someone knocked on my door. It was my oldest brother and his wife, and my nephew and his wife and their two daughters.
They had all been at the casinos playing for the day, and the girls wanted to meet Pepper.
No one was that interested in seeing me I guess.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Thanks for starting the day for us! 
