Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~Mark Twain~
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It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said, "Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today."
"But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"?
"Because," answered his mother, "you're a teacher!"
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Q: What are a blonde's first words after graduating college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
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Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
A: It improves di-vision.
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Chintu: "You never study, so how come you don't fail your math tests?"
Pintu: "Because whenever there is a math test, I don't go to school!"
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A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
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Teacher: "What is the largest city?"
Student: "Electricity!"
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A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?"
The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
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The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a cow do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!
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Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
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Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, "My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just frigging beautiful!'"
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I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
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A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.
So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.
He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Hell yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "NANANANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Hell yeah!"
So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said "NANANANANANANA, BATMAN!"
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Teacher asks to a student that if I give you 3+3 rabbits, how many do you have"?
Student tells, I will have 7 rabbits.
Teacher asks, how?
Student tells, i already have 1 rabbit.
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Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Vincent: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”
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How do you get a Florida State graduate off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
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Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Only fours days till the weekend!
I think I can, I think I can......
It was 97 here today Ana. I think you need to move down here, don't you?
Our forecast is a never ending string of mid 90's.
Actually it ends in 14 days, it just seems never ending.
The forecast only goes 14 days ahead.
How they can look weeks ahead and say one day will be 91 degrees, and the next day will be 92 degrees is a wonder to me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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