Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
~Dave Barry~
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Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
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A kid comes home from school and so excitedly telling his dad ,daddy daddy the teacher asked a question at school today and I was the only one who answered it,
His father replies congratulations to my son I am proud but what was the question ?
Who broke the [blip] window....
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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
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Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
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Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up dear."
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Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: He missed half the class before he woke up.
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Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
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Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
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Good morning everyboomie.
A nuther day, a nuther 97 degrees.
I wish I could bottle all those degrees and sell them.
I bet you I'd have at least one repeat customer.......who would always receive the house discount of course.
Other than being very warm, as late Summer, early Fall days go, it was a day.
Now I'm ready for a night.
And that's is all....
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
...well, you'll catch the next class I'm sure
