“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” –
~Rumi~
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Corny Dad JokesDid you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up.
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her of her feet.
I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.
Needless to say, I'm ex-static.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
I knew I shouldn't have had the sea food.
I'm feeling a little eel.
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
Deaf defying.
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
But I'm on a roll now.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a complete rip-off.
I tried drag racing the other day.
It's murder trying to run in heels.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.
His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."
And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".
The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."
I'm the Norse god of mischief but I don't like to talk about it.
I guess you could say I'm low-key.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on!
What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.
When's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There's nothing left but de Brie.
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Good morning everyboomie.
October the 1st.
Yeah Baby! 
October is my kind of month.......even though we're gonna be like 94 degrees today and tomorrow. I see change a coming.
I had a busy day today (Monday). So busy I had to go down to the electric co-op and file bankruptcy. My energy was all spent.
Yep. Making up my bed was exhausting. So exhausting I had to crawl back in bed after I was done.
Tuesday will be better.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
Did you guys see this??
First female 007
acebook
witter
