“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” –
~J.K. Rowling~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
~~
My wife apologised for the first time ever today.
She said she’s sorry she ever married me.
~~
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it at last?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.”
~~
I rang the doctor and said, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?”
He said, “Is this her first child?”
I said, “No, this is her husband.”
~~
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.
But when I got home the tables were turned.
~~
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn’t know I existed.
~~
I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.
It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.
~~
My wife won’t stop complaining about how long she spends breast-pumping for our new son.
She’s really milking it for all it’s worth.
~~
The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”
My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”
I said, “My truck.”
~~
My deaf wife just told me that “We need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
~~
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.
Turns out she felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioning.
~~
My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently.
~~
A cute girl at work said she’d only go on a date with me on a day that doesn’t end in ‘Y’.
I said, “Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow!”
~~
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
~~
My wife didn’t think I’d give our daughter a silly name.
But I called her Bluff.
~~
After trying for a week, my wife just told me that she is pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
~~
I told a girl she looked better without her glasses on.
She said I also look better without her glasses on.
~~
My wife has started eating Kinder Eggs for breakfast.
She’s full of surprises.
~~
I just caught a glimpse of my wife wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing.
Today is laundry day.
~~
I went on a date with a woman whose online profile said she had an “infectious smile”.
She had cold sores.
~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Hey it's Hump day....already.
Gotta make a trip down to Sam's today, and get it out of the way.
I went out to the sod farm and it was pretty much as I expected, wall to wall grass and tall brush. The area where I found all the nice points back in the Spring is a jungle of tall brush and trees that have been growing like crazy all Summer. I could find very little bare ground anywhere.
I ran into the owner while I was driving around. He said that he would be doing some digging there this Winter. I hope he digs more big old deep pits that I can dig around in. I'll have to keep close tabs on it.
At least Missy had a great day running around.
May your Hump day be blessed everybody.
joe
acebook
witter
I wouldn't change it for anything! Did you see my muddy boarder yesterday? He went home this evening and I am already missing him! 
