“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” –
~ Henry van Dyke~
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A man received a text from his neighbor:
“I’m so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been tapping your wife, day and night, when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: “[blip] autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’ not ‘wife’!”
~~
An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his pregnant wife was getting on.
By mistake he was connected to the Lord’s cricket ground.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Fine,” came the answer,
“We’ve got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.”
~~
A man walks into a wedding reception.
He walks up to the bartender and asks “Is this the punch line?”
~~
Women can be so ungrateful sometimes.
I made her breakfast in bed and instead of saying “Thank you”, she was all like…
“How did you get in my house?”
~~
It was my wife’s birthday and she rang me to see what time I would be home.
“I can’t talk,” I said, “I’m driving.”
“Where are you?” she asked.
She wasn’t happy when I said, “The seventh tee.”
~~
I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now…
~~
I was tired and bored one night so I went to the bar to have a few drinks.
The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?”
I said, “Surprise me.”
He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
~~
A young woman is lying on her death bed close to the end. Her husband comes into the room and gently takes hold of her hand to comfort her.
The woman musters up what’s left of her strength and whispers, “Darling, I must come clean with you”.
The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength.
She ignores him and continues anyway telling him that she hasn’t been completely faithful to him and that she’s had multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle.
The man replies, “Shhhhh, don't try and talk dear. Just let the poison do it's work.”
~~
I’m making a graph of my past relationships.
I have an ‘ex’-axis and a ‘why?’-axis.
~~
Two antennas met, fell in love and eventually got married.
The wedding ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was excellent…
~~
A wife says to her husband, “How would you describe me?”
Her husband replies “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
The wife asks “What does that mean?”
The husband says “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
The wife is pleased, “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
The husband says “I’m just kidding!”
~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope your week has started well and is going smoothly.
We had another Indian Summer type day here. It felt really nice being outside. I just wish I could have been out at the sod farm or the creek.
Soon I hope. In the mean time I won't be getting the point, I guess.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Have a Super Tuesday everyone! 
We have been soooooooooo dry, and it's supposed to rain all day 
