“Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder.” –
~ Henry David Thoreau~
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I met a girl at a club the other night who said she’d show me a good time.
When we got outside she ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.
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I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
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I called my wife at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
Sounding concerned, she said, “No.”
I said, “How about now?”
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I came home from work tonight to find a note from my girlfriend which said, "I'm leaving you because you're so stupid and bigoted."
Well I'm not stupid, I'm just dyslexic. And I can't help it if I have big toes.
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As I'm dyslexic, my English teacher in school always used to insult my grammer.
Which wasn't fair, as he's never even met her.
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My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery competition.
He wrote a poem.
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Two doctors working in a small town clinic had to hire a new nurse after the one that previously worked there retired. They interviewed Nurse Nora and she gave a great interview so they decided to hire her.
She'd only been working at the clinic for two days when one doctor called the other into his office and said they'd have get rid of Nurse Nora.
The second doctor asked, "Why, when we only just hired her?"
The first doctor replied, "Well, I think she's dyslexic and does everything backwards. For example, I told her to give Mr. Hamilton two shots of morphine every 24 hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. Then I told her to give Mrs. Smith an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour."
The doctor had barely finished saying this when the second doctor suddenly ran out of the room.
"Where are you going so fast?" the first doctor shouted after him.
"To see Nurse Nora, I just told her to prick Mr. Jones' boil!"
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Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
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A top tip for dyslexics:
Try deliberately spelling words wrongly.
At least that way, you have a chance of spelling them right.
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Wronly?? Really? You should try writing them rightly dude.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic who went to the toga party dressed as a goat?
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If life gives you melons then you're probably dyslexic.
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These two dyslexic skiers are stood at the top of the slope. The first one says "Let's zig zag down the slope."
The second skier says, "No, it's zag zig."
The first skier is sure he's right and the two of them start having a heated debate about it.
Finally, they spot another skier and the first skier says, "I'll tell you what, let's ask this guy."
So he says to him "Excuse me, sir, going down the slope do you zig zag or zag zig?"
The guy replies "Sorry, I've no idea. I'm a tobogganist."
The first skier says, "In that case can I have 20 Marlboro, please?"
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Two dyslexics are working in the kitchen.
The first one asks the second, "Can you smell gas?"
The second one replies, "I can't even spell my own name."
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One advantage of being dyslexic is that it doesn't cost much to get your own personalized registration plate.
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Is it cruel to give dyslexics alphabetti spaghetti?
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I saw my friend stood outside the Doctor's today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, "What's the matter?"
He replied, "I've got the big C."
I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.
"No, dyslexia."
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Did you hear about the dyslexic boy who cried "Fowl"?
Nobody listened and the wolf ate him.
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What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
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How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?
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My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he'd wash my mouth out with soup.
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There's no 'I' in 'team'.
Unless you're dyslexic, of course.
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I just found out I'm dyslexic. FLM.
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What's the best way of punishing dyslexic criminals?
Give them a long sentence.
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Dyslexic people don't know their bowels from their elbows.
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I rang up my doctor's today and said, "I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor about my dyslexia."
"Of course," said the receptionist. "What's your name, please?"
I said, "Mr. Kzlaczycki."
She said, "Can you spell that for me, please?"
I said, "No."
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Good morning everyboomie.
Another day.......a nuther season.
We were back up to 90 degrees today.
Wednesday we're are supposed to be at 70.
Seem my mood always goes up and down with the weather.
We have Beau here again, so the next couple of days will be double the fun.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
A Happy Day wished for everyone! 
Our lovely Grandson surprised us with an oil on canvas painting of her which is beautiful and so like her.
Mary. 
