“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” –
~Ancient Chinese Proverb~
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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog doesn’t bite.”
The man then tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
“Ouch,” says the man, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That’s not my dog!”
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day.
From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, “Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I’ve never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.
As he’s about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm… That was some good lion meat!”
The lion screeches to a halt and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can” and then runs away.
Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.
So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened. The lion says to the monkey angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together”.
So the monkey climbs on the lion’s back and they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.
But then he gets another idea and shouts, “Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
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A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”
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How do electric eels taste?
Shocking.
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Why are leopards no good at playing hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted.
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Why do crabs never share?
Because they’re shellfish.
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An inflatable jockey was riding an inflatable horse for an inflatable trainer and an inflatable owner. It was his first time over the jumps.
After the last fence he was leading easily but he pulled up way too early allowing two other horses to pass him.
After the race the jockey was so mad with what he'd done, that he stuck a pin in the horse, then he stuck a pin in the trainer and then the owner.
Because of this he was called in front of the Stewards.
When he was facing them, he stuck a pin in himself.
The Stewards said to him, "You're a disgrace. Not only did you let the horse, the trainer and the owner down, you have let yourself down too."
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What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
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A horse limps into a bar one day. He's got a bandage around his head and looks really ill.
He orders a glass of the most expensive champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.
When the bartender serves them to him, he quickly downs them all.
Then he says, "You know, I shouldn't really be drinking this with what I've got..."
The bartender asks, "Why, what have you got?"
The horse replies, "About 2 dollars and a carrot."
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A horse walks into a bar one day.
The bartender says, "Hey."
The horse says, "You read my mind!"
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Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
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What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
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A guy goes to the movies one night.
He's enjoying the film when he notices a horse sitting next to him.
Somewhat surprised to say the least, he asks, "Are you a horse?"
The horse replies, "Yes."
The guy says, "What are you doing at the movies?"
The horse says, "Well, I liked the book."
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Did you hear about the depressed horse?
He told a tale of whoa.
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Great morning everyboomie.
If we have an more days like today was, I may have to sleep outside under the stars.
Cool mornings and mid 70s for the afternoon. I couldn't ask for better.
I hope your days are being pretty much the same.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Happy Friday everyone! 
