A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.
~ Lucille Ball!~
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Mo Redneck JokesWhat are the only two seasons a Redneck can name?
Football and construction.
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Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
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How do you castrate a Redneck?
Kick his sister in the mouth.
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There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence?
He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"
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How do you end a party in a trailer park?
Flush the punch bowl.
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A redneck husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife "mother of six” rather than by her first name.The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," the redneck would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
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How did the Redneck die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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A woman walked up to a little old redneck rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
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What does a Redneck do when the dishwasher stops working?
He slaps her on the ass and tells her to get back to work.
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A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
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A redneck walks into a bar with a wet, steaming pile of dog dirt in his hands.
He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, "Look what I almost stepped in!"
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Bubba the redneck decided to save up and get a hang-glider.
He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge-- into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
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What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia, it's a misdemeanor.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well we've broke the ice on this week. The rest is a piece of cake.
Our weather is degenerating back to 80 and 90% rain for the next two days, so I'll be sticking close to the house I recon.
I hope everyone has a great Tuesday.
joe
acebook
witter
Wishing everyone a great Tuesday! 
