The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

~ Art Linkletter ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Brian walked into work and saw his coworker looking particularly sour. “Hey what’s wrong buddy?” His friend looked up with a forlorn expression on his face. “You remember last month how my Grandmother’s sister passed on and left me $2,000?” “Yes,” said Brian nodding his head.

“And you remember how the month before that her brother passed on and left me $5000? “Uh huh” said Brian again.

“Well this month is almost over,” said the coworker with a wave of his hand “and………………..NOTHING!”
~~~~

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie! I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!”
“Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.” Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. “Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied. What was your previous job? I asked incredulously.

“I worked at a morg.” Was the reply.
~~~~

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”
~~~~

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of.

The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”

Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am.

Do you happen to have his new number.” “Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number.

I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording. “Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”
~~~~

There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, “Dad, what’s going to happen to us when you die?”

My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. “We’ll go in the limousine dummy.
~~~~

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff. “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’ “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”
~~~~

Suzie was all alone. It was two months since her dear Herbie had passed, and she just couldn’t seem to move on. “Listen here Suzie”, said her good friend Barbara, “maybe you should go see a psychic? One of my friends did it after her husband died and it made her feel so much better knowing that her dearest was happy.”

So that’s how, on the next Tuesday, Suzie found herself in a dim room with a crystal ball and a psychic talking in a calm voice. “Is he here?” Suzie asked. “Yes, I sense him,” was her reply. “Can you ask him if he’s happy?”

Suzie hesistanly asked. “He’s putting his hand to his mouth like he wants to smoke” said the psychic. “Oh, of course” said Suzie, “he needs a cigar. Herbie can never last more then a few hours without a cigar. I guess they don’t have cigars up there. Did he say where he is or how I could get one to him?” Questioned Suzie urgently. “Hmm”, said the psychic. “I can’t seem to get that question across to him. But then again,” said the psychic after a brief pause, “he didn’t say anything about needing a lighter!”
~~~~

Bobby was sitting on the porch talking to his Grandpa when he innocently asked, “Grandpa, do you know how to make animal sounds?” “I sure do” Grandpa replied. “What sort of animal sound would you like to hear?”

“How about a toad? Do you know how to sound like a toad?” “Sure”, said Grandpa, cupping his hand to his mouth, “croaaak croaaak, how did you like that?!”

“Yipee!” screamed Bobby jumping up and down, “We are going to Miami!” “Huh?” Questioned Grandpa. “Why’s that?”

“Because Grandma said so,” Bobby patiently explained, “she said that after you croak we’ll all go to Miami!”
~~~~

So, I’m sure you all heard of John Hoki, the inventor of the Hoki Poki. While John’s life is well known, what’s not so well know, is a story that happened at his funeral in the late 1940’s. Being that John was quite a popular fella, mostly due to the Hoki Poki, which spread like wildfire through his small Middle Eastern town, thousands showed up for his funeral, all coming to bid him farewell.

Well, it happened right before the ceremony was about to begin, when the undertaker gently lifted John up to place him in the coffin. The problem that arose was that as soon as they put his right foot in…….(I’m sure you can figure out the rest.)
~~~~

Adam woke up suddenly, sweating all over. “What’s the problem”, asked his wife. “Are you OK?” “I just dreamed that I died!” responded a shaken Adam. “And it was so bad up there, and that’s why you’re sweating all over?” asked his wife. “You bet!” exclaimed Adam. “I got up there, and was right in front of G-d himself, when he suddenly sneezed…..and I didn’t know what to say to him!”
~~~~

Hey good morning everyboomie.


How is everybody a doin?


We had some really nice weather here today. Nothing but sunshine and 60 degrees.


After I took Missy to the park I decided to go to the creek. It's been probably a year and a half and a whole lot of water under that bridge, and I had high expectations.


After an arduous 2 or 3 hours of trekking through the brush I came back with one point.........or rather one half a point.


That heart breaker is the only thing I found, but better than coming back empty handed.


I hope you all enjoy your Sunday, and next week.


joe

Joe, glad you got out to the creek even if it wasn't super successful. It's good to get in nature and enjoy! Thanks so much for starting another week for us!

It's cold and damp and more snow on the way. I need a slug day but none on the horizon.

Have a happy day all!

watching hockey.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, family and everyone. It feels good to be back and have you open the dinner Joe. Glad you got to go to the creek and like Ana said it is so nice to get out there and enjoy he out doors. Ana hope you get a break in the weather soon! Family enjoy the game. Coffee and tea are ready.

Wishing all my GB friends a great Sunday!

Good morning, breakfast out. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, French Toast, and Biscuits in the NC.

Good morning Joe ... it's insightful how old quotes are still applicable to this day. We had a pleasant day too ... didn't have to turn on the A/C! Glad you didn't come back empty handed.

Ana, you want me to talk to your boss to get you a "slug day?" I can do that... I don't mind asking for ya!

Family, hope you get to watch some good games

Gerry, I am ready for some coffee!! It is so good to see you back too

Good morning Connie, be safe whilst you're out n' about! I'll have grits and bacon in the NC with Gerry's coffee

I think 75% of today is a lay low day for me ...

Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday

Have a great day Boomers.

Hey everybody.

Happy Sunday to one and all.

Today is overcast and a little windy, but still in the 60s temperature-wise.

I took Missy out for a walk, but other than that I'm just laying low and enjoying some XFL football. This new league is very interesting, but hey it's pro football.

It'll be interesting too to see how long it last. There are lots of fans in the stands anyway.

Enjoy your day everbody.

joe

We've had a lovely Sunday! Heading up now to cook dinner. Silly people around here keep wanting to eat

watchingg court showws.

Hope everyone had a super Sunday

Good morning, enjoy your Monday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Moanday Monday everyone

I survived a normal day at work but the next three days are going to be long

Sleep well everyone

watching court shows.

Good morning, Oncologist appointment this morning. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Good tuesday morning everyone. Double header today--Doctor and Dentist

Tootin Toosday everybody

Family ... hope your shows were enjoyable.

Good evening Connie ... hope your appointment with oncology was positive

Hey Ho manXman ... that kind of double header is impressive ... hope you knocked it out of the park

Time for dinner in a bit then I'm off to bed

watching more court shows.

Good morning, karaoke at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning everyboomie.

It's a very soggy day here. We had a lot of rain yesterday. I had to get out and go to an appointment, and then to Walmart even though I really didn't want to.

Then it rained all night, and it's very cold and raining right now, and my yard is waterlogged and we are quickly coming down with cabin fever.

I can barely get Missy to go out and potty.

So, not many plans layed out for this day, although I may go back to Walmart. I need to return some wireless headphones I bought yesterday. The ones I have are not working right, and I don't like the ones I got yesterday. I don't like earbuds because I have chronic earaches in my right ear, so I only use over the ear headphones. Those also help keep my big ears warm when we go to the park and walk in the cold wind.

I hope everybody has a fantastic Wednesday.

joe

Howdy everyone! It's been a busy week but the rest is easy peasy! It's snowing pretty good here and by Friday morning it will be -6F. Spring is around the corner, right?
I have a sweet little Cavachon boarder here. She's such a cutie.

I'm a bit behind so I'll be back after I can get myself caught up!

Have a happy day all!

Enjoy Family

Oh yes, grits-bacon and toast Connie ... have fun at Eagles tonight

Hey Ho Joe ... would a very large umbrella work to take Missy out?

Get caught up and then take the rest of the night off Ana ... that's what I'm gonna do

Have a great evening everyone

watching court shows.

Good Morning everyone on this rainy Thursday. I'm feeling ever much better. Coffee and tea are ready.


Wishing everyone a Happy Day!

Good morning, lunch and Netflix with a friend today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning all All quiet in the neighbourhood Soot, regular checkups so all is good.

watching court shows.

Hello Boomers, hope you are well and having a fabulous Friday!

Appt with bowel surgeon went well yesterday, scope results good, no sign of cancer in polyp so nothing need be done for the moment. He will keep an eye on things so another appt in six months time. I'm so relieved!

Weather here is miserable, still very windy and wet. We didn't get the forecast snow which is something.

Enjoy whatever the day brings guys!

Much love,

Mary

Good morning, enjoy your TGIF. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Mary, I am so happy to hear that! I hope you are feeling better too!

Connie, I hope your oncologist appt went well!

It's -7f here this morning. The pups will love that today.

It was 38 here this morning

Gerry, the coffee was most excellent

Connie ... TGIF, bacon sandwich to go please

Mary ... great news ... have a wonderful evening

The week is done and I had fun

L4L

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Hi Everyone,

My first winter being retired; while I'm grateful I don't have to push myself to head off to work everyday; instead I'm dealing with a case of winter blues like I've never before experienced. Pushing myself to gather material to get income taxes done, and move forward to get other tasks done that I've put off for a while. Also relazing with Netflix and playing too many games.

Have a good week. Stay warm and healthy!

Annette

watching soccer.

Good Morning Mary Connie, Ana, soot, Butterflybabe, and Family. Mary so happy to hear your test went well. Connie hope all is well with you. Ana stay warm! Soot your coffee is ready. Butterflybabe it can be challenging to be motivative after you retire. Cold wintry weather and shorter days are depressing. It will help with the blues if you make a daily schedule of tasks to accomplish each day and stick to it if you can. Then you will have "free time" to do those relaxing things you enjoy like gaming and Netflix. Family enjoy your soccer watch.

Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing all GBs a Great Weekend!

Good morning, Oncologist visit went well. A Costco trip is in the cards today. Sweetheart dinner at the Eagles tonight, followed by Trivia. I will be helping in the kitchen, then playing Trivia. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning everyboomie and welcome to the weekend!

It doesn't really seem like Saturday to me though. Probably because of all the gloom and doom weather we've been having.

Annette I can identify with that Winter blues scenario. We had nearly a week's worth of rain. The rain doesn't bother me that much, but it was really cold.

I don't know how Ana handles the -6 degrees. I can't handle 35 degrees.

We finally achieved sunshine on Thursday, and Friday although it was still cold. The sunshine sure put m e in a better mood.

I was feeling a bit depressed myself.

It's better now, but I still don't want to get out. It's cold and windy this morning, but we are supposed to get up to 59 today, 61 tomorrow, and over 70 by Monday.

That's good. I have to get back into workout mode, and I have tons of chores waiting for me.

Have a great weekend everyone.


joe

Great news Connie, have fun at Costco, enjoy dinner and the Trivia match ... I'm ready for some grits, bacon and toast in the NC.

Hey Ho Gerry ... Coffee!!!!

Hope you get some good games Family

Hi Annette ... I think Gerry is spot on with developing a schedule as it puts you on a daily routine like you had when working ... also think some sort of replacement social network might help ... volunteer work might help too ... keep smiling

Happy Saturday everyone

Thanks everyone or your understanding, suggestions and support. I have developed schedule of sorts; running errands, doc appts and treating myself to lunch; now working to find better reasons to get out. What I've realized that's kind of weird and interesting is the change in the winter weather. When I was younger it was typical for bad weather (snow, ice, deep cold) to make life challenging from Nov to April. So far this is the mildest winter in a while. The days around Valentine's thru mid-marth are usually horrible. Granted we've not gotten that far yet but still the fact that it gets warm enough to start melting snow and ice before the next batch falls is so strange. I hate the cold but at least it gets rid of the worst of the cold/flue germs.
I think once I'm able to get some long awaited improvements done to my home, I'll feel better.