Cherish all your happy moments, they make fine cushion for old age.
~~~~
“Just relax”, the hospital staff kept telling Jim, but it was to no avail. Jim’s wife was in labor and Jim was a nervous wreck. After what seemed like a week, to both Jim and the hospital staff, a nurse came out with the happy news, “it’s a girl”, she cried.
“Thank God, a girl”, said Jim, “at least she won’t have to go through what I just went through!”
~~~~
Mother – I need to speak to the doctor, it’s an emergency, my infant has a temperature of 101.
Doctor to Secretary – Find out how she’s taking the temperature.
Secretary – How are you taking it?
Mother – Oh, I’m holding up OK.
~~~~
I was very scared about going to the eye doctor to get a certain procedure done on my eyes.
The doctor tried to put me at ease but to no avail. It was after he finished with my first eye that I nearly jumped out of the chair.
“There there”, he said “only one eye left!
~~~~
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”
~~~~
A man wasn’t feeling well so he went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor took his wife aside, and said, “your husband has a very sensitive heart. I am afraid he’s not going to make it, unless you treat him with kid gloves, which means you are at his every beck and call, 24 hours a day and that he doesn’t have to do anything himself.
On the way home the husband asked with a note of concern “what did he say?”
“Well”, the lady responded, “he said it looks like you probably won’t make it.
~~~~
Before going in for surgery I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful.
After the surgery I found another note on myself .”Anyone know where my cell phone is????????”
~~~~
A lady went to a doctor’s office where she was seen by a Doctor.
A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life.
After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story.
The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed, “shame on you, poor Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant??”
The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said, “does she still have the hiccups?”
~~~~
Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem. I can never remember what I just said.
Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?
Patient: What problem Doctor?
~~~~
A colleague and I were fitting clothes for a fashion show benefit.
All the models were residents of our small town, including the local doctor.
He tried on one outfit and then asked, “what should I do next?”
Gleefully seizing the opportunity my friend replied, “go to the dressing room remove your clothes put on a paper robe and wait.”
~~~~
Jim the town drunkard was at his wit’s end, he had no money to buy even the barest necessities for his family.
It was right before going to sleep one night that Jim prayed the following emotional prayer:
“Dear Lord, please, all I’m asking for is some food to put on the table, NOTHING else!
The booze I’ll buy myself.”
~~~~
A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, “Sir can I have five beers please.”
~~~~
John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other.
One night, during his night patrol, he spotted the town drunk walking down the street looking like he was up to no good.
“Hey!” Said John, rolling down his window. “Your not heading for any trouble, are you?”
“No sir!” Responded the drunkard with a big smile, “I’m heading to a lecture!”
A lecture?! thought the cop incredulously at 1 am!? this I gotta see!
After following him for a few blocks John was surprised to see him going into his house. “Hey!” John screamed out his window. “I thought you were heading to a lecture?!”
The drunkard just held his index finger and headed inside.
Sure enough within a minute John heard the lecture loud and clear through the upstairs window, “JUST WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT YOU LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BUM? I OUGHT TO LEAVE YOU FLAT…”
~~~~
Good evening everyboomie.
Here's a fresh hot new diner for you straight out of the oven .
As of today you have just 1 month left to get those income tax forms filed......unless you file for an extension.
I have no intention to file an extension.
Or to file a return for that matter.
We've had rain for two solid days, Fri. and Sat. None today, but we have 70 to 100% rain chances for tonight through Thursday.
![[Linked Image]](https://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/verschiedene/k014.gif)
Looks like I won't be mowing the yard this week.......
![[Linked Image]](https://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/traurig/d045.gif)
I may be able to go fishing though......from my front porch.
![[Linked Image]](https://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/figuren/p040.gif)
Have a rocking new week everyone.
![[Linked Image]](https://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/musik/d065.gif)
joe
acebook
witter
And also to all the gameboomers 
