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Joe's Diner March 22nd #1213037
03/22/20 06:33 PM
03/22/20 06:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them”

– Abraham Lincoln ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jim the town drunkard was at his wit’s end, he had no money to buy even the barest necessities for his family. It was right before going to sleep one night that Jim prayed the following emotional prayer: “Dear Lord, please, all I’m asking for is some food to put on the table, NOTHING else!

The booze I’ll buy myself.”
~~~~

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, “Sir can I have five beers please.”
~~~

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”

“That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.”

“WELL!” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”
~~~

“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years.

“Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy.

“Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded.

After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer.

Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?”

“Well, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now that I just can’t remember his name, and I am too embarrassed to ask him!”
~~~

“C’mon Ma you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother.

I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought.

“Ok” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?”

“Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. “OK here it is! Now type in ANY question you want into the bar at the top and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her.

My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type, How is Gertrude doing this morning?
~~~

“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen!

You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable. Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day.

Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma!” It just gets me all teary eyed.”

After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much.

“You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise!

Tell me..what do you think about my Grandson!”
~~~

One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school.

“You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” Rob exclaimed.

“I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied John.

“That’s incredible” exclaimed Rob, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?”

“Did I say he was dead?” asked John. “He’s 81 and is more active then ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded John.

“Whoa! Well how old was your Grandfather when he died?”

“Did I say he died” asked John. Rob was amazed. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!”

“Getting married?!” Rob asked. If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?!

John looked at Rob and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”
~~~

So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.

A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?”

She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”

His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”

She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”

“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie… Five minutes later, half the PD pulls up.

The Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. “Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.

“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.

He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles. “Can I see the registration to this car?”

She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.

“Ma’am, stand back!” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty.

"Ma'am, my officer told me you said that you killed the owner of this car and had the body in the trunk?"

The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”
~~~

After much nagging from his wife, Sam was visiting the audiologist.

Yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000, was what he was told.

“I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said.

The nurse placed the hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck.

“Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam.

“Why of course!” replied the nurse. “You think these things in your ears do anything?! It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!”
~~~

The neighbors thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again.

One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night. It was during breakfast, that Morton finally remembered what it was. He had proposed to his date Greta. But what she answered he just couldn’t seem to remember.

Morton picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi Greta”, said Morton, “I have a funny question for you, do you remember last night when I proposed?”

“Oh my gosh” gushed Greta, “I’m so glad you called, I knew I said yes to somebody but I just couldn’t recall who it was!”
~~~

At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym. After consulting with one of the trainers, Harry decided to try out a steep treadmill.

“Ok”, said the trainer “I’m going to set it for ten minutes, if you want to go longer just press start again.”

At first Harry was doing fine but after 5 seconds he started getting tired, and after a minute he jumped off gasping for breath.

Walking to the side to sit down, he passed by a friend of his. “Man”, said Harry. “I could barely last a full minute on that treadmill.”

“Alright alright Harry”, said his buddy, “you don't have to brag!”
~~~

Thinking that the presidential candidate needed to show a more human side of himself, his committee advised him to visit an old age home.

Walking into the room of an old man, with the cameras whirring, the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table.

“Thank you”, said the nominee after being offered more for the 3rd time, “why don’t you have some yourself?”

“Oh, I can’t eat ithem” said the old man, “I don’t have any teeth.”

“So why do you have them?” asked the confused nominee.

“I just like to suck the chocolate from around them” was the glib reply.
~~~


Good evening everyboomie. wave2


I'm not really sure what day this is, but I'm sure of one thing, I don't really care either. wink


I got some new pills from my psychiatrist, and everything is A-ok hunky dory. thumbsup


I don't even care that the government has tapped my phone, and bugged my house. razz


The government has been bugging me for years anyway, along with most employers I've worked for.............and my sister. taz


My regular doctor gave me a pill to use to boost my stamina for exercise, but when I took it, it lasted for over 4 hours, and was rather embarrassing when I went out jogging. blush


It gave me a stroke.........or two. wink


I feel great now though, exhausted but great. woot


Have a happy week everyone. dance


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/22/20 06:35 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213053
03/22/20 07:58 PM
03/22/20 07:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213054
03/22/20 08:12 PM
03/22/20 08:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
The speeding joke was my favorite Joe. thumbsup thanks


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213058
03/22/20 10:06 PM
03/22/20 10:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! You are killing me, you know! Have a great day and I hope you stay safe and healthy!

Have a great day all! I'll be working and staying quite busy! I have a lot more clients now!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213071
03/23/20 03:20 AM
03/23/20 03:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family SpaceQ, Ana and everyone. Joe thanks for opening the diner this morning. Family enjoy your shows. SpaceQ what are you doing today? Ana stay safe. We are having messy weather today, but will walk any way.

wave Wishing you all here at GB a safe and happy day! wave


Gerry
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213080
03/23/20 07:22 AM
03/23/20 07:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
God morning, stay safe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. Virtual Hugs to all. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213086
03/23/20 09:18 AM
03/23/20 09:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning everyone. Woke up today to a blanket of snow. It will probably melt away in a couple of days. penguin Keep safe everyone. smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213095
03/23/20 11:55 AM
03/23/20 11:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good morning one and all laugh

Joe, the days are starting to blur for me too now that I'm teleworking ... we are expecting 90 degree weather this week eek

Hi Gerry ... I'll have a tall, dark Sumatra roast please ... enjoy your walk ... I'll be doing the same this afternoon with Lil Soot

Connie ... eggs, bacon and grits in NC sound marvelous!

manXman ... good morning ... snow? Stay warm!
L4L hearts
Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave2

lab


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213107
03/23/20 12:52 PM
03/23/20 12:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,847
Mt Prospect, Illinois
butterflybabe Offline
Addicted Boomer
butterflybabe  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,847
Mt Prospect, Illinois
Silver lining. Came out of my garage about 7:30 am to walk my dog, and was awed by what i saw. Sidewalks clear and safe. Sky white and cloudy. Treetops absolutely stunningly covered with snow. Of course, snow already dropping as temps are expected at 40 or so today. Looked like the best of winter above the easy of oncoming spring by the ground. Crazy and gorgeous.

Went chiropractor's office. Rarely more than a few people there at one time and docs constantly wiping surfaces. Stopped at post office and found some of the stuff I purchased. Everything coming in bits at a time.

Rest of day will be gaming and clearing out email.

puppy wave


Life's a puzzle; one piece at a time.
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213172
03/23/20 09:58 PM
03/23/20 09:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213188
03/24/20 07:06 AM
03/24/20 07:06 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning, be safe. It's going to be in the mid 90's later this week. Way too Hot for March, not doing much outside right now. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213239
03/24/20 08:24 PM
03/24/20 08:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213246
03/24/20 10:54 PM
03/24/20 10:54 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Well the snow melted today and it's all gone. One hour daily walk today. Everyone distances themselves and are very polite and pleasant. In the one hour of our walk we only see about 5 or so people.
Hope everyone is having a good day. And stay safe all. wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213262
03/25/20 06:45 AM
03/25/20 06:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning, stay safe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast i the NC. lab kitty


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213270
03/25/20 08:46 AM
03/25/20 08:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday Ya'll puppy

I seem to have caught something. I'm sure it's not The Virus, just the crud. Spent yesterday in bed and will most likely head back there in a few minutes.

Soot says "hi". He is trying to work amidst the real life intrusions that is our household these days.

Hope you all stay well wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213286
03/25/20 12:07 PM
03/25/20 12:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Hugs L4L, I hope you are feeling better soonest. flowers


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213332
03/25/20 08:37 PM
03/25/20 08:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213341
03/25/20 10:17 PM
03/25/20 10:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Slow day the next two days. That's ok because they are rainy ones. My least favorite walking weather.

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213342
03/25/20 10:20 PM
03/25/20 10:20 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good night all ... See you tomorrow

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213361
03/26/20 06:48 AM
03/26/20 06:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning , be safe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. wavegirl


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213372
03/26/20 09:05 AM
03/26/20 09:05 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good morning Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman Mary ButterFB and anyone else who pops in to say hi laugh

L4L hearts

happydance Connie ... grits, eggs and bacon in the NC

Have a wonderful day everyone

lab


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: soot] #1213416
03/26/20 06:02 PM
03/26/20 06:02 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good evening everyone. wave Hope everyone is keeping safe. smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213427
03/26/20 09:40 PM
03/26/20 09:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1213458
03/27/20 07:23 AM
03/27/20 07:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning, be safe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner March 22nd [Re: family] #1213465
03/27/20 09:37 AM
03/27/20 09:37 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everyboomie. wave2

We've had a week of warm windy days down here in Ok. We've been in the mid 80s. It feels good because of the wind. bravo

I had Beau here for 3 days. The dogs really enjoyed our walks very much. puppy

I'm trying to get my yard back up to a respectable appearance for the Summer. I put down fresh mulch. I also put out new accent lights in the garden beds.

I've been working on cutting down a evergreen tree I had in the corner of the back yard that the bag worms killed last year. It's okay though because I don't like those trees anyway. I had to get most of the limbs cut off, and then cut off the top half, and then dig up the roots at the base of the trunk and cut those. Day before yesterday when the wind was not blowing I piled everything up and burned it. Now I just have to get rid of whats left of the lower trunk. yay

I had other projects I was thinking about doing, but now I'm not sure I want to spend the money. The last few weeks have devastated some of my savings that are in stocks. I'm just praying they come back. yes

Otherwise it's been a very busy week of trying to avoid things like house cleaning duties.

I've made a few trips to Walmart trying to stock up on the things I couldn't find the last time that I went. They're really out of a lot of the staples, unless you get lucky and hit them at just the right time, and then it's trying to get in and out quickly as you can. yes

The Corona virus has finally come to Bryan county Oklahoma. blush

I hope everyone is staying safe out there.

Have a super day Ana, Family, Space Quest Fan, Gerry, Connie, L4L, Soot, ManXman, Mary, ButterFB and everyone. wave


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/27/20 09:42 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
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