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Joe's Monday April 20 #1215400
04/20/20 09:48 AM
04/20/20 09:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. – Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace.

~~~~

Becky was 73 and just got her first computer. After her son spent over 2 hours teaching her how to use it, she was sure she knew everything there was to know about computers.

Unfortunately though, one day she couldn’t get it to start so she promptly called an IT guy to come over and take a look at it. The IT guy managed to fix the issue in a few minutes and was on his way. Becky was proud when she overheard the IT guy on the phone with his boss telling him about the issue, she was sure it meant it was a serious issue and she was sure she took care of it the right way.

“Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking,” asked Becky to the man on his way out. “I couldn’t help overhearing you on the phone with your boss. What exactly is an Id ten T problem? Just so I can tell my son.”

The man smiled, took out a pen, “it stands for this: I-D -1-0-T”.
~~~~

Bob Smith was sick of his job and was determined to find work elsewhere. But no matter how hard he tried, his reputation as someone who was not dedicated to the job, seemed to follow him around.

One day the phone rang at his office. Although Bob did not usually pick up the phone, he picked it up and said hello. “Hi” said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you, I’m looking into a fellow Bob Smith for a position in my company. Do you know this fellow?”

“Sure I know him”, responded Bob with a smile.

“Tell me,” asked the man. “Is he consistent with his work? Does he always show up on time?”

“Well I’ll be honest with you” Bob truthfully replied, “I’m not so consistent myself, but whenever I’m here he’s here!”
~~~~

Harry was working at a construction site when he came across a bottle. He popped it open and out came a Genie. “I gotta warn you,” said the Genie “I’m not that powerful but I’ll try my best.”

“Well” said Harry, “I’m trying desperately to start a new business and I have a very important meeting tonight with a potential investor…” “I’ll tell you what,” said the Genie, “and this is the best I can do. I’ll give you a one time good luck charm. To start it say, 123. When you’re done, say 1234.”

And with that the Genie was gone in a puff of smoke. Harry couldn’t believe his good luck. As he nervously tied his tie in front of the mirror, he kept on repeating over in his head 123, 123, 123.

Harry nervously knocked on the rich man’s office. “Come in,” said the man in a deep imposing voice. OK, here goes thought Harry to himself as he sat down across from the man. Before he started he muttered to himself “123”, suddenly he knew everything would be OK.

He opened up his mouth to start speaking but before he could say anything the man behind the desk pleasantly asked, “What did you say 123, for?”
~~~~

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie!

I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!” “Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.”

Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.

“Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied.

What was your previous job? I asked incredulously.

“I ran a mortuary.” Was the reply.
~~~~

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do.

It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of. The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day.

After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”

Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”

“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number.


I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording.

“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”
~~~~

A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body.

When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand.

“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”

There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door. “Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”

To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty.

“But how could you say that he is guilty? Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer.

“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.”

“Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer.

“Your client.” Came the reply.
~~~~

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will.

The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and then three minutes later the man walks out in a huff.

“Wait, can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man.

“HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me: ‘Sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’

“I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake. There's no way in hell I'm leaving everything to that crook!”
~~~~

The boss called Joe into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Joe,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?”

“Vrooom! Vrooooom!” replied Joe.
~~~~

For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me. And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes!
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I am not procrastinating any more! shame


I thought it's about time for a new diner thread, and what better time than right now?? yes


That was Saturday night. dance


As the old saying goes, 'better late than never', and I'm am very fond of old sayings, because I'm a very old person. [Linked Image]


I'm still working on the old deck, and nursing the old knees and legs and back. shocked


I hope to finish it.......sometime. duh


Have a safe & happy week everyone. urock


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/20/20 09:49 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215406
04/20/20 10:04 AM
04/20/20 10:04 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215410
04/20/20 10:11 AM
04/20/20 10:11 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
manxman Offline
True Blue Boomer
manxman  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
Good Monday morning everyone. Stay safe and keep healthy. smile
Good luck with the deck joe thumbsup


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215466
04/20/20 04:59 PM
04/20/20 04:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
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Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I can't tell you how many days pass on things I am going to sit down and do right now. lol I'm thankful for you to post whenever you get around it! hearts

family, enjoy!

manxman, same to you!

It was a great today! I got to take my favorite little 5 pound maltese client for a couple hours of a hike and playtime. I've missed her so much!

Happy Monday!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215475
04/20/20 06:53 PM
04/20/20 06:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
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soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Good Monday to you Joe Family manXman and Ana laugh

Joe, Better Late Than Never is my motto ... usually as I forgot or got side tracked lol

Hope you enjoyed your shows Family

Good to see you manXman yes

Ana, that's cool you were able to get back with your little client thumbsup

Have a great evening everyone

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave2


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215490
04/20/20 08:13 PM
04/20/20 08:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215506
04/21/20 06:52 AM
04/21/20 06:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning, be safe. Danish, Donuts, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215516
04/21/20 09:29 AM
04/21/20 09:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
manxman Offline
True Blue Boomer
manxman  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
Good morning boomers wave Hope you all have a Terrific Tuesday and stay safe and be healthy catrub


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215536
04/21/20 03:57 PM
04/21/20 03:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
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Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's a truly gorgeous day in AL. I got out to the park for a walk. Then home to do some cooking. Currently waiting for the yogurt to cool enough to finish off and cover. Hubby is out buying groceries, so I'll be putting those away in a bit. Very much looking forward to bed time.

Hope you all are having a wonderful day wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215548
04/21/20 07:57 PM
04/21/20 07:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
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soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Hey Ho every one and Tootin Toosday to each and every one of you laugh

Lots of work done today, work at home, groceries, gutters ... whoa!!

Stay safe everyone wave

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215552
04/21/20 08:07 PM
04/21/20 08:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215581
04/22/20 07:12 AM
04/22/20 07:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning, be safe everyone. Danish, Donuts, Eggs, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215586
04/22/20 08:03 AM
04/22/20 08:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
manxman Offline
True Blue Boomer
manxman  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 24,547
Unionville
And a wonderful Wednesday to all today. Stay safe everyone and keep healthy. catrub
It's a cold and blustery day today. penguin


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215596
04/22/20 09:03 AM
04/22/20 09:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
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soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Good morning Connie Family and manXman laugh

Family, enjoy your shows

manXman, stay warm and out of the cold and blustery day eek

woot Connie ... I'll start with a Danish and a cup of Gerry's coffee and then have eggs, bacon and toast in the NC thanks

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave2

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: soot] #1215600
04/22/20 09:29 AM
04/22/20 09:29 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everyboomie and welcome to Hump Day!! yay

I'm sitting here watching Bar Rescue, and having my last cup. [Linked Image]

Manxman we have warm temps now but expecting more rain today, so it's 64 degrees and very overcast. [Linked Image]

Not sure I'll be able to do anything today that I want to do, which is to stain the rails on the deck, which is all there is left to do. yes

We're gonna be sunny again tomorrow and like 80 degrees. wink

Connie thanks again for breakfast. kissy

Have a great day Ana, Family, L4L, Soot, SpaceQuestFan, Gerry, Connie, ManXman, ButterFlyBabe, Mary, Trail_Mystic , MaG, and all. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215637
04/22/20 07:32 PM
04/22/20 07:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
It's a rainy, gloomy afternoon and my walks were in drizzle. Hard to stay upbeat when it's gloomy.

Joe, blow some of that warmth my way please!

soot, hope your week is going smoothly!

manxman, we are finally warming up again (50's) but rainy. We've had some crazy windy days though! Are you still at stay-at-home orders too?

connie, hope all is well by you! Thanks for breakfast!

family, enjoy your shows!

L4L, hope your day was great!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215648
04/22/20 08:41 PM
04/22/20 08:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215659
04/23/20 06:20 AM
04/23/20 06:20 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
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connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, stay safe. Ana, we are taking this time to start painting inside. It has been way to many years, we need a change. Danish, Donuts, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215661
04/23/20 08:03 AM
04/23/20 08:03 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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BrownEyedTigre  Offline
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In the Naughty Corner
connie, I started redoing my guest bath. It took three coats of primer to cover the high gloss dark color that it was. It's finally ready to paint! Hope your project goes well!

family, enjoy!

Another rainy day here. Trying to get my "anytime" walks done early so we can beat it.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215665
04/23/20 08:34 AM
04/23/20 08:34 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
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soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Good morning everyone laugh

Family, enjoy your shows

Oh my Connie ... that's a major project ... good luck ... I'll have grits, two eggs, bacon, and cinnamon toast in the NC please

Wow, you're painting too Ana ... so it was a high gloss dark ... what's the new color going to be think

Rain and more rain here today too ... scattered thunderstorms this morning ... first wave of storms just rolled through ... next wave this afternoon and some could be severe ... we have a river flood warning in effect until tonight ... Lots Of Rain!! eek

L4L hearts

Take care Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave2

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: soot] #1215674
04/23/20 09:59 AM
04/23/20 09:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning Boomies. wave2

Is everyone ready for a great day? rah rah rah

I'm ready to finish staining my rails on the deck. Yesterday we did not get as much rain as expected during the day, so I managed to stain over half of the deck rails. bravo

Sunny and 80 degrees today so I know I'll finish it. thumbsup

I am amazed that I never feel as dirty as when I clean something. Yesterday at about 5:00 I washed my truck which was very dirty and when I was finished I think all of that dirt was on my. shocked

It's all good though because I have this thing called a shower, and I cleaning up very well. I even smell as fresh as a Lilley afterward. snicker

After my truck was cleaned, and I was cleaned, I got a text that said "TORNADO WARNING TAKE COVER NOW". We had very severe storms, rain and hail and very high wind here. There was a tornado 20 miles from here and several people lost their lives. sad

I don't think a tornado came any closer to me.

I've finished my second cup-O-joe. That's my que to get it in gear.

Connie thank you for the great food.

Ana have fun painting. hearts

Soot did you finish the gutter? I'm happy that mine don't collect any debris. No trees. yes

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/23/20 09:59 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215680
04/23/20 01:04 PM
04/23/20 01:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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Sonic Boomer

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Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I saw that OK had tennis ball sized hail but didn't hear of the tornadoes. I'm so glad you are ok! That was too close for comfort!

soot, the new color is called Copper Trail. It's a nice mid color. And I'm steering clear of high gloss. Flat it is! Stay safe in the rains. You aren't in a flood plain are you?

Had a short break in work and heading back out.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215688
04/23/20 02:38 PM
04/23/20 02:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
Hola Cola and Happy Thursday puppy

I've been on a dead run all day. Time to sit and sip (water, too late for coffee) until time for Bible Study. We are doing it via the internet these days. Lots of rain and some call for bad weather in AL. Hopefully, not here.

Ana, the boys would love me to redo our bathroom, but it's got gloss paint and then I sealed it with something, so I'm not eager to take that on. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215693
04/23/20 04:02 PM
04/23/20 04:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Yeppers Joe ... got the gutters finished yesterday in time for today's downpours ... so far so good ... sorry to hear about the tornado's ... usually never good news sad

No Ana ... in fact we live on a hill ... but ... with that said, we do have drainage issues/pooling out front of the house which can be and is very problematic during "very heavy and lengthy downpours" like the other night eek Stay safe whilst you are out n about!

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Monday April 20 [Re: gymcandy1] #1215707
04/23/20 08:56 PM
04/23/20 08:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

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