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Joe's Diner May 2nd #1216469
05/02/20 07:23 PM
05/02/20 07:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Some very wise person........somewhere
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable. Do you see his dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day.

Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma!” It just gets me all teary eyed.”

After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much. “You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise!

Tell me..what do you think about my Grandson!”
~~

Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines. He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a dog in a cage. “Excuse me,” said Joe “dogs are not allowed on board, you have to check it in with the baggage.” The lady wasn’t happy, but Joe was an experienced steward and succeeded in convincing the lady without much of a scene.

Upon arrival, Joe took a peek in the cage, and to his great surprise, saw that the dog was dead! Frantic that they may get sued, Joe quickly sent one of his underlings out to town to buy a dog that looked exactly the same.

Just in the nick of time the underling arrived with the dog They quickly switched dogs and breathed a sigh of relief. “This isn’t my dog!” said the lady as soon as she saw it. “I’m sure it is” insisted Joe “I was very careful about where I put it.”

“It’s not my dog” argued the lady, “I was bringing my dog to my home town to have him buried, and this dog is alive!”

Without skipping a beat, and still trying to cover himself, Joe says, "I can't believe it. You were going to bury your dog alive?!"
~~

Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the N.Y. Times, so please…..” There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”
~~

A Stewardess upon noticing that someone clearly has been smoking in the bathroom. “I’m sorry sir” she said “but you’re not allowed to smoke on the plane, if you want to smoke again please step out on the wing!”
~~

Bob Smith was sick of his job and was determined to find work elsewhere. But no matter how hard he tried, his reputation as someone who was not dedicated to the job, seemed to follow him around.

One day the phone rang at his office. Although Bob did not usually pick up the phone, he picked it up and said hello. “Hi” said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you, I’m looking into a fellow Bob Smith for a position in my company. Do you know this fellow?”

“Sure I know him”, responded Bob with a smile. “Tell me,” asked the man. “Is he consistent with his work? Does he always show up on time?”

“Well I’ll be honest with you” Bob truthfully replied, “I’m not so consistent myself, but whenever I’m here he’s here!”
~~

A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body. When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand.
“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”

There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door. “Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”

To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty. “But how could you say that he is guilty? Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer.

“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.”

“Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer.

“Your client.” Came the reply.
~~

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail.

Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”

After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.
~~

Two thugs walked into a Mexican bank and demanded that the teller hand over all she had. “No comprendo” (I don’t understand) was her innocent response.

Unsure of how to proceed, one of the thugs held out his gun and screamed “anyone hear speak Spanish?” Hesitantly, a young man approached. With his gun to the teller’s head, the thug had his now interpreter demand of the teller “hand over all the money you have!”

“I have none” was her nervous response. “It’s all locked up!” “Ask her where the key is!” the thug demanded the interpreter, now with his gun even closer to the teller’s head.

“It’s in the bottom right drawer!” responded the teller immediately.

“She said she will not tell you where the key is, and you can even pull the trigger on her!” Responded the greedy interpreter.
~~

Ten Things I know about you

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
~~

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like.

So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He traveled out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant.

After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him.

Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.

“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”
~~

Howdy everybody. wave2


Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation? happydance


Ok we won't go there. This is a diner after all. snicker


We had a terrific day here. It was real nice and not too hot until late afternoon, but we still didn't do much. wink


I tinkered around in the shop a little, and that's about it other than walking Missy.....or Missy walking me. razz


I expect Sunday to be pretty much a carbon copy of today. hamster


I hope your week is full of sunshine and happiness. yay


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216471
05/02/20 09:02 PM
05/02/20 09:02 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
chores.

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216478
05/02/20 10:40 PM
05/02/20 10:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
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The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for starting another week for us, Joe! It was a beautiful day today. I went to the Michigan Dunes and we had such a great day! Nugget ran to her hearts content and swam the rough Lake Michigan for over an hour. Much needed mental health day!

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216490
05/03/20 03:49 AM
05/03/20 03:49 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Hi Joe sherlock, My favourite was the Dead dog puppy in the plane rotfl joke which I am going to tell my Hubby hug when he wakes up from his nap sleephehehe


family hardwall chores is one ugly world - but unfortunately they need to be done, I truly hope angel you get some relaxation afterwards dance


Hi Anna dragon, Awh bless nugget lab - she sounds like a beautiful dog wavegirl


Happy Gaming All Boomers penguin

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216496
05/03/20 06:53 AM
05/03/20 06:53 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
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connie  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning, stay safe. I'm going to the Eagles with a couple of other ladies this afternoon. We will be doing some cleaning out of things to see what we can throw out. The men have it freshly painted and spiffed up. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, French Toast, Waffles, and Toast. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216500
05/03/20 07:15 AM
05/03/20 07:15 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Morning connie wavegirlenjoy yourself at the Eagles...breakfast sounds nice:)

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216512
05/03/20 10:42 AM
05/03/20 10:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
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Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Hey Ho Joe, I plan to kind of do the same thing today too ... cc of yesterday and think about pencils all day rotfl

Oh my Family ... were you behind in chores?

Goodness Ana, you need to do that more often yes

Good (early) morning to you TaintedFury ... what's on your docket for Monday?

Good morning Connie ... be safe while your out n' about ... freshly painted is always nice and clean ... I'm up for eggs, sunnyside up, grits, hash browns, sausage and biscuits with gravy.

L4L hearts

Have a Super Sunday Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216536
05/03/20 01:51 PM
05/03/20 01:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
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Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Back from my walk and all cleaned up and lunched. Now time to relax a bit til it's time to cook supper. It's beautiful in AL. Hope everyone has a great day. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216558
05/03/20 06:46 PM
05/03/20 06:46 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216559
05/03/20 06:55 PM
05/03/20 06:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,287
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,287
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Getting ready to watch Killing Eve. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216582
05/04/20 03:44 AM
05/04/20 03:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Thanks Soot wave2Good Morning to you as well …..Doing the dishes, then writing out Mother's Day Cards then afterwards i'm going out to post them while walking our dog Sharni -she's an American Staffie… puppy


connie wavegirlLike always breakfast sounds delicious:), have a lovely day. joy


Space Quest Fan monkyYou gotta have popcorn with that, hope you enjoy the movie. bravo


Looney labI think after that you should put up your feet & watch a movie too grin

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216588
05/04/20 06:18 AM
05/04/20 06:18 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning, be safe. Painting is going well. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216610
05/04/20 09:04 AM
05/04/20 09:04 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 32,969
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning Ana, Family, SpaceQuestFan, Gerry, Connie, L4L, Soot, ManXman, ButterFlyBabe, Trail_Mystic, Mary, TaintedFury, MaG, and all. wave2

It's a nice Monday morning down here in OkieLand. We're headed up to about 91 degrees today. razz

I don't have anything planned for today, but like Sunday I may trip over a project if I look around hard enough. slapforehead

Sunday morning I went out to feed those cats, and when I turned to come back in I noticed that one of my shutters was falling off. After my breakfast and coffee I went and took it down. It was then I decided to address an issue that I have been putting off, which was to try and rejuvenate the finish on them. They were sun bleached and very weathered. yes

I was intending to try spray paint on them, but I noticed a pint of MinWax stain/sealer on the shelf in the laundry room that I bought a year or so ago, and I thought I'd test it on the back of a shutter to see how it worked and it worked great. bravo

I took six shutters down and gave them the treatment and was finished by lunch time. bravo

They look brand new. Now to see how long it takes the sun to bleach them out again. razz

I guess I can address another pressing issue today, cleaning Pepper's penthouse. blech

I'm now accepting applications for assistance in that. snicker

I hope everyone has a fantastic, and safe day. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216646
05/04/20 08:04 PM
05/04/20 08:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216654
05/05/20 02:54 AM
05/05/20 02:54 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Good Morning Joe sherlock I reckon them shutter's would like amazing, well done thumbsup

Take care & be safe wave2

family hug And a very Good Morning to as wellwavegirl


Take care all Boomer's penguin

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216658
05/05/20 06:54 AM
05/05/20 06:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, enjoy your day. Painting still going on. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast i the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216663
05/05/20 08:51 AM
05/05/20 08:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
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soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Hey Ho on this Revenge of the Sixth day laugh

Connie, hope you enjoy your day too! I'll have a Danish to go today as I'm off to work

TaintedFury, back from my walk with Little Soot and just got our Mother's Day cards in the mail this morning ... get a good night's rest and we'll see you tomorrow

Enjoy your shows Family

Joe shutters look fantastic .... well done!!

L4L hearts

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury (sleep good) and anyone else who pops in to say hi wave

It's time to get to work

lab


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216722
05/05/20 08:56 PM
05/05/20 08:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216738
05/06/20 03:30 AM
05/06/20 03:30 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 922
SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELBOURNE AU...
Thanks Soot - Hope you do to:)

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216744
05/06/20 06:26 AM
05/06/20 06:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning, stay safe. Getting the Living room ready for painting. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hug


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216806
05/06/20 08:50 PM
05/06/20 08:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 5,513
marietta,georgia
watching court shows.

Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216808
05/06/20 10:03 PM
05/06/20 10:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 79,027
In the Naughty Corner
The days just fly by! Hope you all are well! Beautiful day today after rainy gloomy days. Another nice day tomorrow and Friday back to 30's when I start my day. I'm ready for summer!

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216825
05/07/20 07:13 AM
05/07/20 07:13 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,395
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great day. Still painting and cleaning. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. hearts


Connie
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216826
05/07/20 07:26 AM
05/07/20 07:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 31,601
Usually in an Alabama Tree
Good morning connie I'll have a Danish and bacon sandwich to go please
Little Soot and I are enjoying a walk in the park
Good day everyone


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Joe's Diner May 2nd [Re: gymcandy1] #1216834
05/07/20 10:44 AM
05/07/20 10:44 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,465
Alabama
My gosh, it's cool in AL today. Heading out to enjoy a neighborhood walk. Ya'll have a good one wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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