The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.
John angrily looked at the text he had just received from his Mom. It read: “Professor called to say you failed the course. LOL. Mom. ” How could he have failed?! … And all his Mom has to say is that she’s Laughing Out Loud?! Fed up, he text-ed his Mom: “What was up with the LOL?” his text said. “I just wanted to send you Lot’s Of Love because I know how disappointed you must be.”
While working the lunch shift at a local restaurant, I watched as an elderly couple ate. It seemed as if the man was the only one eating. First his appetizer, then his main, and then finally his dessert. All the while with his wife just looking on, not even touching her food. Confused, I approached the woman and asked if there was anything I could get for her. “No thank you,” came her answer, “it’s his turn for the teeth.”
Barry and Hannah, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.
Sam goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup. “Everything is fine”, said the doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Sam, “I’m only 75, do you think I’ll make it to 80? “Well” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No” Sam replied. “Do you eat fatty meat or sweets?” “No” said Sam “I am very careful about what I eat.” “How about your activities? Do you engage in thrilling behaviors like speeding or skiing? “No” said Sam taken aback, “I would never engage in dangerous activities.” “Well,” said the doctor, “then why in the world would you want to live to be 80?
Grandma Sally’s first great-grandchild was born and after a few weeks, when the parents need a break, she was given the job of watching her. “Let me see the little cutie,” begs her friend Gerty. “Not yet”, Sally responds. When she again refuses five minutes later Gerty has had enough “what are you waiting for?” she fumed. “I’m waiting for her to cry.” “Why is that?” questioned Gerty. “Well, because I forgot where I put her!”
Due to the fact that my elderly mother was constantly losing her cordless phone I bought her a phone with a clip. I was taken by surprise the next afternoon to find her standing in the kitchen holding her pants by her ear. “What are you staring at?” she snapped at me, “I couldn’t figure out how to undue this silly clip you bought me!”
“Hey Jim”, called Harry. “Check out my new hearing aids, they work so well, I could hear a pin drop!” “Really” asked Jim, that’s unbelievable, I am actually in the market for new hearing aids, what type is it?” “Four a clock”, responded Harry.
So this old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You’re test results came back and I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have Cancer and you have Alzheimer’s”. The old man says, “That ain’t so bad, at least I don’t have Cancer!”
A lady noticed an old happy man sitting on his porch. “Excuse me” she said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. Tell me, what is the secret to your long happy life.”
“Well, the man responded, “I eat fatty foods, never exercise. I also smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, and drink about a case of whiskey a week”
“Wow” the women said “and how old are you?”
“Twenty eight”, he said!
Two seniors got engaged, and as they were strolling down the street excitedly planning there wedding they passed a drugstore.
“Excuse me” the man said to the clerk, “Do you sell medicine for memory problems?” “Sure” replied the clerk “all kinds.”
“How about for arthritis?” “Yup” replied the clerk. “Wheelchairs, walkers, adult diapers?” “Yeah”, replied the clerk, all kinds.
“OK excellent” said the man “because we are getting married next month, and we want to use you as our Bridal Registry.”
I ran into a store leaving my elderly mother in the car. I was surprised when at the cashier I saw my mother there. What are you doing here I asked I left the car running? Don’t worry she said I locked the doors!
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
“Really?”, one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling red flowers called?”
“Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
“Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”
An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear, and wondering what he could do about it. The Doctor said he needed to know just how severe her hearing loss is and suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem.
“Stand far behind her a few feet and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer then move a step closer and see how far away you are when she first responds.”
The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ”
Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?”
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!
Good morning everyboomie.
It's that time again. We had a super day here, it was warm and breezy.
I didn't do much. I took Missy to the park, and then my friend called and came out for a visit and left Beau with us for a visit.
I messed around a little bit outside just to enjoy the breezy weather.
I spent a couple of hours trying to get UrU Complete to play on this computer. It's been a very long time since I've been able to play it. After spending hours on it today, stacked on top of more hours I spent jacking with it before today, I finally got it to work.
I hate computers.
I hope you all enjoy the new diner and have a fantastic week.