Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.

Not really sure who said that. Probably every married man at one time or another.
~~~~~~


“Hi Sarah, listen I only have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? Ok great! We’ll speak.”

Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy. Sure enough after twenty minutes Raquel was discreetly checking her watch.

After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now .”

“No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!”
~~~~

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.

“My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”

“That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.”

“WELL!” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”
~~~~

Harry was thrilled. After seeing a psychologist for over three years, he was finally pronounced free to go.

“Wow this is so exciting you mean I am finally cured?!” Questioned Harry excitedly, “You mean I no longer have an inferiority complex!”

“Well” said the psychologist slowly, “to be perfectly honest with you I don’t think you ever had an inferiority complex. After much thought I have come to a conclusion. I think you really are inferior!”
~~~~

Anne went away to college and promptly became an avid animal right activist. When she came home for the Holidays she noticed her mother wearing a beautiful genuine fur coat.

“Oh Mom,” Anne exclaimed in a disapproving tone, “some animal must have suffered terribly just so you can get a fur coat.”

“ANNE!” Screamed her Mom Aghast ” I SEND YOU AWAY TO COLLEGE AND YOU COME BACK TALKING LIKE THAT?!

HOW CAN YOU TALK THAT WAY ABOUT YOUR DAD!!!”
~~~~

“Help!” screamed the hunter into his cell phone “I was trying to shoot a deer and by mistake I killed my partner.”

“OK” said the ranger into the phone “try to calm yourself down. First I would like you to make sure he’s dead.”

“Ok hold on a second” said the hunter. Suddenly the ranger heard a loud gun shot, then the hunter came back on, “Ok now what?”
~~~~

Everyone loved Priest John. He was a happy jolly fellow always willing to help or lend a hand. One time John was walking down the street humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house. “Hey there sonny” said John “let me help you out”, and with that John reached out and pressed the bell. “Anything else I can do for you,” asked John with a smile. “Yes” said the boy. “Run! We’ve only got a few seconds before they come!”
~~~~

Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it. Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair. “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes. ”

Three minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!”

“Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled, “that was the first compliment I got all day!”
~~~~

So it was Jim’s first time leaving Europe, he was excited about visiting America and expanding his horizons.

“Excuse me”, said a woman to him at the airport. “Do you happen to be traveling to America?” “As a matter of fact I am” responded Jim. “Do me a favor, my husband left to America 2 months ago and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. If you meet a fellow named John Dun, tell him to call his wife.”

Jim happily complied and was on his way. He was barely in America for a hour when he saw a big building with the words Dun Watches, “Wow!” thought Jim “that was easy.” Jim walked into the building and asked the lady behind the desk “do you have a John here?”

“Second door on the left,” was her reply. Jim saw a man walking out of the door drying his hands “are you Dun?” he asked. “Yes” came the mystified reply.

“Call your wife,” said Jim, “she’s been waiting to hear from you.”
~~~~

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant.

After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth.

“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I did was order an apple, and look what it came with!”
~~~~

It was a bitter divorce, after four years of marriage and two children it was over. Sam showed up in court together with his ex to see what the verdict would be.

Finally after a long court case the verdict was decided. “Ok”, said the judge, turning to Sam, “I am rewarding your ex-wife Ann $470 dollars a month.”

“That’s very kind of you, and I really appreciate it” said Sam “I’ll try to send her a little bit from time to time myself."
~~~~

“It was terrible”, moaned John upon entering the classroom a half hour late. “I left with plenty of time to arrive at school on time, but it was so slippery that every step I took, I slipped two steps back.”

“Well,” said the teacher, with a suspicious look on his face, “how in the world did you get here at all?”

“Well”, said the quick thinking student, “after twenty minutes I finally gave up and started heading home!”
~~~~

Frank lived next door to the city crazy house. One day he was happily minding his own business when he heard some chanting coming from next door. “Twenty one, twenty one twenty one..”. After listening for a few minutes curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over to see if he could figure out what it was all about. Nearing the house he spotted a small hole in the wall. Frank bent down and peered through the hole into the house. Suddenly as if out of nowhere, a finger came out of the hole and poked him in the eye. Frank fell back clutching his eye, he than heard the chanting change “twenty two twenty two twenty two….”
~~~~

Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took in a deep breath, looked around at the beautiful lobby and asked “what are my choices?” The woman’s gave Sam a strange look, and responded in an extra loud and slow voice, “yeees or noooo.”
~~~~

Hello everybody. May 31st really?? We're almost half way through this year. ALREADY!!!


Wow, I'm half a year older! I wonder if my senior discounts will increase.


It's funny. We used to lament about the weekend being over and having to go back to work.


Where do you go now to get away from work, when you work at home?


I go to Lowe's.


And Walmart.


Have a great week everyone.


joe

Time flies when you are having fun, Joe. I can't believe how it's almost half over. This is a year like no other for sure!

Have a happy day everyone! Be safe and be well.

Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. I blinked and it is now June 1st. Hope everyone is healthy and safe. Before you know it summer will be here. Happy Birthday to GameBoomers the best community on the internet!

Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy your first day of June!

Good morning Joe and Ana - That's for sure, time just seems to be going faster & faster as we get older...next we'll be seeing Xmas trees in shops hehe.
May you both have a super start to the week.

Happy Gaming too all Boomers

Good morning, have a Wonderful day. Danish, Eggs, Home Fries, Waffles, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Can't believe next month will be the end of my first year of retirement. Don't remember what I've done with all the time!

Weather's gotten cooler 50s/60s vs 70s/80s. Kinda cloudy today. Won't be surprised if it rains later.

I'm just happy to be safe, healthy and relatively sane

Hey Ho everyone ... good morning/evening to you all ... work kept me busy today and I suspect will be the same tomorrow.

Whoa ... can't believe it's June already

Good morning connie yummy breaky, butterflybabe happy gaming & Soot may your work speed fast....Super day to all off you and most importantly be happy & stay safe...

Good morning, have a Wonderful day. Vet visit later today. Becky is due here shots again, and Sunshine has a lump by her ear. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Waffles, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast.

Good morning! It's a bright sunny day here, already warm and will get to 94 degrees. It'll be tongues out for all the pooches today!

Gerry, how is your sister doing?

Taintedfury, don't say the C word! The rate we are going Christmas will be cancelled this year.

connie, good luck at the vets!

soot, hope work goes well today!

butterflybabe, are you happy you retired or do you miss working?

Off I go....

Good morning TaintedFury Connie and Ana

Ana, another busy day for work today ... that's good as it makes the time fly

Gerry, your coffee was a life saver this morning ... it was rich and the heavy whipping cream added a very smooth n creamy flavor

Connie, I be thinking of you Becky and SunShine's visit to the vet today ... be safe ... I'm off to the NC for grits, bacon and eggs.

Hey Ho TaintedFury, wishing you a restful sleep this Tuesday evening and a wonderful day tomorrow ... no doubt in my mind about time picking up as we pick up the years

Gosh ButterFlyBabe if the past year has been a whirlwind then I imagine you've been keeping yourself pretty busy doing this and that ... I guess you could start a daily diary to track events

Enjoy your shows Family

Work is humming at a nice pace today ... lots of meetings to catch up with all our projects

L4L

Have a stunning day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

watching court shows.

Hi Ana Your right I better not...for sure I won't get a new dishwasher Lol.....just wishing hehehe


G'day Soot hehe Yep that's for sure....when I a child I wanted a adult now it's the opposite.....it's going very fast!


family may you a terrific day & enjoy your court shows

Good morning, have a Lovely day. Becky got her shots, Frankie got meds for a UTI, and Sunshine has to go back next Thursday for surgery. She has a tumor under her ear. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Waffles, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Hey BET, I did enjoy my work and miss its challenge, also the colleagues I saw everyday, but not the general community college work environment. I keep in touch with a few coworkers; two of whom are eagerly preparing to retire this year; another needs to get out but can't. Lots of organizational changes over the past 5 years included creating a lot of new VP positions. Coworkers who've been there over 20 years are having a difficult time communicating with their new much younger bosses. Of course they are facing new challenges with working from home. The inability to safely meet with students has been tough.

That being said, I'm happy to be home 're-cooperating' from my time there. Don't have to answer to or worry about anyone but myself. Very freeing for me.

thanks for asking

Connie, hope Sunshine's tumor is benign.

Taintedfury, I whispered in Santas ear for that dishwasher for you!

family, enjoy!

soot, glad you have a good steady pace at work right now. My days are getting fuller each week.

butterflybabe, not having to answer to anyone but yourself sounds great!

Good day everyone

Family ... I hope your shows were engaging!

TaintedFury ... I had the same thoughts as a youngster ... I was always thinking the grass would be greener when I got to that next age group cause they looked
cool and had more freedom

Connie ... keeping SunShine in my thoughts

ButterFlyBabe ... it's good to hear you're enjoying "your" time

Ana ... fuller days are good ... makes time fly for me

Another challenging work day almost behind me ... need to finish email tonight, but first it's time for some gardening and music

L4L

Have a extraordinary day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

watching court shows.

Hi Connie good luck with Sunshine and surgery:)

Hi butterflybabe .Very true, good on you! may you have a great day at home:)

Hi Soot Yep but that's a sure part of life......wishing you a peaceful & wonderful day.
*****************************************************************
Hi Boomers:)
Just letting Everyone know that I might not be on for a few days as I've got R/Hand surgery tomorrow morning, I will try asap when pain eases & I regain movement in fingers..... Be safe and warm/cool

Good morning all, have a Great Thursday. Taintedfury, good luck with your hand surgery. Mani/Pedi today at my house. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Waffles, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

watching court shows.

Good morning, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Eggs, Home Fries, Grits, Waffles, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Hey Ho Joe's Diner Boomers ... T.G.I.F. Good Morning to Y'all!!

Family, enjoy your shows today

TaintedFury ... yes oh yes, lay low in recovery following R/Hand surgery ... and savor the fact you beat us to the weekend ... wishing you a speedy recovery!

Oh my Connie, I can smell the eggs, bacon and sausage all the way up here ... will enjoy my morning in the NC

Busy weekend Ana??

How about you Joe ... any plans to hit the sod farm this weekend?

Only a couple of meetings today so hoping to get some good work done on my projects ... enjoying this new routine.
L4L
Tee Gee Eye Eff Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Good morning everyboomie.

I can't believe it's Friday already. Can y'all smell the weekend.

I'm still partial to weekends. I guess it's just the state of mind.

My week has been fairly uneventful. Just me, Pepper, Missy, and the heat. It's all mid to upper 90s now.

I don't do much outside now mind you, and I don't have a lot to do inside, so I'm refocusing on exercising to keep from going bananas, and beat back the stress.

Connie thank you for the awesome breakfast this morning.

TaintedFury I hope you sleep well tonight, good luck on your surgery.

Butterflybabe I can't believe it's been over four years since I retired. I miss certain aspects of my last job at Lowe's, (probably why I spend so much time there), but there's just a whole lot of frustration that I don't miss about it.

Every time I go in there and hear an announcement for assistance in the Seasonal department, I feel like I need to run over there and assist.

Soot I don't need to waste time going back out to the sod farm unless we get a huge rain. I most likely would have very little success. I hope your Friday at the office goes smoothly and you can start your weekend a little early.

Ana stay cool out there today is this heat. Do you get a day off this weekend>??

Have a super day Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie Soot L4L ManXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic TaintedFury Mary MaG and everyboomie.

joe

chores, and grocery shopping.

Good morning, shopping in the rain today. We may need an ark soon. LOL Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Bacon, Sausage, Waffles, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning Joe Family and Connie
Yes indeedee Joe, the weekend has arrived! I hope the sod becomes sodden for your pickin's. Friday was another busy day ... thank goodness there is a dinner chime "COME AND GET IT!!!" to pull me from work

I did my grocery shopping today Family ... I was too late yesterday and the dinner chime had already rang

Connie, don't sail away although my thoughts are that would be a fun vacation until the seas got rough

Chores, projects, gardening and music filled my day ... it was good ... after all it is the weekend

TaintedFury, we are thinking of you and hope you are well on your journey to recovery

Busy weekend Ana?

L4L

Have a sensational day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Been a lovely Saturday. Dinner is over, and it's time to go up and binge on the first season of Hawaii 5-0. Good night all

chores.

Good Moring Everyone

Hi Connie , Soot , & Joe ...Thankyou all for your support & kind words of recovery ... the swelling on my R/H fingers nearly all gone down & I can do just minor things at this stage though i'm not allowed to lift anything heavy ....also Goodmorning to Ana , family , Looney , Kaki's Sister & Space Quest Fan happy gaming Boomers & have a absolute terrific day

Good morning, enjoy your Sunday. Breakfast out this morning, meeting at the Eagles this afternoon. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, Waffles, French Toast, and Toast. in the NC.

Good morning Connie - TaintedFury - Family - et al

TaintedFury ... it's so good to see you ... Do NOT overdo it please ... kick back and task hubby to take over for the moment
Connie ... am guessing your meeting this afternoon might entail new operating procedures for the Eagles In the meantime how about a plate of biscuits and gravy with a cup of java from Gerry

I may chip away at my clutter project some today ... lots to chip at

L4L

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Yes Soot, new ways to serve our dinners, and set up charity functions. It is an all a new learning process. It was good to get back together again even social distancing.

Yes I understand it was a good feeling to get back together ... have had the same feeling when getting back with my office mates for a quick meeting this past week after months apart.

See you tomorrow

watching court shows.

The weekend is coming to a close too quickly. Wishing you all a great day!

Lots to do before I go to sleep...

Good Monday Morning to all our GB Community. Hope everyone is well and getting back to normal slowing. Coffee and tea are ready. Have a safe and Happy Day!

Hi Soot thanks No worries about that , I only make a coffee now & again or wash a cup then type a little to friends on computer. Since hubby picked me up from the hospital he's been doing all the cooking, washing & tidying up, As well as fixing our Dishwasher (crossed off santa list -hehe) and today he repaired our Brivis Buffalo Ducted Heating System which like always breaks down every winter - the joys not! ...….Happy wonderful day Everyone:)

Good morning, enjoy the day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, French Toast, and Biscuits in the NC.

Hey Ho Connie, TaintedFury Gerry Ana and Family

TaintedFury, great news that you're on the mend and hubby is waiting on you hand and foot Yeah, your temps are chilly so keep that heater heating!!

Gerry ... coffee

Connie, I had a Danish to go this morning ... I need to slow down

Family, hope your shows were entertaining today

Whoa ... another busy day and I am looking forward to bed tonight!

L4L

Have a delightful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

watching court shows.

Hi Soot Most definitely - Yep definitely heater weather , at least the sun has been coming out after the morning chill. Have a great day Soot.

Taintedfury glad to hear you are on the mend and hubby is helping out.

Wishing everyone a great day. Enjoy the fresh air!

Hi and thankyou Kaki's Sister, me too...he's been a tremendous help & support:)