“If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

~~~~

How does Moses make tea?

He brews.
~~~~

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.
~~~~

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.
~~~~

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
~~~~

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.
~~~~

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.
~~~~

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.
~~~~

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
~~~~

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
~~~~

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It’s two gross.
~~~~

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

“Curses! Foil again!”

~~~~

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
~~~~

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.
~~~~

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.
~~~~

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.
~~~~

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

~~~~

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Is that girdle comfortable?
~~~~

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.
~~~~

What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here. I'll go on a head.
~~~~

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.
~~~~

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.
~~~~

What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

~~~~

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.
~~~~

What did the drunk do when he was on the witness stand?

He took the fifth.
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.


It was a dark and stormy night.......literally.


It was nice to get some rain though. Today is overcast but I think the rain may be over. Maybe


So I'm sitting around inside this morning and decided to do this post now instead of tomorrow, so I'll just say Happy Father's Day tomorrow to all the fathers here........Soot.


Really I don't know if there are other fathers reading the diner.


Is Father's Day strictly American?


I think so.


I need to do something, I just don't have much ambition this morning........conveniently.


So here are some more off-color jokes for all of you to enjoy.


Have a happy week everyone.


joe

Thanks for the puns/jokes; I could read/see them all this time!

85 degs in Chicago area; expected to rain/shower off and on this week.

Busy week ahead but nothing special today. Laundry, games, Netflix and whatever else I get into.

Happy Father's Day, back at cha

We are having a beautiful day here, but warm...very warm....and very humid.

Son and g'sons went hiking today. I hit the park and imitated a hamster for 4 miles. So thankful to come home to a working shower.

I have lunched and laundried. Now time to do dishes and then go sit and play for a sec. Hope you all are having a wonderful day

cooking and chores.

Good morning, Happy Father's Day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, French Toast, and Biscuits in the NC.

Hey Ho Joe ButterFlyBabe L4L Family and Connie

Happy Father's Day to all dads

Joe, your humor always put a smile on me ... I found that Father's Day is not just a USA event but is celebrated in 38 different countries (if my math is correct) all on different days and months ... very interesting ... I think we should lay low for the day

ButterFlyBabe ... games, Netflix and whatever sounds like a plan to me

Best wishes for cooking and chores today Family

Thanks Connie ... I'm headed to the NC for eggs, grits, bacon and toast

TaintedFury ... I imagine you might be closing in on your next procedure ... best wishes to you ... keeping you and the Doc's in my thoughts and prayers

Low key day for me I think ... but that can change

L4L

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Good morning and Happy Fathers day, soot, Joe and others!

I have a boarder here so we are doing "dog things". It was supposed to be thunder storms literally all weekend starting Friday evening and we didn't even get enough rain to water my plants. I want to make a million dollars a year to guess at the weather too! I picked the wrong profession!

Have a great day all!

Hey Ho Ana ... good morning ... wishing you a fun day!

Good morning folks.

Ana I think we got your thunderstorms. They started at about 5:00 this morning and they haven't stopped.

I hope you enjoy your canine activities today.

It's been very dark all morning, so Soot it's real easy for me to lay low this morning and I have company for that. Missy is laying low too. She does not care for thunderstorms at all, nope!

I love them though. I really love sitting here and listening to the thunder.

Thanks for the info on Father's Day. I really thought it was just here in the states, so Happy Father's Day to all dads everywhere.

Connie thank you for the breakfast!

Gerry thank you for the great coffee!

Have a super day Ana, L4L, Soot, Family, Connie, Gerry, Tainted Fury, Mary, SpaceQuestFan, ManXman, ButterFlyBabe, Trail_Mystic, MaG, and everyone.

joe

doing creamy beef stroganoff casserole, and broccoli cheddar cornbread.cornbread

BET

I once heard someone say that the only profession that doesn't get in trouble for being wrong is a weather person.

Super Sunday ya'll

I'm back from a hot and humid walk through the hills. After a little while, I was hot and sweaty, and could just enjoy the rest of the walk.

Thankful, as always, for the ability to shower and for AC.

Son and I clipped guinea pig toenails this morning. It's amazing how it takes 2 adults' blood sweat and tears to clip nails on a 2 lb animal. There's gotta be a trick to it that we don't know.

Off to watch Man on Fire with hubby.

Happy Father's Day ya'll

watching court shows.

Hi Joe , Ana , Soot , connie , family , looney & butterflybabe , Wonderful too you all, be safe and happy gaming.

P.s Soot actually I've got a upcoming appointment on the 1st July so possibly the doctor will let me then when's the next one. Thanks & enjoy the remainder of the weekend & may the next week fly by .

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's in America.

Good morning, enjoy your day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Home Fries, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Happy Monday! Wishing you all a good day!

Hi ya Family, Tainted, and Connie and everyone else who comes in

I finished my run this morning which is a good thing cos it's pouring this afternoon. Laundry and dishes have happened and now I'm going to go relax for a bit before it's time to make dinner.

Have a great one ya'll

watching court shows.

Good evening everyone

I survived my last at the office for a couple of weeks ... back to Teleworking

TF ... that makes sense ... I'll bet you are ready for this to be all behind you!

Joe ... Little Soot doesn't care for thunderstorms either

Connie ... I used the Drive-Thru Window in the NC this morning

Sleep well everyone

Hi Looney Yes you definitely would need downtime after that & a warm cup of hot chocolate.


Hiya Soot Your certainly right about that and hope your Teleworking goes well for you.

Good morning, enjoy your day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Well, back from a very early (for me) run in the hills. It was cooler though I was still gross by the time I got home. The deeper we get into summer, the earlier I have to get up to get my walk/run in.

Then into town for a doctor's appointment, and now home. Have been tagged in for supper tonight, so have to go get creative, and organized.

Have a great one, ya'll

Good evening everyone ... I'm getting back into the Telework mindset ... more meetings needed to keep everyone connected vice just sticking your head into one's office at work

Hey Ho TaintedFury ... so what's been keeping you busy during this recovery period

Hey Connie ... thanks for the sausage, grits, eggs and toast this morning ... hit the spot

L4L

Have an amiable evening Joe Ana Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary TaintedFury and anyone else who pops in to say hi

Sleep well!

watching court shows.

What do you prefer, soot? Would you rather be home or in the office?

Have a good day everyone!