Joe's July 26th Diner
#1223559
07/26/20 08:26 PM
07/26/20 08:26 PM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073 Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1
OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
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OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
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The four most beautiful words in our common language:
I told you so. Gore Vidal ~~~~~~~~~ An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a few potatoes in each bag. ~~~~ My daughter received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?” ~~~~ Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Me: That’s quite the age difference! Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. ~~~~ Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees and asked whether they had any. “Sure,” said the first guy. “I’ll get you one.” As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, “We keep them in the storage room. If we leave them out on the counter, people just come in and take them.” ~~~~ Things I overheard at my health club: “I’m only taking this class so I don’t eat for an hour.” “Who knew 40 years of neglect would have repercussions?” “Does this body make me look fat?” ~~~~ When my local barista handed me my change, one coin stood out. “Look at that. You rarely get one of these old wheat pennies nowadays,” I said, tapping the sheaf of-wheat design. I handed her the penny. Turning it over and over in her hand, she said, “You know, I always thought they were made of copper.” ~~~~ One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. “I wear this for Mommy so she can show Daddy when he gets home.” ~~~~ During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job. ~~~~ Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each. ~~~~ Could a ... ... librarian be called a bookkeeper? ... referee be a game warden? ... dairyman be a cowboy? ... cabinetmaker be the president? ~~~~ Since the coronavirus outbreak, my 47-year-old son has been washing his hands religiously. In fact, he said, “I’ve been washing my hands so much, I found the answers to an old eighth-grade math quiz.” ~~~~ “I make mistakes; I’ll be the second to admit it.” —Jean Kerr, author ~~~~ I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.” ~~~~ I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.” ~~~~ Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Then came Dad’s ship’s turn. The gunners’ very first shot sent the drone into the water! Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. “Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that,” the gunner said. “Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it.” ~~~~ During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, “If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster.” The cook turned slowly to my father and said, “Son, you’re in the Army. You have plenty of time.” ~~~~ What I remember most about my dad’s jokes is my mother’s reaction. While everyone else was howling at one of his punch lines, my mom would always respond, “Bernard, no one thinks you’re funny.” ~~~~ My dad used to sing little ditties. This was my favorite: There was a young lady named Mabel. She danced on the dining room table. Her face grew red, When the gentleman said ... “Look at the legs on that table!” ~~~~ Here's my favorite dad joke, with me as the dad: Every Sunday on the way to church, we would have to stop at a railroad crossing. And each time, I’d tell my 12-year-old daughter, “A train just went by. Know how I can tell? It left its tracks.” I got a moan the first couple of Sundays. After a while, every time we’d pull up to the crossing, all I had to do was look in the rearview mirror and she would smile. My daughter is now a college graduate and lives out of state, but every time I cross those tracks, I think of her. ~~~~ If it was a blustery day, you could be sure to hear my dad remark, “It was so windy today, I had to wrinkle my forehead and screw my cap on to keep it there!” ~~~~ My father and I were in the snowplow he drove for work when I saw a switch encased in a box. “What’s this for?” I asked. “It’s to turn red lights green,” he replied. As we reached a red light, he pointed to the box. “Try it.” I hit the switch, and it worked—the light turned green! Only much later did I find out that it was his garage-door opener. ~~~~ Joe is a new man on a construction crew. The first day on the job, he opens his lunch box and mumbles, “Oh no, peanut butter!” The next day, “Peanut butter again!” This goes on for days, until another worker says, “Why don’t you ask your wife to make a different lunch?” Joe replies, “I’m not married. I make my own lunch.” ~~~~ Good morning everyboomie. Didn't I just post like yesterday? Time flies when you're retired and have nothing to do all day. Well....I do sleep and game some. Hmmmm It's going to be a very busy week I think......wink wink. Have a happy and safe week everyone. joe
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.
William Butler Yeats
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223565
07/26/20 09:20 PM
07/26/20 09:20 PM
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343 In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
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The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343
In the Naughty Corner
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Thanks Joe for a bright and shiny new week! They've been real interesting lately, I could use a boring one soon and this won't be the one. Have a great day all!
Don't feed the Trolls
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223633
07/27/20 02:10 PM
07/27/20 02:10 PM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822 Alabama
soot
Puzzled Moderator
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Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822
Alabama
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Good morning Joe ... your post probably feels like yesterday if it's as hot as you say it's gettin ... the heat will do that too you ... and cook eggs to boot! Enjoy your busy week!! Ana ... what you need is a two week break! ... so in the meantime, take 5 when you can! Good morning Connie, you have a wonderful day too ... oh fun, what you watching on Netflix? ... I'll have an egg sandwich to go please Great news ButterFlyBabe ... keep counting your blessings! Enjoy your shows Family Well look at you L4L ... well done I might add Have a good-humored day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi
Dan ... To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223692
07/28/20 09:49 AM
07/28/20 09:49 AM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822 Alabama
soot
Puzzled Moderator
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Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822
Alabama
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Good morning everyone TaintedFury ... sorry to hear about the migraine, get well soonest! Hello BeaSong & Marian, it's good to see both of you Family ... I imagine you're enjoying your court shows Ana ... take 5 and relax I'm back to work ... just wanted to pop in and say hello L4L Have a beautiful day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary Marian and anyone else who pops in to say hi
Dan ... To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223693
07/28/20 11:23 AM
07/28/20 11:23 AM
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905 Alabama
looney4labs
Sonic Boomer
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Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
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Terrific Tuesday ya'll Back from my run, and thinking about lunch Son will be in g'son's room taking 2 loft beds apart. I'm planning on staying out of the way. Hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful day.
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223808
07/29/20 04:24 PM
07/29/20 04:24 PM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822 Alabama
soot
Puzzled Moderator
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Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822
Alabama
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Good afternoon everyone TaintedFury ... hope those/that migraine is "history" Family ... I am thinking you really enjoy your court shows Connie ... hope your day was fun ... grabbed a bacon sandwich to go this morning running out the door It's been a busy day at work and telework ... and finally found time to pop in and say hello ... I should sleep really good 2nite L4L Happy Camel Day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary Marian and anyone else who pops in to say hi
Dan ... To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223833
07/29/20 09:24 PM
07/29/20 09:24 PM
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343 In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
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The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343
In the Naughty Corner
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mbday, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose one of our companions. Hugs to you. Stormy evening here and I love the sound on the roof. Been a long week so far. Hugs to all! Ana
Don't feed the Trolls
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223842
07/30/20 03:39 AM
07/30/20 03:39 AM
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169 RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury
Addicted Boomer
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Addicted Boomer
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
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Hi Joe Wonderful day to you , my favorites were Potatoe Exercise & the Dad railway track with your daughter jokes. G'day Soot May work go quick & a fantastic afternoon . Thankyou yeah migraines dam right horrible thankfully it's fully gone now & I don't want it to come back... Hiya Ana Stormy when your in bed is the best but not the cleaning up the next day, hugs to you & nugget stay safe & warm.. Hiya Marian Beautiful day to you, Connie Enjoy your tasty breaky , family Enjoy your shows, mbday630 Sorry to hear about your dog -, Beasong & Butterflybabe . Terrific day too everyone and most importantly be safe all..
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223909
07/30/20 06:59 PM
07/30/20 06:59 PM
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905 Alabama
looney4labs
Sonic Boomer
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Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
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mbday, I am so very sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs to you
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223949
07/31/20 06:02 AM
07/31/20 06:02 AM
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,379 Scotland
MsMercury
Adept Boomer
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Adept Boomer
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,379
Scotland
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Hello Boomers! Just stopping by to say 'Hi' and wish you all a great Friday! Hope you are all well and keeping safe. Much love, Mary
"It's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts." I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'!
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223960
07/31/20 07:49 AM
07/31/20 07:49 AM
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,050 winter springs fl.
connie
Graduate Boomer
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Graduate Boomer
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,050
winter springs fl.
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Good morning, enjoy the day. Soot, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.
Connie
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1223968
07/31/20 09:41 AM
07/31/20 09:41 AM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822 Alabama
soot
Puzzled Moderator
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Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822
Alabama
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Birthday Cupcakes in the NC ... thank you so much Connie ... I'll start with a plate of eggs, sausage, a bowl of grits and toast first Hello Mary ... so good to see you ... wishing you a great Friday too ... stay smart and stay safe Family, enjoy your shows Hey Ho MBDay630 ... it's so good to see you ... yes, Joe's humor is a must to start any day TaintedFury ... I totally understand ... I hope they don't ... take care, sleep well and have a super Saturday! Thanks Marian ... I hope you had a great day too ... work has been keeping me out of trouble Hey Ana ... the weekend is almost here! L4L Have a magnificent day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary Marian MBDay630 and anyone else who pops in to say hi
Dan ... To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224009
07/31/20 11:54 AM
07/31/20 11:54 AM
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905 Alabama
looney4labs
Sonic Boomer
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Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
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Back from my run. I'm cleaned up, laundry has been swapped, guinea pigs fed and watered. Now my mind is contemplating lunch. It is hot and sticky and icky out there. Grateful to be inside with a working AC. Happy Birthday, Soot! Mary, it's good to have you drop by. We miss you! Keep safe That goes for the rest of you wonderful people!
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224011
07/31/20 11:57 AM
07/31/20 11:57 AM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073 Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1
OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
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OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
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Hello everybody. Sorry for my absence. I've had a busy week, and last night we had heavy thunderstorms and my internet was down. Yesterday was really hot. Over 100 degrees. I got my new dryer delivered in the afternoon, and that took a while to get it set up. Now I have matching w/d again. First time I ever ordered anything like that on the internet, but they were in St Louis, and sell tons of appliances, so I wasn't too concerned about it. Beasong it's great to see you in the diner. It's been a long time since I've seen you here. I'm happy to see positive comments about the jokes anytime. Glad you liked them. Marian thanks for stopping in. Thank you mbday630! It's good to see you too. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We all know exactly how sad you feel because we've all experienced that too. It's good to have someone else share your sorrow, and give you support. Take care and keep stopping in here to say hello. Taintedfury sorry to hear you had migrains. It's been a long time since I had to suffer that. I hope you don't have any more....ever! Mary it's great to see you in the diner anytime. Take care. Family I hope all is well with you and your family. Soot how is work going now that your back? At least we've made it to another weekend. Stay safe sir. L4L are you still running? How is son's chigger bites doing. Better I hope. I know how long those bites stay with you. Ana have your storms subsided? I think our's are over. We really needed the rain though. Have fun with the critters. I hope you get some down time this weekend. Connie thank you for always being here with the delicious goodies. I'm afraid I'm gaining too much insulation around my waist line though. Have a great weekend Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie Soot L4L ManXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary Marian MBDay630 MaG and everyone. joe
Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/31/20 12:02 PM.
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.
William Butler Yeats
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224017
07/31/20 12:47 PM
07/31/20 12:47 PM
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905 Alabama
looney4labs
Sonic Boomer
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Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
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Joe, still running. Every day I think, "I'll just walk today", but a slow jog is an easier gait for me. I will not miss the heat though, when it's gone. Glad you got your dryer ok. Son's chigger bites are awful. Hopefully, they will get better soonest. He thinks he got them while gathering wood while camping.
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224060
07/31/20 10:28 PM
07/31/20 10:28 PM
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343 In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
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The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,343
In the Naughty Corner
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soot, sounds like a great birthday! L4L, you go girl! Sorry to hear about your sons chigger bites. Those are miserable! family, enjoy. Joe, our weather is lovely right now. The rains brought cooler weather. Glad your purchase turned out well! connie, anything fun planned for the weekend? Mary, how are you doing? Good to see you! I'm having an unplanned and unprepared for gathering of 14 people at my house tomorrow. This is what happens when people plan things without letting you know. I hope I wake up less crabby and tired than I am right now. Have a happy day all!
Don't feed the Trolls
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224071
08/01/20 04:12 AM
08/01/20 04:12 AM
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169 RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury
Addicted Boomer
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Addicted Boomer
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
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Hi Soot Sure will thanks - Hope you have a super Saturday to..Sleep well. G'day Joe thanking you kindly so do I, May you have a relaxing weekend. Hiya Ana , family , MsMercury , Looney , Connie Fantastic day & a terrific Saturday too everyone, be safe healty and happy.
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224085
08/01/20 10:32 AM
08/01/20 10:32 AM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822 Alabama
soot
Puzzled Moderator
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Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,822
Alabama
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Good morning Connie TaintedFury Ana and Family Stay smart and safe while you're out shopping Connie ... I'll have a Danish to go please G'day TaintedFury ... It's good to see you around about ... have a good rest tonight ... any plans for Sunday Ana ... I'll keep you in my thoughts for your preparations and hope you got some rest last night Family ... chores and projects for me too today ... L4L So, I'm off shortly to work my weekend projects, but first a little gardening. Have a delightful day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi
Dan ... To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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Re: Joe's July 26th Diner
[Re: gymcandy1]
#1224090
08/01/20 12:34 PM
08/01/20 12:34 PM
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905 Alabama
looney4labs
Sonic Boomer
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Sonic Boomer
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
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Back from my run, though to call it a run today is generous Ana, 14 people....I'd turn out the lights and pretend to not be home. I hope you enjoy it Hubby and I are the only ones home today We are enjoying the quiet. Wish we could store it up
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras
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