"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65," read the newspaper obit. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40, and 10:50." —

~Merrill Markoe~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Traveling through the Midwest, I stopped at an Ohio welcome center to pick up a state map. I found plenty of brochures but no maps. Then I spotted two employees and asked whether they had any. “Sure,” said the first guy. “I’ll get you one.” As he walked to the back, the second guy explained, “We keep them in the storage room. If we leave them out on the counter, people just come in and take them.” —James Nealis
~~

Q: What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?

A: Plane Chocolate
~~

Q. Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks?

A. Mini-soda!
~~

Q: What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves?

A: The road!
~~

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my satnav said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."
~~

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
~~

I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team.

But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
~~

My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.
~~

When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!
~~

Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
~~

I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Bonnie McFarlane
~~

My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat 
circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!” The hunter responded, “Don’t quack.”

Katie O’Connell, Warrenville, Illinois
~~

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”

@ElizaBayne
~~

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have 
a huge clock right in the middle 
of the town.

Jimmy Kimmel
~~

Here’s a guide to American 
culture for Russians visiting the U.S., straight from Russian tour books:

“Women play a greater role in business. Often they insist to be treated exactly as an equal and not as a lady.”

“As a rule, the [social] invitation will be only on a weekend, and you don’t have to prepare for something extravagant. Everything is the same as ours, only with far less booze.”

“‘See you later’ should not be taken literally. That is a courtesy, 
and no more.”

Source: Mental Floss
~~

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

Lew Schneider
~~

Delta Airlines is infusing its cabins with a lavender-and-chamomile scent called Calm.

The Week asked its readers to come up with a better name to match “the ambience of the packed economy cabin.”

“Eau the Humanity” —Serena Meyer

“Giorgio’s Arm-on-me” —Wade Etheredge

“Chanel No. 5 Inches of Legroom” —Austin King

“Claustrophobique” —Cynthia Pocali

“Mist Connection” —Cary Berkowitz

“The 99 Per-scent” —Julia Flagg
~~

As I waited for my luggage 
at the airport, a man lifted my 
suitcase off the baggage carousel.

“Excuse me,” I shouted. “That’s 
my suitcase.” The man shot back defensively, “Well, somebody took mine!”
~~

This summer, I’m going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.

Demetri Martin
~~

L.A. public pools don’t have lifeguards—[they] have life coaches. If they see you struggling in the water, they say, “Are you happy with the decisions you’re making?” and give you a pamphlet for a yoga studio.

Craig Ferguson
~~

The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved 
reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?”

Samantha Earls, Wister, Oklahoma
~~

Happy New Week everyone!!!

joe

same thing.

Thanks for the new week, Joe! Hope all is well by you!

Family, enjoy!

Busy week this week and I have another boarder. The Bernese Mountain Dog I've had here before. She's such a sweet girl!
I have a racoon with distemper on my deck right now. Can't let the dogs out to go potty. It's breaking my heart.

Have a great day all!

Good morning, enjoy your day. I will be going to vote today. The weather has cooled off, and it's Beautiful. Let's hope it lasts. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, and Toast in the NC.

Oh my goodness, Ana, that would break my heart too.

I'm back from a cool but sunny run. Just a small portion was windy enough to make me cover my face.

Son, g'son, and I are supposed to play DnD in a few minutes, so off I go to refresh my memory.

same thing.

Good morning, enjoy the day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning everyone

Happy New Week Joe ... some great one-liners to put a smile on my face!!

Connie, hope you enjoy your day too! I'll grab a Danish as I head out the door for work this morning

Ana, don't forget to come up for air during the week

Family, enjoy your shows

L4L

Have a congenial Camel Day Joe Ana Family Connie L4L and anyone else who gets the chance to pops in and say hi

Oh my goodness, what a busy day it's been! Took me forever to eat lunch because I had to keep getting up. But, Lil Soot got a good report at the vet's today and I had a great sunny run at the park

same thing.

Good morning, enjoy your Thursday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, and Toast.

Thumping Good Thursday Ya'll

Connie, I'll take it all this morning! Thanks.

Our weatherman just said 80's next week, 70's today. I'm fine with it. Son will hate it!

I'll be heading out to conquer the hills in a bit. Waiting on it to at least get in the 60's first though. I did glimpse sun and blue skies, so that's good. Hubby is taping my poles. I go through so many pole tips so quickly that we just gave up and tape them with duct tape. We even bought special "asphalt" tips but they didn't last any longer than the regular ones.

What's up for the rest of you today?

Good morning everyone

Connie, you enjoy your day too! I need run so will grab a Danish to go this morning from the NC

Family, git the chores enjoy your shows

L4L

Happy Thump Day !!

Happily turning off the heat and open windows a few days this week. Enjoying nice weather while we still have it.

Love fresh air in my house

Me, too, when I can do it, butterflybabe

same thing.

L4L, do you run with the poles or hike? I've never mastered walking or hiking with poles. I tried when I went to Utah and it hurt my shoulders and made me uncomfortable so I quit. I know lots of people that swear by them.

family, enjoy!

soot, I'd say one more day till the weekend, but it's a working weekend for me. How is the brush and branch removal going?

butterflybabe, it's a perfect temperature isn't it? I love open windows too!

connie, hope you had a great day!

It's been busy...very busy. Feel like I could use an extra few hours every day.

Good morning, enjoy your TGIF. Lunch and a manicure with a friend today, maybe some shopping. Danish, Eggs, Grits, hash Browns, Biscuits and Gravy, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning Connie, Gerry, Family, L4L, Soot, Ana, and all boomers.

It's a nuther b-you-tea-full day in the South. I may have to start singing zittipy-do-da here in a minute.

Our temperatures have been perfect. Cold or cool in the mornings and warming up to mid 70s in the afternoons.

I made a fruitless trip to the sod farm a couple of days ago, but enjoyed the trip just the same and Missy enjoyed it, so I guess it was not fruitless.

Connie some scrambled eggs and sausage would be nice this morning please.

L4L I hope you have a nice day for your run, and whatever else you have planned.

Soot I hope your cleanup is going well or is done by now. It's the weekend now anyway and time to relax right?

Ana you are truly amazing. I've never run a 10k, or 5k, or anything like that, and even walking like you do makes my feet hurt to think about it. To say 'keep it up' is a waste of breath because I know you will.

Sorry to hear about that racoon. We had a family dog catch distemper when I was a kid. Very sad.

I wish you all a super day.

joe

Good morning Joe Connie Ana Family L4L and ButterFlyBabe

tEe
gEe
eYe
eFf

Have a great Friday

I can smell the weekend

Thanks Joe, it'll take some time

Enjoy the fresh air ButterFlyBabe

Ana, major clean-up is this Saturday's project for me

Connie, enjoy your manicure!!

Family hope your shows are good

Mary, keeping you and hubby in my thoughts and prayers!

L4L

Have a diverting Friday Joe Ana Family Connie L4L ButterFlyBabe Mary and anyone else who gets the chance to pops in and say hi

sports and chores.

Good morning, enjoy the weekend. Shopping today, then going on an adventure down the Haunted Road tonight. It's a scary adventure while staying safely in your car. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, and Toast in the NC.

Good morning and Happy Saturday everyone

The weekend is here

Family, good luck with chores and have fun watching your games

Connie, stay safe while your shopping ... and enjoy the Haunted Road tonight. I'm ready for a large breakfast in the NC this morning

I'll be tackling the backyard today, removing branches and the smaller trees downed by Zeta ... and then take a break this afternoon to watch grandson's championship football game.

L4L

Have a good day Family Connie L4L and anyone else who gets the chance to pops in and say hi







* * * * EDIT * * * *

O.K., 20 minutes of chainsaw, an hour and a half of hauling trunks and branches just in time as the city was coming through the neighborhood collecting tree piles from Zeta ... talk about timing

Back from a hill run. Felt like rain the whole time, but it waited til I got inside. Now cleaned up and fed. Surfing and sipping for one sec, and then off to the kitchen to do a little bit of cooking.

Have a wonderful day

football and chores/