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Monday Reruns #933791
01/05/14 07:54 PM
01/05/14 07:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald


One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."
The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."
They ask who, "The President?."
"No more important."
"The president of another country."
"No more important."
"An ambassador."
"No even more important."
"Well who is it."
"I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Welcome to the week........beginning. grin12

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly. penguin

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine. wink12

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-down routine. smile12

Soon, however, I'll be doing active research on my "lay-down" routine. thumbsup12

I'll publish my research results just as soon as I complete my blind study, on my theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep. sleep12

Gotta 3:30 wake up so I'm on my way to get a second opinion.

Have a happy day everyone. woot

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 01/05/14 07:57 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933794
01/05/14 08:14 PM
01/05/14 08:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Enjoy your Monday Joe. thanks for the jokes. thumbsup12


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933813
01/05/14 11:55 PM
01/05/14 11:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
It's a cold one here today and we are supposed to break records. It is supposed to be a high of -11. It's Nan weather! lol12

I'll be working in the corner and other than shoveling a little, feeding my wildlife and doing my exercise DVD at home I am not going out. I'm just inspired to go out unnecessarily.

Have a happy day Joe, SpaceQ and all...

Ana wave12


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933830
01/06/14 03:05 AM
01/06/14 03:05 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Ice Age is back lol12What a cold weather you have duh12
I feel lucky my friends happydance12
Its a national holiday here,so everything is closed...
Have all a happy and warm day dance

Last edited by Haroula; 01/06/14 03:05 AM.

I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933835
01/06/14 05:43 AM
01/06/14 05:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe ope you are feeling better. Ana stay warm. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Haroula sounds like a Holiday enjoy! Cailyn I put the coffee on for you. Happy Day All! happydance12


Gerry
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933845
01/06/14 07:03 AM
01/06/14 07:03 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a fantastic day Joe, Space Quest, Ana, Haroula, Gerry and all who come in after me. wave12

Ugh, I feel sick this morning. frown12 One thing after another it seems. Well, I'm just going to have to push through and hope it goes away, as I have way too much to do this week. On the positive side, at least my cold seems to be almost gone. lol12

Okay, have to run. Hope everyone has a great Monday! winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933846
01/06/14 07:20 AM
01/06/14 07:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning venus. Good news your cold is getting better. Hope you have a stress free day. wave12


Gerry
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933848
01/06/14 08:23 AM
01/06/14 08:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby goes for his rehab evaluation today. We are going to have a hard freeze tonight, 11 hours below freezing. shiver Good-by tropical plants, time to start over in the Spring. It's been many years since we've gotten this cold. By the end of the week it will be in the mid 80's again, sure is strange weather. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. winter


Connie
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933855
01/06/14 08:40 AM
01/06/14 08:40 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, that's too early to get out of bed.

Space, good morning.

Ana, brr. not sure what's happening to the weather lately. Too cold everywhere.

Haroula, enjoy the holiday.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Venus, hope you feel better as the day goes on.

Connie, wow! weather is unbelievable for your area. Weird.

Wishing everyone a warm Monday. shiver


Gail
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: GBC] #933870
01/06/14 10:58 AM
01/06/14 10:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
woot Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Monday Reruns!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933878
01/06/14 11:47 AM
01/06/14 11:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hope you all are staying warm.

I've been up for a bit, but have been very busy in the kitchen. I'm heading out in a sec for my long-delayed doctor's appointment. Everyone here is still asleep so will lock the doggies up when I leave. I don't expect to be home til mid afternoon or later. Taking lots of reading material. lol12

Boys should be going home tonight, but who knows...

Connie, our temps will be falling all day....eek eeek and more eek.

Stay warm all puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933881
01/06/14 11:59 AM
01/06/14 11:59 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe that is just to early to have to be up. May the day fly and be good. Hope you are feeling better. Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana I'm trying to move it out of here cause I'm tired of it now and want a little heat!! lol12 May the corner be kind and move right along. Be careful shoveling and have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Haroula enjoy the Holiday and have a lovely day!

Gerry did it finally stop snowing? Have a lovely day and thanks for the coffee.

Aw venus sorry you don't feel good but glad the cold is getting better. HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Oh Connie that is cold for there. eek12 Is there no way to cover them?? We do that up here if there is a threat of frost. Good luck to hubby and his appointment!! Thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gail I think it is 'signs of the times'. Everything is goofy. duh12 I don't think Nina would even go out the door here today. lol12 It was -24 with a windchill of about -50 out there this morning. That is the fastest I seen Sassy go out and right basck in the same door. lol12 Poor thing. Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Stay warm everybody!!!!

wave12
Nan

L4l good luck with your appointment!!!

Last edited by auntiegram; 01/06/14 12:01 PM.
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933900
01/06/14 01:24 PM
01/06/14 01:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Flying by to say hi while I can. My internet has been down more than up.

Evelyne has no internet and many storms the last 4 days. She says hi!

It's -18 here. Thanks Nan!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933917
01/06/14 04:13 PM
01/06/14 04:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Ahh, Nan, that's soooooo cold. Hugs!

Hi Evelyne. Thoughts are with you.

Ana, stay warm!


Gail
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #933922
01/06/14 04:33 PM
01/06/14 04:33 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Heyyy ya Boomers!

Hi ya Joe! Thanks for the chuckles! do you have a link
to any smiley's??


Its cold here in the Great Northwest 29% sunny~
Bella had her fuzzy WOOF jacket on and was zipped up
inside my coat with just her head sticking out puppy lol12
she can't wait to get to the barn so she can chase the kittens
and play with them~ happydance12


Nan Joe is a little pony he's brown & white the barn owner Pam
owns him~ he is sooo sweet~ he's my buddy~ he was Mojo's
pasture buddy~ I am gonna give him driving lessons so
he can drive me around in a cart! it will be sooo fun taz bravo12

Does Sassy wear her coat?? I thought Sassy was smaller then Bella & Nina?
how much does she weight? Bella is a fatty 11pds! Nina weights 9pds
she's just right~ Nina goes potty in a litter box! how cool is that!
and Bella has puppy pads cause I can't take her out at night
to many wild animals mad12

How ya doing L4L? how are your dogs? is it cold their?

Ohh UGHHH gotta start making Dr appts with the Kidney, Heart, eyes,
bone Doc's, gas stomach Dr's what fun razz12

off to play WOW and read

have a nice day everyone! Karen & Bella puppy

Last edited by Drmojo; 01/06/14 04:42 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933931
01/06/14 05:47 PM
01/06/14 05:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Oh Karen, Joe sounds wonderful!!! I am glad that you have a little horse, even if he belongs to the barn owner. I can just see Bella chasing the kitties. lol12 Sassy comes in at about nine pounds but she is wider and muscular from all the running she does when she can. She wears a coat every time she goes out. I even tried boots but by the time we get back in she only has one left on. lol12 Good luck and sending prayers for all those doc appointments!! HUGS!

Gail we have warmed to a nice -13. lol12 Not too bad if you are out of the wind though.

Ana sorry about the net! Thanks for letting us know about Evelyne. They must have had a safe travel to get groceries etc!! Hope the project is going well.

I got a nice call today.....I won an iPad Air!!! I can believe it!!! happydance12

Funny....that colored bar at the top changes color. lol12 It was blue earlier and now it is yellow.

wave12
Nan

Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933936
01/06/14 07:30 PM
01/06/14 07:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Grats, Nan! I hope you love it. Are you moving on down south?

Weatherman just said we are having record lows tonight---11 with wind chill of 0. Good night to stay in. Maybe I'll just stay in bed all day tomorrow with the covers over my head.

I was surprised that schools in our area cancelled classes today and tomorrow. I'm guessing it's because of buses but not sure. There isn't any ice or snow thank God. New just said the last time Auburn was playing for the National Championship we had an ice storm....so now we know who is to blame. wink12

Dr's appointment was a hoot. Not sure I will go back there....we shall see. Took forever and a day. Got lost going to the base to drop off my meds rotfl12

We are looking forward to the game tonight. I'm afraid that it won't have the outcome that we are all hoping for.

Last edited by looney4labs; 01/06/14 07:32 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933938
01/06/14 08:08 PM
01/06/14 08:08 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 7,408
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida USA
granny Offline
BAAG Specialist
granny  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 7,408
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida USA
Connie, do you think if the name of your place was changed to Summer Springs, it would keep this darned cold spell away???


Granny Goodwitch

A woman NEVER shot a man while he was doing dishes!
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933945
01/06/14 08:41 PM
01/06/14 08:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
When I lived in New York as a kid I loved 'snow days'. No school, everyone out playing in the snow, throwing snowballs and sledding down the hill across the street. Was a fun time.

Today's fun was getting up early, running to the BIG thrift with the outrageously high prices trying to find a 'sofa table' for my neighbor. That's the kind that's tall and thin and long and usually goes behind a sofa in the middle of the room. I suggested that she get one to put her new 46" flat screen TV that her son bought her for Christmas. She also had a smaller flat screen she wanted to put below it along with a VCR. She's had 2 TV's side by side for a long time now and can't live without 2 shows going on (usually one sports). SHE was going to tear apart an old, solid wood, Curtis Mathis TV console/record player/radio thingy that took up one entire wall of her living room. She had her TV set on that for years. The console hadn't worked in eons, but she said she and her hubby (now departed) bought that right after they got married and it had sentimental value. I measured everything and set off to find the right table.

So after she explained what she had to do to insert a TV into the cabinet, by tearing everything out and removing supports etc. I told her I would find her a suitable table. I can't imagine the hours and danger of trying to gut a console. Wow.

So I go to the Thrift, look around for tables, and find ONE. Weird, since last week they had several. It was in the outdoor (exposed to the elements) yard and marked 20 bucks. A bit banged up, smoked glass top, but in the exact same color SOLID wood as the rest of her furniture. How lucky was I to find the exact thing she needed when there was only one choice?

I bargained it down to 12 bucks (a lot of eyelash fluttering) and got it home, cleaned it up, Old Englished the wood and it looked great. She loved it. She called her son who came right over and did all the TV moving and setting up and I got home just in time to see the console being taken by a nice guy in a truck who was going to refinish it and do who knows what. Neighbor bid it a fond farewell.

New TV is great...wish I had room for on that big. Everything worked out and the smaller table leaves a ton of extra room in her little living room. Very nice. Things went the right way today. Very lucky indeed. dance


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933974
01/07/14 12:50 AM
01/07/14 12:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep12
Nan

Re: Monday Reruns [Re: gymcandy1] #933975
01/07/14 01:00 AM
01/07/14 01:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, didn't end up like we wanted. But time for bed. Sweet dreams :sleep:


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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